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masterghandalf) wrote2024-03-25 08:02 am
masterghandalf) wrote2024-03-25 08:02 am
The Gates of Dawn: Chapter Forty-Nine, Chapter Fifty, and Chapter Fifty-One
This is a crosspost from Das_Sporking2. Previous entries of this spork may be found here.
Warning: These chapters contain discussion of abuse and suicide, and yet more of Scrounge's poetry.
MG: Well, everyone, it’s time to continue our journey through Robert Newcomb’s The Gates of Dawn! Last time, we found out that the wizards plan to cut and run, Tristan made battle plans and had another seizure, and Ragnar found out the hard way that he’d outlived his usefulness. Today, it’s time to get ready for the book to start moving towards its big climax… and we’ll see if Newcomb handles that any better than he’s handled the rest of this thing (spoilers: he won’t). Joining us once again will be Len and Yhani!
Chapter Forty-Nine
Len: *looking ahead* Well, ‘Hani, it looks like the bad news is that we’re doing three chapters again today… but the good news is, they’re all really short. We can do this… *she rests her hand on Yhani’s; Yhani smiles reassuringly* All right, then. We open with Princey waking up in bed from his seizure, still in pain. He tries to sit up, but someone pushes him back down and he falls asleep. He wakes up again to find Traax, Shailiha and Celeste all looking down on him and smiling hesitantly (you know, one of those isn’t like the others, and not just because Traax is a man, if you take my meaning – and why does he get mentioned before Princey’s sister and his love interest, anyway? Is he that important to him?). Shailiha explains that Princey was out for twelve hours this time, and she was afraid they’d lost him for good; a tear crowded its way into her right eye. Princey tries to sit up, and she has to tell him that his veins are now blackened all the way up his arm and to his neck. *she shudders* Ick. Of course, I’d be more worried if I wasn’t entirely sure he was going to live through this… Princey apologizes, since there was no need for you to see this and, really, is that your biggest issue? I think she’s going to be worried about you no matter what – she is your sister; I don’t like you much, but I don’t blame her for feeling different about it – and probably feels a little better better knowing that at least for now, you’re still alive!
And then Traax comes over, his dark green eyes looking intently down at his stricken master; turns out the wizards have told him and the Minions to prepare a litter and guards for them, and he doesn’t want to do that until he’s made sure it’s what Princey wants him to do. And you know what? Good on you, Traax – more people shouldn’t follow Wigg’s orders without double-checking first. Alas, Princey tells him to give them whatever they desire, because he doesn’t have the brains or the backbone to tell Wigg “no.” He does want to know if Traax still accepts him as his lord even with his poisoning (on the one hand, Traax is clearly still doing what you tell him to, but on the other hand, you know the Minions follow the strongest warrior, so… yeah, probably a good idea to check). Traax insists he still does, and the only thing Princey’s illness makes him feel is the desire to punish the one who did this to him (you know, Newcomb, if you don’t want me to, uh, “ship” Princey and Traax – this isn’t the way to do it). That said, he’s still glad most of the warriors didn’t see Princey’s seizure, since he doesn’t know how they’d react. He turns and heads out to see the wizards, but first wishes Princey to get well soon; for we have some well-deserved killing to do. Uh… is he going to make Nicholas’s head the next ball for the Minions’ games? ‘Cause I’m not sure how Princey’d react to that… We then take a moment to confirm that Ox is standing guard outside the door, and then Celeste bends over the bed so her hair falls near Princey’s face. He could smell the myrrh in it, just as he had that first night when he saved her from diving off the cliff. *flatly* Are… you treating the night she almost committed suicide as a romantic first date or something? Gross.
Yhani: And so, Shailiha excuses herself, saying she will return when Celeste is through, and by my Ancestors, is Newcomb about to try writing romance? First, she wants to thank Tristan for saving her life, and thereby giving her a chance to find my new one. I must say… Celeste lived in nothing but misery for three hundred years. I… find it difficult to blame her for seeking any way out she could find. And I will note that she escaped Ragnar because Ragnar was incompetent, not because of anything Tristan actually did. She tells Tristan that though she expects she will never see him again, she will never forget him (beg pardon, but… once the Paragon is completely drained, as everyone seems to agree is the most likely outcome, will not the time enchantments cease functioning? In which case Celeste, whose life has been extended far beyond a normal human span, will instantly die? When will she have time to remember Tristan?). In return, he wants her to promise something. If you should somehow survive all of this, and if you value your new life as you say you do, then make sure you deserve it. *flatly* I beg your pardon? Celeste is a living person… what more does she need to do to justify to you that she “deserves” her life, and what makes you think you get to decide it? Or is this “The Chosen One” sitting in judgment? *coldly* How noble. Tristan explains that he took his own life for granted, and he ended up losing everything he loved because of that (Celeste has spent almost all of her life suffering torture and abuse – I somehow doubt she will take her newfound freedom for granted!). Your blood is inferior only to Shailiha’s, and Shailiha’s only to my own. Therefore, should I die, your blood shall become the second most powerful in the world. *disgusted noise* And of course, the conversation immediately turns back to blood! Why would it not?
I can see that you have your father’s strength and courage. Oh, Tristan – do not insult the poor girl by comparing her to Wigg! He tells her to listen to Wigg and learn magic but follow the teachings of Wigg and Faegan only and practice only the Vigors to keep their cause alive. By my Ancestors, I can think of few worse fates than being bound in their footsteps! And is it not curious how, despite all of the mistakes Newcomb admits Faegan and Wigg have made… he still insists on holding them up as paragons of virtue? I sense a certain bias here… He says he has something else he wishes to tell her, and Celeste says she can see it in his eyes, but for now she must leave. Ah, perhaps the talk of her father and Faegan did spoil the mood, hmm? Celeste kisses Tristan lightly on the lips, drops a scented handkerchief in his lap, and leaves the room. A moment later, Shailiha comes back in, saying it is now time for her farewells. She hopes that he survives to watch Morganna grow up, and gives him her medallion as a token, promising to come find him if she has to, as he once did for her. A moment that would be considerably sweeter if Tristan had not almost killed her at Wigg’s instruction, I must say… Tristan says he knows she will, and tries to say more, but the words will not come. Shailiha, finally, tells him to trust the process, and Tristan is left as bewildered as I am. Could you at least explain what process, exactly, he is to be trusting? I was not aware there was a process to trust! But she only repeats herself, kisses his forehead, and leaves, and he falls back asleep. We cut to Shailiha, getting into a Minion litter with Martha (who we have not seen for a while – which is likely fortunate, as she is one of the only halfway decent characters in this book, and Newcomb has less of a chance to ruin her). She confirms she told Tristan and that he heard, and Wigg – who is also there, apparently – says that tomorrow, they will know if he understood. And so, the chapter ends as the Minions take off, carrying them towards Shadowood.
Blood Matters: 189
Gender Wars: 95 (of course we need the reminder that Tristan’s blood is more powerful than Shailiha’s, despite their being twins)
Plot-Induced Stupidity: 120 (would it have killed Shailiha – and everyone else, apparently – to be at least a little clearer, instead of leaving Tristan even more confused than he was before?)
Chapter Fifty
Len: And so we open with Princey waking up again to find Ox leaning over him, telling him it’s almost dawn and asking if he’s all right (in his usual broken speech, in case we’ve forgotten he’s supposed to be dumb or something *rolls her eyes*). Princey gets up, finds that he’s stiff but capable of moving around all right, and decides it’ll have to do. He gets dressed, loads himself down with all his various and sundry weapons and then, sigh, spots Joshua’s brain hook. He looks it over, thinking about how great the craftsmanship on it is, and then finds himself wondering how many secrets it held, and how many more it would participate in. *stunned* Princey… it’s a tool for suicide. You stick it in your damned ear and hook your brain with it. You know how it works because you saw how Joshua used it. What sorts of “secrets” do you think a thing like that can hold, anyway, knowing what it’s used for, except maybe all the people who’ve died by it? But he sticks it in his boot, then almost as an afterthought takes Celeste’s handkerchief, eats some quick breakfast Ox has set out for him, and then heads outside, where all of the Minion warriors, some eighty thousand strong, were standing in the cold, white snow awaiting his orders. So, if eighty thousand made it through… how many died in Faegan’s malfunctioning portal. *she shakes her head* Damn. As the dawn light shines down on the Minions – is that supposed to be symbolic, or just dramatic? – Princey gives the order and they start beating their drums and bring out some standards bearing the Galland family crest. They march to their deaths under my family’s flag. I could never have asked for more than this. Uh, you could ask them to win and not just die, or is that too much for you? So, Princey thinks about how for the first time, he’s genuinely pleased to have the Minions around (why, ‘cause they’re carrying your colors now instead of the Coven’s? I think what you saw back in Parthalon is pretty solid proof they’ve not really changed…) and then they all go down on one knee and chant I live to serve!
He commands them to rise, and Traax comes over and says the wizards told them where to find the banners, and they didn’t think he’d mind. Princey assures them he doesn’t, and then suddenly the Minions point up at the sky. Looking up, he sees a single hatchling, somehow writing a message in azure light (of course…) in its trail. Reading what it spells out, Princey realizes that even though the magic has to come from Nicholas, it’s got to be Scrounge riding the hatchling. And given its content… yeah, that sounds about right. Come up, Chosen One/ in the clouds we shall meet/ For when the fight is finally over/ and the carnage is complete/ I know I shall have found your death/ to be marvelously, sinfully sweet. S. Great job, Princey – you correctly guessed the message was from Scrounge after he signed it. *applauds* sarcastically* Though it’s not like he needed to, ‘cause the poem, which is both bloodthirsty and still really bad, would’ve given it away on its own. And, uh, “sinfully sweet?” Just what is Scrounge planning to do to Princey, anyway? And so Traax, taking the role of Commander Obvious, notes that Scrounge is sending a message and Princey is going to have to face him now (right, because rising to the enemy’s taunt is always the smart thing to do…) and Princey agrees but wants to address the troops first. He reminds the Minions how they came to Eutracia as attackers, but they have returned as defenders, and they’re the most skilled warriors he’s ever seen (well, we know his standards are low…). Follow my instructions and those of your officers to the letter, and you may survive. Well, that’s reassuring – do what I say, and you might live, I guess. Just what every soldier wants to hear! He reminds the Minions that if he dies, Traax is in command (should they have worked out a chain of command already?) and if Traax dies, they’re to seek out Wigg and Faegan and serve them. Except… if you lose, and maybe even if you win, Wigg and Faegan are going to die, so… what then? Did you think of that? Well, the Minions chorus I live to serve again, and Princey reminds them that even though they’re outnumbered, they can still win if they each kill three of the enemy. The Minions salute with their dreggans, and Princey tells Traax to remember their battle plan. He then mounts his hatchling, takes a moment to sniff Celeste’s handkerchief, and they all take off. As one, they turned north, to what would soon become the killing fields of Farplain. And maybe something, for once in this damned book, will finally happen. Anyway, the chapter ends there.
Contrivances and Coincidences: 53 (Apparently, all it takes is the sight of his family’s banners to convince Tristan that the Minions are totally cool and on his side now)
Gratuitous Grimdark: 76 (for Tristan thinking lovingly about the brain hook)
Plot-Induced Stupidity: 121 (doesn’t Tristan remember that Wigg and Faegan are literally dying?)
Chapter Fifty-One
Yhani: And so, we open with Shailiha flying in the Minions’ litter, holding onto Morganna with one hand and the litter with the other and already having decided she never wants to travel like this again. Considering her discomfort seems to arise from her disbelief that she has not yet fallen to her death… it would seem she has some significant fear of heights, in which case, I sympathize in full. We learn that she, Wigg, and Martha are in one litter, and Faegan, Celeste, and the Tome and Paragon are in another (my, my, Wigg’s own daughter apparently does not wish to ride with him… what a pity) and Geldon and the gnomes are in a third (Ancestors forbid any of our heroes be forced to ride with the help). Faegan is periodically shouting directions to the Minions, while Wigg, on the other hand, seemed very self-absorbed, which is true, and I am quite glad our narrator has finally noticed. Alas, this seems to here only mean that he is sitting quietly, lost in his thoughts (or rather, wizardly contemplations). Shailiha takes a moment to remember everything she has been told about Shadowood, which we already know and thus I will spare you (but apparently no one told her about the “berserkers” that infest the place… perhaps because Newcomb has forgotten them, too) and how fortunate they are to be able to travel there by flying litters. Finally, she hands Morganna to Martha and risks looking out of the litter; the experience was both wondrous and terrifying. She watches the snow-covered lands pass below them, able to pick out the landmarks she recognizes, and takes a moment to worry about her brother’s safety, since she knows he must be about to join battle now. She prays for his survival, and then is pulled from her thoughts as the Minions suddenly start descending and land at Tree Town (…even though Shailiha was watching from the sky, and never saw them approach Shadowood…).
The Minions set the litters down and everyone else gets out; Shailiha looks around at their surroundings and smiles, it was like something from a dream. Ah, child, I know someone who could tell you just how perilous dreams can be… Shailiha notices that there is no one around (which would be more notable if all of Eutracia did not seem to be deserted for most of this book – seriously, outside of the scene at the tavern with Scrounge posting the bounty, and Nicholas’s destruction of Ilendium, we have hardly seen any ordinary people in this story…) and Faegan guesses that the gnomes are frightened of the Minions. I suppose sending a single Minion ahead with a message would have been entirely out of the question? He assures Shailiha that the gnomes know they are here (that would be a prerequisite of their being frightened of the Minions, yes…) and they decide to head over to his house, both to get Morganna inside, and to make sure the gnomes see him and are reassured that everything is all right (I, personally, would not find Faegan’s presence even slightly reassuring…). They head off, with the Fliers following them, and then they are suddenly approached by a crowd of armed gnomes – male gnomes, of course, because Ancestors forbid women be allowed to protect themselves! But as soon as they see Faegan, they run over to him and hoist his chair into the air, cheering happily. Considering how servile the gnomes have been thus far… this makes me very uncomfortable. And indeed, Faegan calls for Shannon the Small and Michael the Meager *sigh* and orders them to escort Celeste, Shailiha, Martha and the baby inside, to provide anything Morganna needs, and that everyone not involved in doing that, including the Minions, has work to do. How… nice to see how easily he slips into the role of the wizardly overlord, is it not? He then tells everyone to say their good-byes, with Celeste promising Wigg that she will never forget him. Ah, need I remind you once again that magic keeps both Wigg and Celeste alive, and if it fails, they will both die? Or has the narrative forgotten she is not the same age as Shailiha and Tristan? Wigg hugs her and says he knows, but now they must go quickly. Shailiha steps aside, calls for Caprice, and tells her that it is time. She flies off, at the head of a squadron of other Fliers – what an odd way to describe butterflies – and everyone else stands watching. Then Faegan motions for some of the group to reenter their litters – though we are not told who – and the chapter ends as the Minions carry them off to an unknown destination.
MG: And so, even collectively, these three chapters were short – individually, they were all very short – and almost entirely consisted of getting everyone into position for the climax. And I don’t have much to say on that front (and I apologize if this post wasn’t very exciting; Newcomb did not give us a lot to work with here!), save that the book is still ridiculously padded, Tristan still turns around on the issue of the Minions way too easily (carrying your family’s flags doesn’t erase what they did, and are still doing back in Parthalon!) and his pre-battle speech skills are… lacking (I guess they didn’t teach that at the old war college…). Oh, and Celeste is almost entirely defined in her roles as Wigg’s daughter and Tristan’s love interest (even though he sometimes seems like he has more chemistry with Traax of all people) with hardly any character of her own left over, but we knew that. Anyway, next time is the big one, as the final battle is upon us, and we’ll get to see if this nonsense has been at all worth it. And the good news is, we only have four more posts to go, counting final thoughts! We’ll see you then! Our counts stand at:
Blood Matters: 190 (for the reminder that Shadowood was created as a refuge for endowed blood)
Contrivances and Coincidences: 53
Dastardly Deeds: 106
Exposition Intrusion: 250 (for the infodump about Shadowood)
Gender Wars: 95
Gratuitous Grimdark: 76
Plot-Induced Stupidity: 122 (clearly, finding a way to warn the gnomes that they were coming was completely beyond Faegan)
I’ve also just finished my reread and commentary on the (in)famous epic Avatar: The Last Airbender fanfic Embers which can be found here; now’s the time to check it out, if you’re interested!
Warning: These chapters contain discussion of abuse and suicide, and yet more of Scrounge's poetry.
MG: Well, everyone, it’s time to continue our journey through Robert Newcomb’s The Gates of Dawn! Last time, we found out that the wizards plan to cut and run, Tristan made battle plans and had another seizure, and Ragnar found out the hard way that he’d outlived his usefulness. Today, it’s time to get ready for the book to start moving towards its big climax… and we’ll see if Newcomb handles that any better than he’s handled the rest of this thing (spoilers: he won’t). Joining us once again will be Len and Yhani!
Chapter Forty-Nine
Len: *looking ahead* Well, ‘Hani, it looks like the bad news is that we’re doing three chapters again today… but the good news is, they’re all really short. We can do this… *she rests her hand on Yhani’s; Yhani smiles reassuringly* All right, then. We open with Princey waking up in bed from his seizure, still in pain. He tries to sit up, but someone pushes him back down and he falls asleep. He wakes up again to find Traax, Shailiha and Celeste all looking down on him and smiling hesitantly (you know, one of those isn’t like the others, and not just because Traax is a man, if you take my meaning – and why does he get mentioned before Princey’s sister and his love interest, anyway? Is he that important to him?). Shailiha explains that Princey was out for twelve hours this time, and she was afraid they’d lost him for good; a tear crowded its way into her right eye. Princey tries to sit up, and she has to tell him that his veins are now blackened all the way up his arm and to his neck. *she shudders* Ick. Of course, I’d be more worried if I wasn’t entirely sure he was going to live through this… Princey apologizes, since there was no need for you to see this and, really, is that your biggest issue? I think she’s going to be worried about you no matter what – she is your sister; I don’t like you much, but I don’t blame her for feeling different about it – and probably feels a little better better knowing that at least for now, you’re still alive!
And then Traax comes over, his dark green eyes looking intently down at his stricken master; turns out the wizards have told him and the Minions to prepare a litter and guards for them, and he doesn’t want to do that until he’s made sure it’s what Princey wants him to do. And you know what? Good on you, Traax – more people shouldn’t follow Wigg’s orders without double-checking first. Alas, Princey tells him to give them whatever they desire, because he doesn’t have the brains or the backbone to tell Wigg “no.” He does want to know if Traax still accepts him as his lord even with his poisoning (on the one hand, Traax is clearly still doing what you tell him to, but on the other hand, you know the Minions follow the strongest warrior, so… yeah, probably a good idea to check). Traax insists he still does, and the only thing Princey’s illness makes him feel is the desire to punish the one who did this to him (you know, Newcomb, if you don’t want me to, uh, “ship” Princey and Traax – this isn’t the way to do it). That said, he’s still glad most of the warriors didn’t see Princey’s seizure, since he doesn’t know how they’d react. He turns and heads out to see the wizards, but first wishes Princey to get well soon; for we have some well-deserved killing to do. Uh… is he going to make Nicholas’s head the next ball for the Minions’ games? ‘Cause I’m not sure how Princey’d react to that… We then take a moment to confirm that Ox is standing guard outside the door, and then Celeste bends over the bed so her hair falls near Princey’s face. He could smell the myrrh in it, just as he had that first night when he saved her from diving off the cliff. *flatly* Are… you treating the night she almost committed suicide as a romantic first date or something? Gross.
Yhani: And so, Shailiha excuses herself, saying she will return when Celeste is through, and by my Ancestors, is Newcomb about to try writing romance? First, she wants to thank Tristan for saving her life, and thereby giving her a chance to find my new one. I must say… Celeste lived in nothing but misery for three hundred years. I… find it difficult to blame her for seeking any way out she could find. And I will note that she escaped Ragnar because Ragnar was incompetent, not because of anything Tristan actually did. She tells Tristan that though she expects she will never see him again, she will never forget him (beg pardon, but… once the Paragon is completely drained, as everyone seems to agree is the most likely outcome, will not the time enchantments cease functioning? In which case Celeste, whose life has been extended far beyond a normal human span, will instantly die? When will she have time to remember Tristan?). In return, he wants her to promise something. If you should somehow survive all of this, and if you value your new life as you say you do, then make sure you deserve it. *flatly* I beg your pardon? Celeste is a living person… what more does she need to do to justify to you that she “deserves” her life, and what makes you think you get to decide it? Or is this “The Chosen One” sitting in judgment? *coldly* How noble. Tristan explains that he took his own life for granted, and he ended up losing everything he loved because of that (Celeste has spent almost all of her life suffering torture and abuse – I somehow doubt she will take her newfound freedom for granted!). Your blood is inferior only to Shailiha’s, and Shailiha’s only to my own. Therefore, should I die, your blood shall become the second most powerful in the world. *disgusted noise* And of course, the conversation immediately turns back to blood! Why would it not?
I can see that you have your father’s strength and courage. Oh, Tristan – do not insult the poor girl by comparing her to Wigg! He tells her to listen to Wigg and learn magic but follow the teachings of Wigg and Faegan only and practice only the Vigors to keep their cause alive. By my Ancestors, I can think of few worse fates than being bound in their footsteps! And is it not curious how, despite all of the mistakes Newcomb admits Faegan and Wigg have made… he still insists on holding them up as paragons of virtue? I sense a certain bias here… He says he has something else he wishes to tell her, and Celeste says she can see it in his eyes, but for now she must leave. Ah, perhaps the talk of her father and Faegan did spoil the mood, hmm? Celeste kisses Tristan lightly on the lips, drops a scented handkerchief in his lap, and leaves the room. A moment later, Shailiha comes back in, saying it is now time for her farewells. She hopes that he survives to watch Morganna grow up, and gives him her medallion as a token, promising to come find him if she has to, as he once did for her. A moment that would be considerably sweeter if Tristan had not almost killed her at Wigg’s instruction, I must say… Tristan says he knows she will, and tries to say more, but the words will not come. Shailiha, finally, tells him to trust the process, and Tristan is left as bewildered as I am. Could you at least explain what process, exactly, he is to be trusting? I was not aware there was a process to trust! But she only repeats herself, kisses his forehead, and leaves, and he falls back asleep. We cut to Shailiha, getting into a Minion litter with Martha (who we have not seen for a while – which is likely fortunate, as she is one of the only halfway decent characters in this book, and Newcomb has less of a chance to ruin her). She confirms she told Tristan and that he heard, and Wigg – who is also there, apparently – says that tomorrow, they will know if he understood. And so, the chapter ends as the Minions take off, carrying them towards Shadowood.
Blood Matters: 189
Gender Wars: 95 (of course we need the reminder that Tristan’s blood is more powerful than Shailiha’s, despite their being twins)
Plot-Induced Stupidity: 120 (would it have killed Shailiha – and everyone else, apparently – to be at least a little clearer, instead of leaving Tristan even more confused than he was before?)
Chapter Fifty
Len: And so we open with Princey waking up again to find Ox leaning over him, telling him it’s almost dawn and asking if he’s all right (in his usual broken speech, in case we’ve forgotten he’s supposed to be dumb or something *rolls her eyes*). Princey gets up, finds that he’s stiff but capable of moving around all right, and decides it’ll have to do. He gets dressed, loads himself down with all his various and sundry weapons and then, sigh, spots Joshua’s brain hook. He looks it over, thinking about how great the craftsmanship on it is, and then finds himself wondering how many secrets it held, and how many more it would participate in. *stunned* Princey… it’s a tool for suicide. You stick it in your damned ear and hook your brain with it. You know how it works because you saw how Joshua used it. What sorts of “secrets” do you think a thing like that can hold, anyway, knowing what it’s used for, except maybe all the people who’ve died by it? But he sticks it in his boot, then almost as an afterthought takes Celeste’s handkerchief, eats some quick breakfast Ox has set out for him, and then heads outside, where all of the Minion warriors, some eighty thousand strong, were standing in the cold, white snow awaiting his orders. So, if eighty thousand made it through… how many died in Faegan’s malfunctioning portal. *she shakes her head* Damn. As the dawn light shines down on the Minions – is that supposed to be symbolic, or just dramatic? – Princey gives the order and they start beating their drums and bring out some standards bearing the Galland family crest. They march to their deaths under my family’s flag. I could never have asked for more than this. Uh, you could ask them to win and not just die, or is that too much for you? So, Princey thinks about how for the first time, he’s genuinely pleased to have the Minions around (why, ‘cause they’re carrying your colors now instead of the Coven’s? I think what you saw back in Parthalon is pretty solid proof they’ve not really changed…) and then they all go down on one knee and chant I live to serve!
He commands them to rise, and Traax comes over and says the wizards told them where to find the banners, and they didn’t think he’d mind. Princey assures them he doesn’t, and then suddenly the Minions point up at the sky. Looking up, he sees a single hatchling, somehow writing a message in azure light (of course…) in its trail. Reading what it spells out, Princey realizes that even though the magic has to come from Nicholas, it’s got to be Scrounge riding the hatchling. And given its content… yeah, that sounds about right. Come up, Chosen One/ in the clouds we shall meet/ For when the fight is finally over/ and the carnage is complete/ I know I shall have found your death/ to be marvelously, sinfully sweet. S. Great job, Princey – you correctly guessed the message was from Scrounge after he signed it. *applauds* sarcastically* Though it’s not like he needed to, ‘cause the poem, which is both bloodthirsty and still really bad, would’ve given it away on its own. And, uh, “sinfully sweet?” Just what is Scrounge planning to do to Princey, anyway? And so Traax, taking the role of Commander Obvious, notes that Scrounge is sending a message and Princey is going to have to face him now (right, because rising to the enemy’s taunt is always the smart thing to do…) and Princey agrees but wants to address the troops first. He reminds the Minions how they came to Eutracia as attackers, but they have returned as defenders, and they’re the most skilled warriors he’s ever seen (well, we know his standards are low…). Follow my instructions and those of your officers to the letter, and you may survive. Well, that’s reassuring – do what I say, and you might live, I guess. Just what every soldier wants to hear! He reminds the Minions that if he dies, Traax is in command (should they have worked out a chain of command already?) and if Traax dies, they’re to seek out Wigg and Faegan and serve them. Except… if you lose, and maybe even if you win, Wigg and Faegan are going to die, so… what then? Did you think of that? Well, the Minions chorus I live to serve again, and Princey reminds them that even though they’re outnumbered, they can still win if they each kill three of the enemy. The Minions salute with their dreggans, and Princey tells Traax to remember their battle plan. He then mounts his hatchling, takes a moment to sniff Celeste’s handkerchief, and they all take off. As one, they turned north, to what would soon become the killing fields of Farplain. And maybe something, for once in this damned book, will finally happen. Anyway, the chapter ends there.
Contrivances and Coincidences: 53 (Apparently, all it takes is the sight of his family’s banners to convince Tristan that the Minions are totally cool and on his side now)
Gratuitous Grimdark: 76 (for Tristan thinking lovingly about the brain hook)
Plot-Induced Stupidity: 121 (doesn’t Tristan remember that Wigg and Faegan are literally dying?)
Chapter Fifty-One
Yhani: And so, we open with Shailiha flying in the Minions’ litter, holding onto Morganna with one hand and the litter with the other and already having decided she never wants to travel like this again. Considering her discomfort seems to arise from her disbelief that she has not yet fallen to her death… it would seem she has some significant fear of heights, in which case, I sympathize in full. We learn that she, Wigg, and Martha are in one litter, and Faegan, Celeste, and the Tome and Paragon are in another (my, my, Wigg’s own daughter apparently does not wish to ride with him… what a pity) and Geldon and the gnomes are in a third (Ancestors forbid any of our heroes be forced to ride with the help). Faegan is periodically shouting directions to the Minions, while Wigg, on the other hand, seemed very self-absorbed, which is true, and I am quite glad our narrator has finally noticed. Alas, this seems to here only mean that he is sitting quietly, lost in his thoughts (or rather, wizardly contemplations). Shailiha takes a moment to remember everything she has been told about Shadowood, which we already know and thus I will spare you (but apparently no one told her about the “berserkers” that infest the place… perhaps because Newcomb has forgotten them, too) and how fortunate they are to be able to travel there by flying litters. Finally, she hands Morganna to Martha and risks looking out of the litter; the experience was both wondrous and terrifying. She watches the snow-covered lands pass below them, able to pick out the landmarks she recognizes, and takes a moment to worry about her brother’s safety, since she knows he must be about to join battle now. She prays for his survival, and then is pulled from her thoughts as the Minions suddenly start descending and land at Tree Town (…even though Shailiha was watching from the sky, and never saw them approach Shadowood…).
The Minions set the litters down and everyone else gets out; Shailiha looks around at their surroundings and smiles, it was like something from a dream. Ah, child, I know someone who could tell you just how perilous dreams can be… Shailiha notices that there is no one around (which would be more notable if all of Eutracia did not seem to be deserted for most of this book – seriously, outside of the scene at the tavern with Scrounge posting the bounty, and Nicholas’s destruction of Ilendium, we have hardly seen any ordinary people in this story…) and Faegan guesses that the gnomes are frightened of the Minions. I suppose sending a single Minion ahead with a message would have been entirely out of the question? He assures Shailiha that the gnomes know they are here (that would be a prerequisite of their being frightened of the Minions, yes…) and they decide to head over to his house, both to get Morganna inside, and to make sure the gnomes see him and are reassured that everything is all right (I, personally, would not find Faegan’s presence even slightly reassuring…). They head off, with the Fliers following them, and then they are suddenly approached by a crowd of armed gnomes – male gnomes, of course, because Ancestors forbid women be allowed to protect themselves! But as soon as they see Faegan, they run over to him and hoist his chair into the air, cheering happily. Considering how servile the gnomes have been thus far… this makes me very uncomfortable. And indeed, Faegan calls for Shannon the Small and Michael the Meager *sigh* and orders them to escort Celeste, Shailiha, Martha and the baby inside, to provide anything Morganna needs, and that everyone not involved in doing that, including the Minions, has work to do. How… nice to see how easily he slips into the role of the wizardly overlord, is it not? He then tells everyone to say their good-byes, with Celeste promising Wigg that she will never forget him. Ah, need I remind you once again that magic keeps both Wigg and Celeste alive, and if it fails, they will both die? Or has the narrative forgotten she is not the same age as Shailiha and Tristan? Wigg hugs her and says he knows, but now they must go quickly. Shailiha steps aside, calls for Caprice, and tells her that it is time. She flies off, at the head of a squadron of other Fliers – what an odd way to describe butterflies – and everyone else stands watching. Then Faegan motions for some of the group to reenter their litters – though we are not told who – and the chapter ends as the Minions carry them off to an unknown destination.
MG: And so, even collectively, these three chapters were short – individually, they were all very short – and almost entirely consisted of getting everyone into position for the climax. And I don’t have much to say on that front (and I apologize if this post wasn’t very exciting; Newcomb did not give us a lot to work with here!), save that the book is still ridiculously padded, Tristan still turns around on the issue of the Minions way too easily (carrying your family’s flags doesn’t erase what they did, and are still doing back in Parthalon!) and his pre-battle speech skills are… lacking (I guess they didn’t teach that at the old war college…). Oh, and Celeste is almost entirely defined in her roles as Wigg’s daughter and Tristan’s love interest (even though he sometimes seems like he has more chemistry with Traax of all people) with hardly any character of her own left over, but we knew that. Anyway, next time is the big one, as the final battle is upon us, and we’ll get to see if this nonsense has been at all worth it. And the good news is, we only have four more posts to go, counting final thoughts! We’ll see you then! Our counts stand at:
Blood Matters: 190 (for the reminder that Shadowood was created as a refuge for endowed blood)
Contrivances and Coincidences: 53
Dastardly Deeds: 106
Exposition Intrusion: 250 (for the infodump about Shadowood)
Gender Wars: 95
Gratuitous Grimdark: 76
Plot-Induced Stupidity: 122 (clearly, finding a way to warn the gnomes that they were coming was completely beyond Faegan)
I’ve also just finished my reread and commentary on the (in)famous epic Avatar: The Last Airbender fanfic Embers which can be found here; now’s the time to check it out, if you’re interested!