Fellowship of the King Chapter Ten: Absolution

[masterghandalf]

This is a repost from Das_sporking2. Previous installments of this sporking may be found here.

Warning: This chapter contains discussion of topics including violence and sexual content.



MG: Well, everyone, it’s time to continue our journey through Demetrious Polychron’s Fellowship of the King! Last time, we had a detour with Saruman, Glorfindel moped for a few millennia, it turned out even his prophesy of the Witch-King’s doom had an eeevil ulterior motive, he made it to Mordor in time to witness the Downfall of Sauron and to have the Nine Rings literally fall from the sky and into his possession, he had sex with Thuringel, fought off Lungorthin, turned into a literal horny demon (god…) and proclaimed himself the new ruler of Mordor (after killing a whole bunch of his future subjects). Today, we finally wrap up Glorfindel’s flashback (it’s only, by my count, the second longest flashback sequence in the whole fic!) and then he and Alatar finally get around to having their fight… which seems to owe more to anime tropes than to anything in Tolkien. Yay. Joining us today will be Shade and Arueshalae!

Shade: *eyeing Arueshalae up and down* Huh. Didn’t expect to be sporking this with a literal demon… but Thalia and Tharkos say you’re all right and considering what I’ve got for relatives I’m really in no position to judge, so… onward, I suppose!

Arueshalae: …thank you? *beat* I think?

Chapter Ten: Absolution

Before the fallen gates of Barad-dûr, Glorfindel proclaimed to his generals that Thüringel was now his concubine.

Shade: His generals he just, what, manifested from the ether after slaughtering his way through Mordor? And that being after Sauron’s regime literally got blown up? Are we going to get any idea of who these people are any time soon, or are we just supposed to guess?

She would rule Mordor in his stead: the first Kingdom in his Empire of Gondolin, refounded. In front of his subjects he christened her, the first Queen of Mordor.

MG: And of course, Thuringel is only queen because her man gave her the title *rolls eyes*. We also have official confirmation here that “Gondolin Refounded” is going to be the name of Glorfindel’s empire going forward. Which… huh. Okay, Glorfindel is a survivor of Gondolin. There might be a few others still kicking around in Lindon or Rivendell, but I don’t think we know if any of those have joined him. Which makes it feel like the only connection between this Gondolin and the original is the name and Glorfindel himself, which is rather tenuous. I’m reminded of a discussion I once saw about why Vegeta in Dragon Ball never started calling himself “King of All Saiyans” instead of “Prince,” since he’s the last of the Saiyan royal house and all, and the general conclusion was that even for Vegeta, proclaiming himself king of a “kingdom” that consisted of four people, one of whom didn’t even know he existed, would be a rather pathetic exercise in empty ego stroking. And if Vegeta is more self-aware and emotionally mature than you are… *shudders*

Happy Ending Override: 19

This was exactly what Thüringel had always wanted, that Sauron had refused to give. So great was her dark delight, she joined him in subduing rival factions still roaming the valleys and plains. They reveled in savagely murdering and enslaving wherever they went.

Arueshalae: As much as this sort of behavior is, sadly, all too familiar for me… it also reminds me of how things are done in the Abyss, where the highest law is “might makes right.” And the Abyss is a chaotic patchwork of demon lords ruling domains that extend only as far as they can hold by brute force, constantly competing against one another. For building an actual empire, shouldn’t a more calculated ruthlessness be better? I know a hellknight who might be able to offer you some advice here.

Feel My Edge: 61

With the people subdued, they removed from the ruined and shattered foundations, all that had once been built. Their armies transported the fallen walls, gates and towers across the plains of Gorgoroth to Orodruin. There, the flames still burned, but had stopped flowing.

Glorfindel once again became Thüringel’s pupil in Dark Arts, just as he had been her pupil in dark desires.

Shade: Dark Arts get capitalized… but dark desires don’t, despite Polychron’s, well, proclivities. If I was the dark desires, I’d be feeling a little left out – especially considering we’ve not actually seen Thuringel teach Glorfindel anything, but we have seen them having sex (and while I do consider myself rather open-minded in such matters, I draw the line at maggot-infested corpse women. Or maggot-infested corpse men, for that matter. Maggot-infested corpses of any description are not sexy!).

She taught him why the fires of Middle-earth burned hotter here, than anywhere else – why Sauron had chosen Mordor, instead of rebuilding Morgoth’s fortress of Angmar, in the north, the favored land of his former Master.

MG: Okay, wow. First off, Morgoth’s stronghold was Angband, not Angmar, which was the Witch-King’s kingdom in the Third Age. Both were in the north, both names derive from the element angren (iron)… and beyond that, they have nothing in common. Especially considering that Angband, along with the rest of Beleriand, sunk in the ocean after the War of Wrath, making resettling there a bit… difficult for anyone not named Ulmo (who I doubt was interested in moving in). Now, before Angband in Arda’s deep prehistory, Melkor’s first realm, before he became known as Morgoth, was Utumno, also in the north but much farther east, and presumably not sunk. However, when Morgoth escaped from Valinor he chose to establish his new seat at his lesser stronghold of Angband rather than at Utumno, which makes me think the Valar flattened Uutmno so thoroughly during the Battle of the Powers there’s just not much there that’s worth rebuilding, so no reason for Sauron to go there, either. The Witch-King did not establish Angmar until much later than either, when Sauron sent him north partway through the Third Age to contest the power of Arnor.

As for why Sauron settled in Mordor, the Sil is pretty clear on this. Sauron feared the growing power of Numenor, and thus he wanted to establish his realm somewhere with formidable natural barriers that would be easy to fortify. And, of course, there was Mount Doom, where Sauron could “use the fire that welled there from the heart of the earth in his sorceries and his forging.” However, there’s no indication that Mount Doom was in any way special beyond that, or that any other volcano wouldn’t have served just as well for that purpose.

Loremaster’s Headache: 168

Obsessed with power, but too quickly seduced by Ulbandi to leave the Valar,

Arueshalae: Excuse me, but I thought Morgoth was the first and supreme evil of Arda… but now Ulbandi is, and she seduced him?

MG: *gritting their teeth* Yep. As I’ve mentioned before, the little Tolkien wrote about Fluithuin/Ulbandi before he scrapped the character just had her as Morgoth’s consort and the mother of his son, with no indication she was even a Vala in her own right. Polychron not only makes her a Vala, he significantly rewrites the history of the Valar to make her the one who seduced Melkor to evil. Because clearly, if a man goes evil, it must be a woman’s fault. *rolls their eyes* Stay classy, Polychron. We’ll get the full story later, and we’ll discuss this plot point more then. Just… keep this in mind.

Loremaster’s Headache: 170

The Unfair Sex: 35

Morgoth never knew, this was the only place Sauron could have forged the One.

MG: …like I said, I think Polychron has this backwards. Sauron didn’t forge the One in Orodruin because it was special, Orodruin was special because Sauron was using it as his forge and laboratory.

Here the fires burned the hottest, not just in Middle-earth, here the fires burned the hottest on Every-earth: every magical land created by the Ainur, Valar, and any and every other Choir led by Eru Ilúvatar, or any other.

Shade: *boggles* I… just… what… I think I need to sit down. *she does so, a dazed expression on her face and leans up against Arueshalae, who wraps a comforting wing over her shoulders*

MG: Okay, so… IIRC, Tolkien was occasionally asked if there were other worlds in Ea (the universe, as opposed to Arda, the planet earth) with intelligent life, and his response was usually to basically shrug and say it wasn’t really something he’d thought about, since it wasn’t relevant to the stories he was telling. But, uh… the Valar are Ainur. “Ainur” are the semi-divine immortal spirits who were created by Eru from his thoughts; “Valar,” “Maiar” and so on are specific groups of Ainur (the Sil indicates there may be other “orders” of Ainur beyond these two, but never explains further). No need to list Valar and Ainur separately! I also wonder who else is out there other than Eru who’d be leading these choirs, anyway…

Loremaster’s Headache: 172

The center of the cone of Orodruin was where the Lamp Illuin had stood before Morgoth destroyed it and the Valar twice reshaped the world.

MG: Okay… I think I know where Polychron came up with this, but it’s still wrong. In Karen Wynn Fonstad’s Atlas of Middle-Earth (I used to love that book…) it was speculated that Mordor had been under the Sea of Helcar in the First Age and was revealed when the sea dried up in the late First/early Second Age. The Sea of Helcar was formed when Illuin, the more northerly of the Two Lamps, was destroyed. However, the later volumes of the History of Middle-earth, published after the atlas, indicate that the Sea of Helcar, and thus Illuin, was further east, and Mordor already existed in the First Age and was never underwater. So, it’s extremely unlikely that Orodruin is the remnant of the pillar of Illuin.

Loremaster’s Headache: 174

It was the Nexus of All Realities – the Crossroads of All the Worlds, that ever were, or would ever be.

Arueshalae: *boggles* So… does that make Mordor the Worldwound? Except instead of connecting the mortal plane and the Abyss, it connects… all worlds everywhere, in space and time? Just… but… what… how?

MG: Needless to say, there’s no basis in Tolkien’s writings for this whatsoever. What, was Mount Doom being an active volcano an evil demigod sorcerer was using as his forge not cool enough for you, Polychron? You had to make it some sort of dimensional gateway, too? And no, I have no idea why being the base of the fallen pillar of Illuin would make Orodruin the “Nexus of All Realities” in any case. For one, there was another Lamp – did the remains of Ormal create a “Nexus” too? And for another, the Lamps didn’t work that way!

Bigger, Louder, More!: 42

Expansion-Pack World: 13

Loremaster’s Headache: 175

Sauron’s desires had grown and the servant now eclipsed his Master.

MG: Now, the later volumes of the HoME do indicate that “Sauron was ‘greater’, effectively, in the Second Age than Morgoth was at the end of the First” …but I don’t think this is quite what Tolkien had in mind!

The conquest of Middle-earth was just the beginning. Once he recovered his Ruling Ring and subdued the West, Sauron had planned to create a passageway to other worlds, with Mordor as his base.

With or without the Master-ring, Sauron would then have embarked on his true desire: conquering all the other Earths: every magiced and unmagiced reality, spreading his immortal tyranny to more lands on more worlds, than there were stars created by Elbereth Gilthoniel, with which she had populated the Heavens.

This was the Master Plan of Sauron, hidden from everyone. Even his right hand, the so called Gauntlet of Mordor: not even the dreaded Balrog Lord Lungorthin had ever known. But Sauron had loved Thüringel, as much as any foul creature whose heart is full of malice could love. She not only shared her Master’s bed, she had shared his twisted heart’s darkest desires.

MG: So... yeah. Sauron trying to make himself god-emperor of Middle-earth apparently wasn’t enough for Polychron. He had to be trying to make himself supreme ruler of all reality, everywhere, including other worlds, too! And sure, if you gave him access to something called “the Nexus of All Realities” that’s probably what he’d do with it, just… restraint in storytelling is a thing, Polychron! I know you don’t seem to believe in it, but it is!

Bigger, Louder, More!: 44

Now Thüringel shared Sauron’s most precious secrets with Glorfindel, while their slaves trembled.

Shade: Wait... was she sharing the “most precious secrets” with the slaves, too? Because that seems like a great way to make sure that information gets back to your enemies! Or were the slaves just trembling because they assumed something terrible had to be going on, even if they didn’t know what?

Plot-Induced Stupidity: 83

For often before coupling, she would take a wandering orc or goblin and drink its blood. Returning covered and dripping with desire,

Arueshalae: She’s covered and dripping… with desire. Either Polychron is using “desire” as a euphemism for “blood” – or that is an innuendo so blatant and unsubtle I’m embarrassed to even think about it. Subtlety can be valuable!

they coupled madly before any who dared watch and many did.

MG: *groans, sighs, facepalms* Once again, clearly what LotR needed – our villains aren’t only constantly having sex, they’re apparently exhibitionists! Did Robert Newcomb ghostwrite this?

Feel My Edge: 62

Pervy Hobbit Fanciers: 37

All became their slaves and did the bidding of Glorfindel, who wore on his hands eight corrupted Rings of Power and one for taming Beasts. And Thüringel, the Mistress- Master of his Dark Desires,

Arueshalae: *considers, then shrugs* Honestly, that title’s a bit… much. I may have forsworn my allegiance to Queen Nocticula, but I still think “Our Lady In Shadow” flows so much better.

wore upon her own, one of the Seven.

At their bidding, thick-stone rectangular walls slowly rose atop four large foundation stones. Above each stone, their armies built four high towers and joined them to the walls.

Behind the single gated entrance lay a massive iron portcullis. This led to a long sloping stone bridge topped with a high arch. Protected by a towering barbican, the curved bridge spanned a foul moat filled with blood.

Shade: Blood coagulates. And spoils. I do not want to know how many people are getting killed every day to keep this thing full, and I can only imagine the stench.

Feel My Edge: 63

This was the dreaded Fortress of Mordor. Within the confines of its mammoth central courtyard, it encompassed the round flattened caldera that had once contained the Crack of Doom. Flames still roiled from it and belched great tongues of fire. Deadly vapors and black smoke billowed out to where Thüringel and Glorfindel stood. Joining hands, they combined the powers of their many Rings into a spell.

MG: So… yeah. Meet the imaginatively named “Fortress of Mordor,” everyone; maybe we should just call it “New Barad-dur” instead, because that’s clearly what it is. And do note that it’s apparently so huge as to encompass the entirety of Mount Doom. Good luck maintaining all of that, especially next time the volcano erupts. Even Sauron didn’t build his fortress on Orodruin.

Bigger, Louder, More!: 45

Happy Ending Override: 20

Not just any spell. Glorfindel and Thüringel wove the most powerful enchantment Middle-earth would ever know.

MG: Varda literally made stars. While standing on Arda. Top that. Even if we’re restricting ourselves just to things that take place on the actual continent of Middle-earth, I somehow think the original forging of the Rings of Power has you beat… especially if we’re including Polychron’s ridiculous “master ring.”

Bigger, Louder, More!: 46

They used the power of his Rings, the one of the Seven she wore and their lusts and passions for each other. Tapping the power of the Crossroads, just as Sauron had when forging the One, from out of the depths they lifted the melted and sundered remnants that had once been the Ruling Ring. Thüringel had held them together with a dark spell of her own, using the power of Malda, her dwarven Ring attuned to gold. The broken pieces of the One Ring rose to the surface, entombed within a great translucent sphere of volcanic black obsidian.

Arueshalae: So they… turned the shattered and powerless pieces of the One Ring into a sort of… museum exhibit? That doesn’t really seem like the greatest working of magic in the history of Middle-earth to me… and certainly compared against my own experience, the Worldwound seems far more impressive (and horrifying…)

MG: And also… yeah. After all the travels and adventures, the trials and sufferings, necessary to rid the world of that ring and in so doing bring about the Downfall of Sauron, the end of the Third Age, and the beginning of the Dominion of Man… Glorfindel and Thuringel just got the pieces of the One back. Just like that. This is, just… I’m boggling. Really. Not to mention that the implication is that after the Ring went into the fire it was melted and dissolved, so there probably weren’t any “sundered remnants” left to retrieve. This whole thing just can’t help but feel like it’s spitting in the face of everything about the original story. I’m just at a loss for words at the implications here.

Bigger, Louder, More!: 47

Happy Ending Override: 21 (I think bringing the One Ring back out of Mount Doom – even if it’s in pieces and seemingly powerless – counts here!).

Take That, Tolkien!: 24

They stopped it at the very center of the Nexus of the Crossroads of the Worlds and All Realities. It was the point where every Road to every realm to every world converged, and they christened it, the Master-Stone of Middle-earth.

MG: *groans and rubs their forehead* And why does it seem like “christening” is the only synonym of “to name” that Polychron knows? And no, I don’t think we ever get a good idea of what the “Master-Stone” does, save that it is a very powerful and dangerous artifact powered by pieces of the One Ring. Which, ultimately, can’t help but make it feel like Frodo’s quest was entirely in vain. There’s a new Dark Lord – or two – on the throne of Mordor, wielding the pieces of the One Ring and commanding the Nine, dreaming of empire… what a slap in the face to LotR’s hard-won, bittersweet victory. But this is the “pitch-perfect sequel to LotR,” you guys! /s Elbereth Gilthoniel, if there was any justice in the world Glorfindel and Thuringel’s spell would’ve resurrected Gollum too, if only so he could pop up randomly, grab the remains of his “Precious” and happily run off with them, leaving our two villains utterly bewildered.

Happy Ending Override: 22

Take That, Tolkien!: 25

Afterwards in their fortress, they lay exhausted beneath the Master-Stone and Glorfindel looked up. In the depths of the grey smoky crystal he saw the melted, sundered, scattered, dead remnants of the One. Now lifeless, he had once loved it more than life itself.

They rested and slept. When they awoke and regained their strength, they celebrated with the death of many men, women and Beasts. Performing dark perversions atop the Master-Stone, they baptized it with their servant’s fouled and polluted blood.

Arueshalae: Do these people know how to do anything but couple in between performing blood sacrifices? Even most demons at least have more creativity… even before I met Desna and had my epiphany, I was many things. I was a courtesan, a gladiator, a spy, an assassin… there’s more to life, even a succubus’s life, than just lots of rote sex and murder! *buries her face in her hands* Desna help me, why am I giving the villains pointers…

Shade: I’m more curious as to why they apparently killed “many men, women and Beasts” but only “baptized” their “Master-Stone” with a single servant’s blood. What, was everyone else’s not good enough for them?

Feel My Edge: 64

Pervy Hobbit Fanciers: 38

Then Glorfindel hurriedly bid Thüringel farewell and sped towards Minas Tirith for the next step of his plan. Riding Asfaloth in haste, he none the less stopped to bathe in the swift running waters of the River Anduin.

Arueshalae: I’m… happy for him that he remembered to have good personal hygiene? Or did he just wait that long to wash all the blood and… other fluids… off himself, in which case he certainly was lucky he didn’t meet anyone on the road before that!

Crossing over, he perfumed himself with elanor and brushed out his long golden hair. It had always been his greatest pride and secret vanity.

MG: Considering that while Tolkien gave different etymologies for Glorfindel’s name, they almost all refer in some fashion to his hair… I don’t think it was that secret! And I’m glad we learned he stopped to perfume himself – I was really in suspense about that! /s

Donning his Elvish clothes,

Shade: *bemused* What, was he naked before that? My, my, some lucky travelers must have gotten quite a show… *she whistles appreciatively*

he masterfully cloaked his Rings and newfound power.

Shade: Word of advice – describing yourself as doing something “masterfully” makes it sound like the exact opposite of that. Just something to keep in mind.

Outside the Rammas Echor, he joined Elrond and Arwen before the sundered Gates of Minas Tirith.

The people of the City marked their great victory with the coming nuptials of the King and Queen. After Elessar and Arwen’s wedding and joint coronations,

MG: Again, nitpicky, but Aragorn’s coronation and his marriage to Arwen being the same event was true in the Jackson movies, but in the book, he’s crowned several weeks before the wedding. Also, apparently all that conquering, building, Ring-retrieving, spellcasting and general depravity took place in the time between the Downfall of Sauron and Aragorn and Arwen’s wedding. Just… wow.

Loremaster’s Headache: 176

Traveling at the Speed of Plot: 29 (building at the speed of plot, in this case; the original Barad-dur took centuries to construct, but apparently Glorfindel and Thuringel made their new and improved version in the few weeks between Sauron’s defeat and Aragorn’s wedding!)

the citizens and guests again celebrated and drank. The King and Queen retired to the secret room atop the Tower of Echthilion and on this very night, they conceived the Crown Prince Eldarion.

Arueshalae: Isn’t the top chamber of the White Tower the Palantir chamber, not a bedroom? Do we even want to know why Aragorn and Arwen thought consummating their marriage and conceiving their son there was a good idea? Though with all the people in this story who have palantiri, I wonder if some of them didn’t get an eyeful.

Alone, Glorfindel cloaked himself in Shadow, silent and invisible. Leaving through the sundered iron Gates, he stole upon the guarded mound where the Fell Beast had been burned and within a cairn its remnants had been entombed.

MG: Not giving points because this really is nitpicking, but from the way LotR makes it sound, it seems like the Witch-King’s mount was burned to ash, and it was the body of Snowmane, Theoden’s horse, that was interred on the battlefield alone.

Carefully removing the outer stones, he began sifting through the charred and burnt remains.

Amid the maggots and rotting worm-infested gore,

Shade: …between this and that lovely description of Thuringel from last time, I’m starting to think Polychron has a real fondness for rotting, maggot-infested corpses. No doubt for reasons best not to speculate on. Also, am I the only one who thinks “charred and burnt remains” and “maggots and rotting worm-infested gore” don’t really go together? Were there multiple corpses thrown into this mound in varying stages of decay or what?

Feel My Edge: 65

he found the deadly once-burning sword of the Witch King, from which dread and horror still emanated like smoke. Gleefully belting the malefic weapon about his waist, he recommenced his painstaking search.

MG: Okay, in canon, the Witch-King’s robes and armor collapsed empty to the ground when he was destroyed, but I don’t think we ever learned what the Gondorians did with them afterwards. “Burying them on the Pelennor Fields where anyone could find them” seems… one of the less likely options, tbh. As for the sword… yes, the Witch-King did wield a flaming sword when he confronted Gandalf at the broken gates. But I always assumed it was the Witch-King himself making the blade burn with his sorcery, not some inherent property of the weapon itself. And it’s not even clear he still had it on him during his final duel on the Pelennor sometime later – he wielded a mace when he fought Eowyn. And, for the record, I’m currently imagining Glorfindel as an rpg character gleefully equipping a cool new piece of loot he just found. Not dignified.

After hours of more digging and careful sifting, at last he found the final and most powerful of the Nine: Arien, the Ring of the Eclipsed Black Sun, called in secret by Sauron in Barzhûrk, Morgul, the Ring of Black Magic. Possessing it now gave him mastery of the Nine.

MG: Yeah, don’t think it works that way. The Nazgul were thralled to their own rings, which in turn were under the dominion of the One. I don’t see any need for the Witch-King’s Ring to act as a middleman. As for the names… Arien is literally the name of the Maia who guides the sun. Naming a Ring of Power that seems vaguely blasphemous, and it seems like something Sauron wouldn’t tempt fate by doing. And “Morgul” does indeed mean “black magic” or “sorcery” …but despite the “gul” ending, it’s Sindarin, not Black Speech.

Linguistic Confusions: 26

Loremaster’s Headache: 177

Anybody who wore any of the others would be his slave. He removed the Raven’s Ring and put the golden band with its glowing black Star Sapphire stone in the place of honor over the letters of the branded Ring Rhyme on the third finger of his left hand.

Shade: I’m so glad to know exactly what fingers Glorfindel is wearing his various rings on. No, seriously, I am. It’ll make stealing them later easier.

No one had been able to approach these things, much less move or even touch them. Terror, despair and the fear of death had been woven into their essence. They rose from them like a foul and deadly vapor. Where they had fallen they had lain unapproachable.

Arueshalae: …which is why they were clearly moved and buried? Unless the mound was somehow raised around them, without anyone managing to approach or move them… is it just me, or does that not seem quite right?

The next day, with his new acquisitions secure and his deadly power exquisitely cloaked beneath his many spells,

Arueshalae: I have to agree with Shade. One of the most important elements of infiltration is acting naturally, so that people don’t question you. If Glorfindel is constantly thinking about how “exquisite” his deception is, that’s probably going to translate into acting very unnaturally. But of course, nobody notices, because then they might put an end to it, and we couldn’t have this wonderful plot.

Plot-Induced Stupidity: 84

Glorfindel celebrated the achievements of the great High King Elessar and High Queen Arwen beside Elrond, Galadriel, Gandalf and many others.

Even those stupid hobbits. They had tormented him in Imladris, then maimed and murdered each other in Mordor while unmaking the Ruling Ring.

Shade: …I don’t think Frodo and Sam maimed and murdered each other? Unless Glorfindel is including Gollum… who was never in Rivendell and who he never met. So, are we supposed to be getting the idea that Glorfindel is kind of… delusional and unstable, or is it just the bad writing?

Strangely, he still thought of it as his own. Even after destroying it, they couldn’t stop him from finding a new and bigger dream, and a better way to conquer. So he joked with them and laughed with them, even danced with them, and seemed as happy as anyone. But in truth, he was much happier.

For entirely different reasons.

Arueshalae: *flatly* I never would have guessed. And of course, nobody noticed Glorfindel’s rather manic glee and thought there might be something suspicious about this… and say, didn’t Aragorn send troops into Mordor to destroy some of the fortifications around the Black Gate? Did none of them notice the giant fortress being built in the middle of the country? Because I can tell you, when the Worldwound opened and Lord Deskari first marched his legions onto the mortal plane, people noticed.

Returning to Imladris with Elrond, he found great preparations underway. The Elves of Middle-earth were putting their affairs in order and leaving these lands forever, sailing West on the ships Círdan, Galdor and the Elves of Lindon had been building for centuries.

MG: That makes it sound like the elves are only just now getting ready to leave, and that they’re all going at once. Neither of those things are true! The elves have been sailing West for millennia, and though a number of their remaining best and brightest departed at the end of the Third Age, there were definitely sill elves remaining in Middle-earth!

Loremaster’s Headache: 179

No one spoke to Glorfindel about his plans. No one asked if he intended to stay, or go.

Shade: You know, if Glorfindel is supposed to be such a big deal, you’d think people might have wondered what he was planning to do with his life after the War, and if he was leaving or staying. Just a bit.

Plot-Induced Stupidity: 85

Elrond journeyed to the Havens with Galadriel amidst a great company of Elves.

Glorfindel joined them, without invitation or explanation. No one welcomed him.

Arueshalae: I… I’m done. I just can’t deal with this anymore. There was a time when deception and treachery were my whole life, skills I mastered over the course of centuries… and Glorfindel gets away with absolutely everything for no reason other than that nobody ever thinks to question all his suspicious behavior! Or anything else! This doesn’t make the character look smart, it makes him look like the universe is bending over backwards to give him what he wants! What is Polychron even trying to do here!

Plot-Induced Stupidity: 87

In Lindon, he gave Legolas (Legolas!) and Gimli a tour of the white ship, on which Elrond and the others would sail. Glorfindel made sure to cross their paths the next morning as he escaped with the Elostirion-stone, knowing he had the power to bend it to his will.

Shade: And so I guess the theft of the Palantir really is that simple and easy, too! Now I agree with Arue here (can I call you Arue?) that this is just too easy – I guess all those years I spent being trained as a thief never mattered, when you can just waltz in and grab a sacred artifact with no problem! And why did he want to make sure Legolas and Gimli saw him, anyway? To try and frame them as his accomplices? Because I really don’t think that chain of events was exactly predictable. Lucky for you they didn’t realize you were up to no good and try to stop you or anything!

Plot-Induced Stupidity: 90

Almost as much as the thought of finding the Master-ring, he gleefully anticipated the hideous anguish this would cause Elrond and his daughter; the corrosive discords it would sow between the High King Elessar and Queen Arwen, and among the remaining members of the Fellowship of the Ring, whose membership within the Company he’d been denied by Elrond.

Arueshalae: *facepalms* I have known demons who were less petty than this. Literal demons.

Out of sight of Legolas and Gimli, he cloaked himself once more in impenetrable Shadows. Hiding his essence from the senses of wizards or High Elves, whether they possessed Rings or staffs or Stones, he waited. He did not have long to wait.

Shade: …because a certain charming, ravishingly beautiful half-elf thief stuck a knife in his back while he was preening and walked off with the Elostirion-stone to return to its rightful owners (in hopes of a generous finder’s fee, of course!). *she sighs* Probably not, but a girl can dream.

From Lindon in great fury rode Elrond, a storm of righteous indignation, rage and intended retribution. He was screaming Glorfindel’s name and swearing vengeance.

Only the Rings prevented Glorfindel’s laughter from revealing he was there, right next to Elrond, under Elrond’s very nose, just as the One had been hidden by the wiles of Elrond outside Imladris on the body of Frodo Baggins under Glorfindel’s own.

Arueshalae: …what. I’m being entirely serious here, I do not know what is happening. First off, that wording is terrible, and I feel like I’d need to be drunk to properly make sense of it (not that mortal alcohol is strong enough to do much for me, usually). Second, I thought the Rings of Power just made you invisible, not inaudible. Maybe I was wrong?

Loremaster’s Headache: 180 (Rings of Power don’t make you inaudible, as it happens)

Galadriel, Galdor, Gimli, Legolas and a host of Elves rode after Elrond. They couldn’t catch him until he slowed when entering the Shire. There they encountered Bilbo Baggins, Gildor and another of the seemingly endless hosts of Elves riding West, and Elrond stopped.

MG: Because when Elrond met the hobbits in the Shire in “The Grey Havens,” he was clearly in the process of calming down from extreme violent rage. Riiight.

Gildor and Galdor convinced him to turn back, swearing an Oath to bring Glorfindel to justice. Elrond insisted Legolas and Gimli ride to Minas Tirith before he would turn to join Frodo and Sam, who Glorfindel had once hated passionately.

Now, he was indifferent. They were just ahead, there, on the Road.

Shade: Glorfindel, friend, I’m starting to wonder if Thuringel didn’t have you smoking some pretty strong stuff during your “dark rituals” and all, because I don’t think this level of mood swinging is normal.

They returned to Lindon to board the white ship with Gandalf and without the Elostirion- stone, sail the Straight Road after sundown and pass West for Elrond’s reunion with Celebrían.

Arueshalae: …which was the only reason this ship was going West, I guess? Was everyone else there just to cheer him on? I think Elrond and Celebrian might want a bit more privacy!

Still cloaked in darkness and invisible to everyone and everything, Glorfindel returned to Lindon beside them. In East Mithlond, his senses warned him to be wary of Círdan. He stayed far away from anywhere near the eyes or ears or mind of the oldest of the Ñoldor.

MG: Unfortunately for him, Cirdan was of the Falathrim, an offshoot of the Sindar, and Glorfindel didn’t do a good job at all of avoiding him. Thus the villain was captured and the events of the Fourth Age resumed their natural course. The end.

Loremaster’s Headache: 181

That day, Glorfindel lay hidden below the peak of the southern arm of the Grey Haven’s cove. He watched the Sun set and the white ship sail from pier. The ship passed out into Belegaer far below, leaving the harbor and sailing across the ocean. As the day passed, it grew smaller and smaller. In the growing darkness, the twinkling light from the Phial of Galadriel grew dim.

Hours later, it went out. Slowly, he rose.

Now, none who remained in Middle-earth had the power to stop him.

Arueshalae: …that is the sort of boast that almost guarantees that someone will stop you. I think the mortals call it “tempting fate?”

He returned to Imladris, expecting accusations. No one there had heard of his theft of the Elostirion-stone and he said nothing. When inquiries in the form of frantic messengers arrived from Círdan, and much later but far more desperately from the High King Elessar and Queen Arwen, Glorfindel sent back that he had no idea what Legolas and Gimli were talking about.

Shade: And everyone else believed that? Oh how easy it would be if every time I stole something I could just say “wasn’t me!” and everyone would shrug and leave me be. Ah, what a world…

Plot-Induced Stupidity: 91

Surely the delusions of two strangely outcast wandering reprobates who couldn’t find peace among their own people, would not be heeded above the well-known service of the faithful, highly regarded and tirelessly self-sacrificing Lord Glorfindel.

Arueshalae: Those wandering reprobates being… a member of an important family at Erebor and the son of the King of the Woodland Realm? Wouldn’t such a description be rather likely to find Glorfindel with a rather irate Thranduil breaking down his door one day, demanding to know if Glorfindel is calling his boy a liar? Glorfindel isn’t even trying to destroy Legolas and Gimli’s reputations, he’s just acting like he’s already destroyed their reputations, and everyone else is just… going along with it? I don’t even understand this…

Plot-Induced Stupidity: 92

The steadily dwindling population of Elves saw he had no palantír. Not the large, bulky Elostirion-stone, nor any other.

Shade: And clearly, if he had it, he’d be lugging it with him everywhere he went and not, you know, hiding it somewhere. Especially since he doesn’t want people to know he took it!

Plot-Induced Stupidity: 93

Nothing about him had changed. He was the same noble Lord they had always known. They had no reason and less concern to involve themselves in confusion. They were leaving for the Havens and on to Tol Eressëa or Valinor. A few asked why Círdan and Arwen were making strange accusations against the Lord of Imladris.

Arueshalae: And did no one stop to think about the implications of Cirdan and Arwen making those accusations? Glorfindel has a noble reputation, certainly, but they do, too – Cirdan especially, by my understanding? Why does everyone just shrug and go along with everything Glorfindel wants? This isn’t how you manipulate people!

Plot-Induced Stupidity: 94

Publicly, he said he could not fathom their behavior. Privately, he let out that Arwen was jealous it was not her kin: not Celeborn, Elladan, nor Elrohir who now ruled her childhood home, but Glorfindel, whose beauty she wished was borne by the mortal Elessar. She had come to regret having married him and forsaken her immortality, for as he aged, he no longer pleased her.

MG: And people who knew Arwen, knew Aragorn, and were familiar with their story fell for that? Really? Not to mention, I think Glorfindel rather overplayed his hand by inserting the “Arwen was jealous Aragorn didn’t have my good looks” bit; that’s laying it on a bit thick, don’t you think? And, while it’s entirely secondary to the real problems of this argument, Aragorn is a Dunadan, much longer lived than ordinary humans. Sure, he is aging… but not very fast, and not by much since their wedding.

Plot-Induced Stupidity: 95

The Unfair Sex: 36

All too readily was this lie swallowed by the remaining Elves. None more so than Erestor. Erestor had often disagreed with the decisions and policies of Elrond. He resented the pride and place given to Elrond’s kin, which none of them had earned, while he slaved away in the House of Imladris (formerly the House of Elrond). There he had received little thanks for running the kingdom and Elrond had gotten all the credit.

MG: *flatly* Kingdom. What kingdom? Rivendell is a small community in an isolated valley, centered around Elrond’s household. I honestly always got the impression it was small enough that it was the sort of place where everyone knew everyone else personally, especially with the long lives of elves in play. Elrond was renowned as a great hero and wise loremaster, and he was certainly influential among the elves, but he was very specifically not king of anything (though now I’m reminded of the slew of mid-2000s badfics featuring “King Elrond” and noting that Polychron seems to be following that proud tradition…) And also… we don’t know much about Erestor canonically; he was the most prominent of Elrond’s counselors and was present at the Council of Elrond, and that’s about it. It’s entirely possible he always was secretly jealous of Elrond and his family… but if so, there’s certainly no indication of it in the text.

Feel My Edge: 66 (for secretly jealous Erestor)

Loremaster’s Headache: 182

Very late one night after a great feast, much drinking and more laughter, everyone else had gone to bed. Glorfindel invited Erestor to play a game.

Arueshalae: *arching her eyebrow* Oh, my. I really have to wonder what sort of “game” Elrond is asking Erestor to play…

“A game, my Lord?” Erestor asked. Erestor had always felt neglected. Any invitation and inclusion was his secret pride and vanity. “What game would you like to play?”

MG: *flatly* Erestor, seemingly the leader of Elrond’s advisors… always felt neglected and left out? Just… huh?

“It is called,” Glorfindel answered, with a smile Erestor didn’t understand, but was delighted to see on the handsome face of Lord Glorfindel, “‘What Do I Have On My Finger?’”

Arueshalae: *facepalms* Okay, I’m convinced… this is a seduction. A very unsubtle seduction. This is not the subtle art of manipulation, corruption and enticement, honed over the ages by generations of succubi to turn mortals to the cause of the Abyss. This is “Daeran Arendae with too many drinks in him.” *beat* I actually think that might be unfair to Daeran. I think he’s more restrained… and I’m fairly sure Daeran once hosted a contest of lookalikes of himself for the sole purpose of seducing the winner so he could say in all honesty he’d made love to himself.

Erestor laughed and took another drink of wine. “How is this game played?”

Shade: *flatly* It’s called “What Do I Have On My Finger?” What do you think? Unless “finger” is a euphemism for another body part, in which case I think Arue is probably overestimating how subtle this attempted seduction is.

Glorfindel smiled brighter. “I shall bind your eyes and place on object on your finger. You must guess what it is – without looking!”

Arueshalae: …and no aspect of this struck Erestor as strange or suspicious at all? *facepalms*

Plot-Induced Stupidity: 96

“And if I win, my Lord?” Erestor asked, finishing the last of the wine in his glass.

“Then you may keep whatever it is I give you,” Glorfindel answered.

“And if I lose, my Lord?” Erestor asked, setting down his glass.

“You must not concern yourself with that,” Glorfindel told him, but quickly added. “What makes you think I would ever allow you to lose, fair and noble Erestor?”

Shade: Seriously, Glorfindel, you’re not fooling anyone, if you’re that into Erestor, stop dragging your feet and just kiss him already!

Erestor submitted himself to this game.

Arueshalae: …I give up. I don’t think there’s anything I can add to it at this point.

Glorfindel bound his eyes and lifted a golden Ring set with a black Cat’s Eye Scapolite stone. It was Harma, the Ring of Possession, Lunacy, Scars, Confusion and Madness. He slid it on the third finger of Erestor’s left hand.

Erestor Fell to Darkness and the Shadow, and became the helpless thrall, of Glorfindel.

MG: Okay, one, pretty sure the Nine Rings do not work like that – you don’t immediately become the thrall of whoever’s wearing the Witch-King’s ring the instant the ring is put on your hand (and, does that mean Glorfindel has just been wearing the Witch-King’s ring around Rivendell the whole time, and nobody noticed? There’s no mention of him putting it on, at least…). Two, after all that buildup of how Erestor secretly always resented Elrond’s family, he falls to evil… because Glorfindel tricks him into wearing a Ring of Power that brainwashes him instantly? Bzuh? Honestly reminds me a bit of Embers, which goes out of its way to try and establish the cultural and psychological reasons why the Fire Nation characters act they way they do… and also says that firebenders have magic mind control powers that bind their subordinates to always do what they say, at the risk of literally falling over dead if they disobey. And finally, that last comma is unnecessary, and the way it’s placed almost makes it sound like Erestor becoming the thrall of Glorfindel specifically is some sort of twist instead of, like… obvious?

Anyway, the good news is that we’re now done with Glorfindel’s Monster Flashback! It only took a chapter and a half, and three sporking posts, to get through it😉! The bad news is, we still have part of a chapter left to go. And it gets wild, so strap in, as it’s finally time for the fight we’ve all(?) been waiting for – Alatar versus Glorfindel!

Loremaster’s Headache: 183

Plot-Induced Stupidity: 97

* * * * *

“It pains me to learn, like Maeglin, you have Fallen into folly and the Shadow,” Alatar told Glorfindel. “And now you follow, whether you know it or not, willing or all unwilling, the dark paths of Morgoth!”

Arueshalae: Ah, based on that monologue – assuming what Glorfindel said and what we just read are the same thing, of course – I would say he seems to know exactly what he’s doing, yes. *she sighs* Of course, such is the nature of true evil – to do as tyrants before you have always done, but to be arrogant enough to think you and you alone will come to a better end than they did.

MG: Also, I think this comparison is kind of off base. On the one hand, Maeglin was just captured and decided that his own life and freedom (and the chance to have his cousin, who he lusted after but was forbidden from marrying by the laws of the Eldar) was worth more than his city. Glorfindel was subject to much worse in terms of, you know, actually being tortured and mind-raped and all, but then subsequently went much farther of his own free will, actually trying to set himself up as a Dark Lord in his own right and all which Maeglin never did (though I remember a theory during the first season of Rings of Power that I was rather partial to was that the character Adar would turn out to be Maeglin, though that’s not how it ended up happening…). Weirdly, I think this comparison is somewhat insulting to both Glorfindel and Maeglin?

Glorfindel laughed and the air around him shimmered. His features shifted and flowed like hot wax. His skin darkened to the color of copper. Four great twisted black horns grew from his head. His incisors lengthened like tusks. Long, dagger-like talons grew from the ends of his fingers and his long golden hair burst into incandescent fire.

“Behold!” he shouted, exulting in the freedom to finally reveal his true form. “It shall be the last thing you ever see – the beauty and power of Glorfindel!”

Shade: …I’ve gotta admit, I’ve seen worse.

Arueshalae: So, I suppose this is confirmation that Glorfindel’s transformation when facing Lungorthin in the previous chapter was not metaphorical, but actually literal… I can’t speak for Middle-earth, but in my own world I don’t believe it usually works that way? Where I come from, demons are spawned from the sins of mortal souls which incubate in the Abyss… not that I remember much about my own creation. Though transforming oneself directly into a demon of some power is possible – I remember the example of Areelu Vorlesh all too well! – it’s not usual. And I don’t see how it should have happened in this world at all.

MG: Me, neither. As I said last time, I don’t see anything in Middle-earth lore that would justify Glorfindel morphing into a literal fiery horned demon, corrupted or no. And the way it’s done here… it feels less like something out of Tolkien and more like something out of Dragon Ball Z; seriously, the first thing that comes to mind is Frieza transforming into his second form for the first time, and now I can’t get that out of my head. And let’s just say that the fight that’s coming next is not going to make that any easier.

Feel My Edge: 67 (I think demon Glorfindel merits a point)

Loremaster’s Headache: 184

Alatar raised his staff. “Akašân šebeth delgûmâ ibri mâchan!”

MG: Okay, so this… I’m pretty sure this is supposed to be the Valarin language. Not giving any points, because Tolkien doesn’t outline much Valarin… but I do think it matches somewhat from what we do see. See, Valarin is very different from the Elvish languages, and per Tolkien’s notes, is very harsh and alien to the elven ear, so few elves have ever wanted to learn it, and the Valar have generally been much more willing to learn the languages of Elves and Men in any case than to teach their own. Which is why he never outlined it in much detail. But from what we do see, it seems to be heavily influenced by ancient Mesopotamian languages like Babylonian… which, curiously, are also theorized to have been influences on the Black Speech. I don’t think Tolkien himself ever discussed this, but since Sauron was a Maia and Valarin would be the closest thing he had to a mother tongue, I’ve even seen some headcanons that Black Speech itself may derive from a corrupted form of Valarin. Obviously not canon, but kind of interesting food for thought.

Black clouds filled the sky, obscuring the Sun and casting everything on the ground in shadow. Icy winds drove down and whistled freezing through the streets.

Shade: *whistles* Well, that’s impressive!

MG: Especially considering that in the book, the only character we see or hear manipulating the weather on this scale is Sauron, who can apparently control the weather in the Ephel Duath (in the book, the blizzard on Caradhras wasn’t caused by Saruman, but powers native to the mountain itself). Alatar, you’ve been holding out on us!

“Since Shadow you now follow,” Alatar told him, “I will use shadow to defeat you!”

Shade: Hmmm; I’ll give you points for being poetic, but you’re still matching yourself against someone on a battlefield where they’re, by your admission, the expert… I’m not sure how this is going to go for you, but far be it from me to tell you how to wizard.

Glorfindel laughed madly and gestured. Again there appeared on his long fingers, Nine golden Rings set with different black gems. They glowed with Fire and Shadow, hotter than a dragon’s breath and darker than the Void.

“Have you never loved something with such an overwhelming passion that the thrill of it vibrated through your body with such intensity that was so extreme you knew nothing else would ever be as thrilling or as sweet?” Glorfindel asked. “Have you?!?”

Arueshalae: Yes. As a matter of fact, I have. Love saved me; but what you call love has damned you. And I can honestly say I feel sorry for you – and I also feel anger for the author who thought doing this to you was a good idea!

“We are different, you and I,” Alatar answered. “I was made in a different world, for a different purpose. I do not seek nor exult in pleasure, nor power.”

Arueshalae: And I was made to be a monster, a creature existing solely to seduce, kill and corrupt. For too long, I thought it was all I ever could be. But the goddess showed me that we don’t have to be what we were made to be – we can choose our own destinies, as I learned to choose mine! I am disgusted, but not surprised, that Alatar only seems to think he was different from Glorfindel because he was made to be different, and implicitly better, and not because of the different paths they chose to walk in their lives. I would think one of the Ainur would know that what we are made to be is not necessarily what we become. After all, wasn’t Morgoth himself once the greatest of the Valar? I think he was…

“Then you are a fool!” Glorfindel cried. Great waves of fire radiated from him, searing the air between them. It shot like a geyser burning sideways across the street.

MG: Gah, this really is turning into a Dragon Ball fight! Now Glorfindel is literally powering up and blasting the area around him with his ki aura or something!

“Axan arômêz ulban ošošai šebeth!” Alatar shouted, swinging his staff across his body.

Along the winds he had already summoned, blasts of freezing cold knocked everyone in the street down. It snuffed the flames, froze their skin and carried the terrible heat away.

Shade: And also gave everyone frostbite, assuming it didn’t kill them all outright. Good job, Alatar!

The Rings on Glorfindel’s fingers glowed brighter. His copper skin grew red as blood and hotter.

MG: So, yeah, between this and Glorfindel’s horns, it looks like he’s literally turning into the image of a stereotypical big red devil. Because Polychron thinks subtlety is for wimps, I guess. And I’ll note that the stereotypical “horned, red-skinned devil” doesn’t even seem to exist as an idea in Middle-earth, anyway – Balrogs are the closest, but even they don’t fit there exactly.

The wooden carts and gate posts lying shattered in the street burst into flames, and stronger fires no wind could stop shot from his hands across the street towards Alatar.

“Dušaman rušur ulban ullu ulubôz!” Alatar cried, his arms outspread.

Freezing rain drenched the streets in a sudden flood, extinguishing the flames before they reached him. They covered Glorfindel and buried him in layers of hard-packed freezing ice.

“No!” Glorfindel screamed. He fell to his knees beneath the growing weight of ice.

Arueshalae: I never would have imagined it was possible to make a fight between a divine messenger wizard and a fallen elf lord turned powerful demon this boring – clearly, I was wrong!

Gripping his infernal sword, it burst into flames. A great fireball enveloped him, flashing the ice and freezing rain to steam. It hissed and whistled, but couldn’t penetrate his Sphere of Fire.

MG: And now we’re literally at “attack techniques with specific names that are capitalized so we know how important they are.” This really is turning into an anime fight scene, isn’t it? It certainly has no basis in Tolkien!

Bigger, Louder, More!: 50 (I think this whole fight scene merits some points)

Glorfindel rose, furious at how quickly Alatar had almost beaten him. His sword burned hotter and he pointed it at the wizard. His hair glowed brighter, passing from gold to yellow to white too bright to look upon. Alatar realized too late – he was blind. He closed his eyes and opened them, looking left, right, up, down. It made no difference. All he could see was white.

Shade: *rolling her eyes* And truly, Polychron has captured the horror of a man who has just been suddenly and presumably painfully struck blind. How does he do it?

MG: And just so we’re all clear on what just happened, Glorfindel just blinded Alatar with the gleam of his hair. Let me say that again. Glorfindel. Just blinded Alatar. With the brilliant light of his hair… oh Dear Eru why, why did you think this was a good idea, Polychron, why!?

Never had he faced such a powerful foe and so quickly feared he might fall. If he lost the contest and his life, he would fail his mission. His spirit would be sent back to Aman, bodiless and formless, and face the Judgement of the Valar in the Ring of Doom at Máhanaxar.

Arueshalae: Maybe I’m being a little unfair, but I don’t really think Alatar has given me much reason to be generous… does it seem to anyone else like he’s literally thinking that the worst thing about failing his mission will be that the Valar will judge him for it, and not the fact that everyone he’s allegedly trying to protect will die? I can’t be reading that right… can I?

He drove his staff into the earth. Kneeling behind it, he called out a string of powerful commands. “Athâraigas ašata tulukha Mâchananaškad!”

Lancing down from the cloud-dark Heavens, great bolts of blue-white lightning struck the burning Sphere of Fire. Each bolt grew larger, with ever increasing intensity, again and again and again until at last, they broke the Sphere of Fire and hammered Glorfindel to the ground.

MG: See? “Sphere of Fire” is capitalized every time. Even with Polychron’s love of random capitalization, I can only conclude that this is literally the name of that specific technique.

Glorfindel rose, screaming. Pinioned in the lightning, his burning bright hair stood straight-out in every direction.

MG: Valar save us, Glorfindel’s gone Super Saiyan! *beat* Not a sentence I ever expected to type…

His red skin smoked and turned darker. The blinding white strands blackened and withered, and the terrible blinding brilliance pouring from his head faded.

With the last of his strength, Glorfindel threw his burning sword up in the air. Lifting his hands, his Rings shimmered. High above his head, his sword stopped and deflected the lightning, driving it into the ground.

Shade: …I’m not even going to try to make sense of it anymore. I just want this fight over with.

The bolts tore great rents in the earth and threw up clouds of dirt, which fell back down on him as the lighting increased in frequency and intensity. The sword glowed brighter, burning hotter. The pommel burst into flames and the blade began to melt.

“I’LL BE BACK FOR YOU!!!” Glorfindel screamed.

Arueshalae: For… his melted sword? Between this and the Ring, I’m beginning to think that Glorfindel just has a fetish for inanimate objects…

MG: I think he’s saying he’ll be back for revenge on Alatar, actually. Which just makes me imagine Alatar as played by Willem Defoe as the Green Goblin. “We’ll meet again, Spider-man!” Come to think, Estel’s already done more or less the same thing – twice now, even. And Lungorthin ran from Glorfindel himself… I think “running away from defeat while vowing vengeance” seems like a standard move for Polychron villains. Congratulations, you all have reached the level of Saturday Morning Cartoon villains. Hope you’re proud of yourselves

The most powerful bolt yet shattered the sword in a flash more blinding than the light that had blinded Alatar, and the terrible heat and flashing lights from Glorfindel went out. For more than a minute, great lightning bolts tore more huge holes in the earth, up and down the street.

MG: And it’s not like that would’ve caused collateral damage or anything! Congratulations, Alatar, between this and the ice storm earlier, I think you probably just killed everyone you were allegedly here to save!

Finally raising his hand, Alatar cried. “Athâra!”

The catastrophic bolts of lightning and deafening blasts of thunder abruptly stopped. Freezing rains continued pouring down, drenching the wizard’s kneeling form.

Shade: And of course, he only stopped them after they’d already spent “more than a minute” blasting the entire street – and presumably, everyone in it – to smoking craters. What a wonderful wizard!

Bigger, Louder, More!: 53 (adding a few more points for the end of the fight)

Terror gripped him. He feared he might have failed to push Glorfindel past his breaking point and not driven him away. Glorfindel could have used his Rings to vanish from all perception and at this very moment, be coming to strike him down.

If so, there was nothing he could do to stop him. Cautiously, he extended his senses. They told him, he hoped correctly, that Glorfindel had fled.

Arueshalae: So, he thinks Glorfindel has hidden himself from his senses, so he checks and when he can’t sense Glorfindel with said senses… he assumes he really is gone? I don’t think that makes much sense, does it?

But his uncertainty, the pain in his eyes, his blindness and defenselessness became a terrible helplessness and a horror he’d never known. Still kneeling, he shivered behind his staff. The freezing rains soaked his clothes and chilled him to the bone. This felt so much like the mortal terror Eldarion had described feeling when he faced Estel.

Arueshalae: Has Alatar never known fear for his own life before, so that he only recognizes the emotion at all based on someone else’s description of it? That might explain some things, honestly…

“Are you all right, sir?” a voice asked fearfully, kneeling in the rain beside him.

Shade: The voice is kneeling. Wonderful image, Polychron! *applauds sarcastically*

“I don’t know,” Alatar answered, not daring to move. “I can’t see. Where is Glorfindel?”

“If you mean the demon thing that was burning up the street,” the voice shouted over the pouring rain. “I think you’ve driven him away sir! The Easterlings outside the Gates are gone.”

MG: The Easterlings… who never actually did anything at all, though they were allegedly there the whole time? I guess they were just there to be Glorfindel’s backup singers, and had no reason to stick around once he was gone? *shrugs*

Traveling at the Speed of Plot: 30 (for the vanishing Easterling army)

Alatar lifted his head in the pelting downpour. He was still blind. He thought he saw vague spots coalescing in the whiteness. The burning pain in the back of his eyes grew sharper.

He tried to stand, but his soaked robes were pinned under his own feet. If not for his hands on his staff, he would have fallen face down in the freezing mud.

“Let me help you,” the voice clamored. A hand lifted one of Alatar’s muddy boots. It pulled the water-soaked freezing folds of his robes clear from beneath one foot, then the other. Another hand cupped his shivering elbow and lifted him, helping him stand in the slippery mud.

“What’s your name?” Alatar asked. He pulled his staff out. Raising it over his head, he shouted. “Mâchanumâz Amanaišal!”

The freezing rains stopped. He felt the Sun’s warmth on his face.

“Ron,” the voice answered, in the eerie sudden silence.

MG: Oh, by the Valar! Ron Weasley escaped both his constant abuses at the hands of HP badfic writers and JKR’s descent into TERFdom… only to end up trapped in FotK instead! He’s having the worst luck, poor kid!

“How old are you, Ron?” Alatar asked.

“I’m nearly thirteen sir,” the child said.

“What are you doing here, Ron?” Alatar asked.

“My father was a militiaman killed at the fall of the Prancing Pony,” the boy answered. “It fell to me to defend the East Gates in his place.”

Shade: Riiight, because the militia can clearly use an untrained thirteen-year-old. Either their standards are so low I don’t trust them to do any aspect of their job right – not to mention putting the kid in harm’s way – or the kid took this upon himself, and was lucky he didn’t get killed. For that matter, this would be a lot more heartwarming if I thought Alatar had actually saved anyone, instead of inflicting massive damage on the street and presumably the surrounding buildings and people that’ll probably take months if not years to fix. He’ll be lucky if he didn’t kill anyone with some of those stunts! And, say, he seems to have been the one who started the wizard fight at the inn too, so one could make a very good argument he’s responsible for the kid’s dad’s death, too. What a guy, Alatar!

“What if the Easterners had killed you?” Alatar asked.

“Then I should be dead sir,” he answered. “But I will have died doing my duty.”

Arueshalae: *sadly* Oh, you poor boy! I don’t know many human children, but I don’t think they usually talk that way unless they’ve been through some very traumatic things. If I ever find out who taught this child that it was his duty to lay down his life, I will have words with them. Until then, I just want to introduce this poor boy to some of my friends, Ember especially, who would take much better care of him.

“Listen Ron,” Alatar told him. He put his hand on the boy’s head. “I don’t want you to die. I want you to live, to report what you have seen so that someday, someone may remember. Will you do that for me, Ron?”

Shade: …that really does make it sound less like Alatar wants Ron to go report what just happened to the Mayor or someone who can act on this information, and more that he wants to make sure the tale of his deeds will be remembered for all time.

The boy answered solemnly. “It would be an honor to serve the wishes of the man who saved the City.”

Shade: *laughs uproariously at the idea that Alatar “saved the city”*

“Very good, Ron,” Alatar told him. He lifted his hand and silently completed the spells of protection he’d woven over the boy’s head. “Now hurry home Ron and don’t forget.”

“I shall ride with haste and not forget,” the boy named Ron said, hurrying away. As suddenly as he had appeared, the boy was gone.

Arueshalae: …now I’m only left thinking Alatar imagined him. Is that better or worse? I really don’t know…

Dripping water droplets pinged and plopped all around Alatar.

MG: That may be the silliest way to describe “it was raining” that I’ve ever heard…

He inhaled deeply, taking a moment to give thanks for his victory. Facing the Sun, he lifted his staff and spoke in the language of the Valar. They had taught him in the Gardens of Lórien, giving him Mastery to Command the Elements of Middle-earth using the words of Ilúvatar.

MG: …Alatar is a Maia. The chief difference between the Valar and the Maiar is one of magnitude, not inherent nature – they’re all Ainur, they were all part of the choir of the Ainur who sung the Ainulindalie under Eru’s direction and in so doing sung the cosmos into being. And they all as a result have insight into and power over said cosmos far beyond what Men or even Elves can normally attain. I mean, sure, there’s certainly the implication that the Maiar can add to their powers with further learning (the Sil describes Sauron as having “become a sorcerer of dreadful power,” Gandalf mentions knowing spells in the languages of elves, Men and orcs, etc.) but I think the implication is that most of a Maia’s power is just innate in themselves, not something they had to learn or be given.

Loremaster’s Headache: 185

He called to the Vala Arien driving the Chariot of the Sun high above his head, using words only she could comprehend. “Akašân šebeth amanaišal ibri Dušamanûðân!”

MG: …also, Arien is a Maia, not a Vala. If Alatar was invoking her, it would probably be less a prayer to a higher power, and more a formal request from one peer to another. Which would add an interesting subtext to this bit… but apparently not.

Loremaster’s Headache: 186

A golden glow descended from the Heavens. Coursing down through the skies, it softly touched his face and filled his eyes. There, the glow waxed brighter, held, then faded.

Alatar slowly opened his seeing eyes, blinking amidst the radiance. He bowed, giving thanks to the Vala Arien. “Tulukha iniðil axan, Athâraigas.”

Shade: And so Alatar just healed his eyes right away, then! Guess we can’t have consequences around here or anything…

MG: And Arien is still a Maia. Just for the record. And I don’t think she can just… heal blindness like that, either.

Loremaster’s Headache: 188

The golden glow withdrew.

Sailing back up through the skies, it vanished in the light of the Sun.

Arueshalae: The glow… vanished into the light? I’m trying to picture that, and failing. Is it supposed to be a figure of speech? I do sometimes still have trouble with those…

MG: No, I think it’s just a weird and rather poor bit of wording, that’s all.

Turning, Alatar looked out across the walls of Bree and whistled. Not far off, Silverfall answered with a joyous neigh and came running. His hooves clattered loudly as he ran over the cobbled streets. Reaching the wizard, he nuzzled his nose against his master’s chest. Alatar stroked his horse’s head.

“Come, my friend,” he said, mounting Silverfall’s back. “We must find the Prince and see him safely home before the fall of Gondor.”

Arueshalae: Gondor is going to fall? What? When? How? When did we learn this?

MG: Never, why? In fact, Gondor never does fall at any point in this fic, and for now, all our heroes will be preparing to converge on Rivendell, to confront Glorfindel and rescue Elladan and Elrohir. So, I don’t know what Alatar is thinking here, other than that he’s being needlessly overdramatic. Anyway, the chapter is now at an end! Thank you for all your help, ladies – this was a bad one! Arueshalae, as we’ve reached the end of Alatar’s flashbacks, you’re free to head back to Golarion; I might call on you again later in the fic, if you don’t mind – there are some parts in the back half of the fic you might be interested in - but probably not for a while. Thank you for joining us!

Arueshalae: It was my pleasure. And if you call for me again, I will come. I think some things need to be seen through to the end. Desna shine upon you!

MG: And so, this chapter… yikes. Half of it was given over to wrapping up Glorfindel’s backstory, and it continues the trend of being ridiculously edgy and over-the-top and in undermining LotR’s original ending. Not only have Glorfindel and Thuringel set themselves up jointly on Sauron’s throne, but both Barad-dur and the One Ring itself are back, in a manner of speaking! By the Valar, it’s like the War of the Ring never even happened! And don’t even get me started on the weirdness of Orodruin being some sort of multiversal nexus, or how Glorfindel’s plans mostly seem to succeed because everyone politely shrugs and looks the other way for him. As for the second half of the chapter… I stand by what I said earlier. That was a Dragon Ball fight, in the worst possible way, not a LotR fight. And I still can’t get over how Glorfindel literally blinded a dude with his hair. Just… what. Also, despite the title, this chapter did not involve any sort of absolution of anything, at all.

As for Glorfindel’s downfall and backstory, now that we’re through with it, I have some things to say. Needless to say, I don’t like it. For one, as some of you in the comments have already brought up, there are some pretty horrible implications in how Sauron basically tortures and mind rapes Glorfindel into becoming Sauron 2.0. PTSD and addiction make you into a Dark Lord, people – you heard it from Demetrious Polychron first! /s Not helped by the way Alatar seems to think he would never fall like Glorfindel did because he was just made better, somehow. And, frankly, the whole litany of everything Glorfindel was supposedly behind across Arda’s history and how he was sneering down his nose inside at all the canonical heroes while still effortlessly getting the wool pulled over his eyes so the plot can happen just makes me think of PKH and Darth Dumbledore – and you do not want to remind me of PKH, and certainly not its villains! And of course, Glorfindel only gets away with all of this because everyone else involved – from Sauron thinking forcing him to wear the One Ring was a good idea, to all the other elves taking his postures of exaggerated innocence and “who, me?” at face value and never noticing how obviously he’s up to no good – seem to have their intelligence dropped to sub-basement levels. And yet Polychron still seems to think he can convince us that Glorfindel is a greater threat and more dangerous Dark Lord than Sauron himself. Just… what a mess, of a character and a plotline. And we’ve not seen the last of him, so it’s going to get even weirder; you have been warned.

Anyway, that’s all for today. Next time, the Oliphaunt caravan leaves Bree, Alatar catches up with the rest of our heroes, and everyone’s least favorite edgelord (come to think – as one of Elrond’s closest retainers, Glorfindel would’ve known Estel as a child, and Estel is one of his major rivals for power in the present – and yet Estel gets zero mentions in his flashback; sure tells you how important he is to the story, doesn’t it?) makes his grand return. We’ll see you then! Our counts stand at:

Bigger, Louder, More!: 53

Expansion-Pack World: 13

Feel My Edge: 67

Happy Ending Override: 22

Linguistic Confusions: 26

Loremaster’s Headache: 188

Pervy Hobbit Fanciers: 38

Plot-Induced Stupidity: 97

Rings-a-Palooza: 85

Take That, Tolkien!: 25

Traveling at the Speed of Plot: 29

The Unfair Sex: 36