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masterghandalfThis is a repost from Das_Sporking2. Previous installments of this spork may be found here.
Warning: This chapter contains deaths, violence, and discussion of sexism and torture.
MG: Well, everyone, it’s time to continue our journey through Robert Newcomb’s The Scrolls of the Ancients. We’re in the home stretch now, folks – should be only three more proper sporking posts to go (plus final thoughts for the whole trilogy), counting this one! Almost there! Last time, we finally met one of the Acolytes of Fledgling House as she was summoned back to the Redoubt, Tristan, Celeste and the wizards made plans and found out that Tristan and Celeste’s child could be a monster, if they ever have one (because clearly this series needed another evil baby after Nicholas II), and some very dumb Minions stumbled onto Wulfgar’s ship and got themselves killed. Today, our grand (?) climax for not only the book but the whole trilogy begins – can Newcomb stick to the landing? Has he left any room for the landing to stick to? Let’s find out! Joining us today will be Tahiri and Ash!
Chapter Sixty-Seven
Tahiri: Hey, at least we’re almost done! How much more badness could Newcomb cram into about nine percent of a book, anyway? *beat* I’m going to regret asking that question, aren’t I? Anyway, we open with this lovely scene:
"The thirteen confused women sat side by side in the Hall of Supplication, each waiting her turn to approach the lead wizard. Wigg and Faegan sat at a table before them. On the table was a tall stack of parchment documents, and an odd-looking device the likes of which none of the women had ever seen. A group who had already passed the wizards' exotic tests sat off to one side."
Tahiri: *rolls her eyes* Let me guess; the very first thing the wizards did after summoning the Acolytes was test their blood. Gods, these sleemos have one-track minds, don’t they? We cut to Adrian as she waits her turn, looking around at her surroundings and waxing poetic for a bit about how beautiful they all are; she’s also talked a bit with her fellows about how they all received the exact same magical summons. Apparently, Adrian herself is the most senior, so she led them all into the palace, where they were greeted by Geldon (…honestly, probably the best option out of everyone who could have been given that job) who explained how Wigg summoned them. Which they find reassuring for some reason (no, no! Stay far away from Wigg – you’ll live longer that way!). So Geldon led them all to the Hall of Supplication and formally introduced them to the wizards. Adrian gets shaken out of her recollections when her name gets called; she approaches Wigg, who tells her no harm will come to her here (yeah, right) and that he knew her father, who was one of the best of the Consuls – and he doesn’t know if he’s alive or dead. They do a bit of question and answer – how long has it been since she graduated from Fledgling House (nine years, making her part of the first class), is she married (no), does she have children (no), does she have the Paragorn tattoo (yes, which she shows Wigg) and can she demonstrate some magic with enough control she doesn’t summon the azure glow, which I guess is a sign of sloppiness now (she does, lighting a fire in a nearby fireplace). And then Wigg takes her blood signature. Called it!
Blood Matters: 227
Ash: And so Wigg and Faegan examine the signature and seem to find it acceptable *hisses angrily* as they bid Adrian welcome, tell her that her father would be proud if he was here, they’ll appreciate her experience, and have her take a seat with the others they’ve already tested. They then finish up examining everyone else – which takes about two hours – and apparently all the Acolytes pass. *flatly* Yaaay. Wigg then brings them up to speed on recent events – thankfully for once Newcomb has the restraint to just summarize briefly – and tells them that Tristan wanted to meet them all in person but was otherwise occupied, and tells them all about the Minions and how they don’t need to fear them (and apparently, despite the Minions’ having brutally sacked Tammerland and much of the coast a year or so ago, this is the first time any of the Acolytes have had any experience with them? Really?). And then Wigg makes a speech:
"From this day forward, you are no longer to be known as the acolytes of Fledgling House," he said solemnly. "You are now the acolytes of the Redoubt, and your place is here, with us. You are hereby accorded all the rights and responsibilities associated with your new positions. As more of your sisterhood arrive, they will be examined as you have been. If they are found to be true acolytes, their blood also unpolluted by the Vagaries, they too will be blended into the fold." Then the lead wizard smiled.
“Welcome, ladies,” he said with obvious feeling. “This moment has been too long in coming. It is truly a historic day.”
Ash: And you know what? All of that would be kind of heartwarming – except that it’s Wigg’s own fault that they were shunted to the sidelines in the first place by the rules he helped make and enforce, and if it wasn’t blatantly obvious that he and Faegan are only summoning the Acolytes back and bringing them into the fold at the very last minute because they need all the help they can get. That doesn’t sound like Wigg has learned his lesson – it sounds like he’s desperate. Take care of yourselves, ladies – I wouldn’t count on his generosity being all that lasting once he doesn’t feel like he needs you. I don’t know how he’ll screw this up, but knowing Wigg, he’ll find a way. But in any case, that’s it for the chapter. Goddess, that was short.
MG: Indeed it was! And, as Ash has already summed up the biggest problems with it for us, I can only say – onward!
Blood Matters: 230
Gender Wars: 95
Chapter Sixty-Eight
Tahiri: And so, we open with Tristan pacing on his flagship, frustrated that they still have no news of Wulfgar and his fleet. He wonders if this was all a pointless fool’s errand (I mean, that does sum up this whole series pretty well, if you ask me…) and if Grizelda deliberately fed them bad intel and, if so, what Wulfgar is really up to (I mean, you figured out what he was up to and his most likely plan to carry that out from the Scroll, so… would it matter if she did?). But he has heard that two of the Minions have gone missing (yeah, I wasn’t here last time, but I heard it was stupid) and takes that as a sign something is about to happen. Oh, and then we get this:
It felt good to be at sea again. His newly acquired love of sailing was truly a part of him now—a part he hoped he would never have to give up completely. As the brisk westerlies moved through his hair, he casually grasped a line of rigging and leaned against the gunwale, his mind lost in thought.
Tahiri: …your previous experience at sea consisted of being enslaved, being rescued by a privateer, attacked by sea monsters, having to put in for repairs at and barely escaping a pirate port, and then only surviving a sea battle with those pirates because your Minions showed up to rescue you. What part of this gave you a “newly acquired love of sailing,” exactly? We learn that it’s been several days since the Acolytes arrived and Wigg, Shailiha, Traax, Abbey and K’Jarr have all joined Tristan with the fleet, Geldon is in charge of welcoming any new Acolytes who trickle in, Shawna and a nameless Minion are watching over the kids, and Ox is in charge of guarding the palace, with Faegan and Celeste there in case they need to use magic to defend the Scroll. Finally, Traax comes over to stand with Tristan, who starts wondering just where Wulfgar’s armada is and if it’s all been a ruse. So… what he was thinking about earlier, really, he’s just saying it out loud now. *rolls her eyes* Great job, Newcomb! Traax doesn’t know, but says in Tristan’s place he’d be doing the same thing because it’d be too much of a risk not to. *applauds sarcastically* And so we’re all having so much fun telling each other about what we’re doing! Tristan’s about to answer him when suddenly the air goes cold and the flagship falls still. Yay, something’s actually happening now! Which made all that conversation about how nothing is happening so very necessary, doesn’t it?
Ash: I suppose starting with the cold rolling in would be too dramatic for Newcomb’s tastes? Well, the sea goes completely still as everyone comes running, gawking and trying to figure out what’s going on, while Tristan remembers something Tyranny told him about how speed is the one thing that kept her ships alive, which is hardly reassuring considering they’re basically frozen in place now. Finally, Tristan notices Traax’s expression and asks him what’s going on, and he confirms that he recognizes it – the Necrophagians are coming. And nothing I know of can stop them. Which would be rather more ominous if there wasn’t another trilogy following these characters after this one. Tristan grabs Traax’s shoulders, realizing that the Necrophagians never travel this far west and already spots the fog that indicates their imminent arrival forming. He orders Traax to have all the ships in the fleet furl their sails; Traax protests it will do no good, but Tristan tells him to do it, and to have K’Jarr sent to him. As Traax heads off to comply, Wigg shows up and asks what’s going on. But thankfully we’re spared yet another explanation of things we already know as the fog starts forming into ghostly hands that grasp the ships, though the Minions are working as fast as they can on the sails. The sea starts roiling as the Necrophagians’ faces surface, followed by the “maelstroms” of screechlings.
And then Tristan gasped as he saw the first of Wulfgar's demonslavers. The white-skinned monsters had seemingly materialized out of thin air to land crouching on the decks of his ships, their swords and tridents at the ready. Screaming wildly, they began hacking into the surprised Minion warriors with suicidal fury.
Ash: …I guess nobody considered they might be invisible? Even though Wigg not only knows that can be done, but has done it himself, and knows that Wulfgar probably has access to all sorts of weird magic he learned from either Krassus (who could’ve gotten it from Nicholas) or the Scroll itself? The slavers attack everyone, including Tristan; they fight for a bit before he takes its head off. He then spots Shailha fighting another slaver and comes to her rescue by hitting it in the neck with a throwing knife, and the monster fell over. I’m sorry, I don’t know why that description is so funny to me… but it is. It’s just so… hilariously bland and blunt, isn’t it? Meanwhile, Wigg is blasting slaver after slaver with bolts of “azure” magic (I’ll note that Shailiha is the only one here who couldn’t handle her slaver on her own… interesting, don’t you agree?) and Tristan thinks they might actually win… until the screechlings descend on the fleet and start ripping their way through the Minion warriors, tearing some of them apart and dragging others over the side to be consumed by the Necrophagians. Despite all of the screaming, clanging sword blades, and mayhem, the sickening tear of Minion flesh could be heard rising from waters that were quickly turning red with the crimson stains of death. Hmmm; a horrific scene, but Newcomb’s mix of overwrought descriptions and bland descriptions takes a bit off the edge off.
Gender Wars: 96 (for Shailiha being the only one who needs to be rescued)
Gratuitous Grimdark: 69 (going ahead and giving one point for Newcomb’s fondness for gory violence)
Tahiri: Tristan, Traax and K’Jarr are slashing violently with their weapons (though it’s not entirely clear who or what they’re slashing, at this point…) when Traax is suddenly stunned by something. Tristan looks to see the ships of Wulfgar’s fleet materializing all around them, and belatedly realizes that’s where the slavers are coming from *facepalm*. Anyway, he realizes that they’re now hopelessly outnumbered as more slavers swarm aboard; he guesses Wulfgar must have been responsible for this trap, though he’s confused as to why Wigg hasn’t sensed his blood if he’s here (yes, the book specifies it’s Wulfgar’s blood Wigg could sense, because even detecting someone else’s magic comes back down to blood in these books). But Tristan has one last plan – which he doesn’t share with us – and orders the Minions to get Shailiha, Wigg and Abbey onto a litter and evacuate them while leaving another litter unoccupied. Traax heads off, and Tristan asks K’Jarr if her remembers some other unspecified “orders.” K’Jarr says he does and won’t fail, and Tristan reminds him that apparently all of Eutracia rests on him now (oooh, dramatic!).
K’Jarr flies off, and Tristan has to make his way across the deck surrounded by a horde of Minions to keep him safe, and we’re told the slavers are now so thick around them that many Minions do indeed die to protect him. Which doesn’t seem to bother Tristan at all. Finally Tristan reaches the litter and the Minions fly him off, with all the Minions still fighting on the ships disengaging and joining them in the air. Tristan isn’t sure if his plan will work, and looks over to see Shailiha, who I guess was wounded, being tended by Wigg. Tristan is left wondering if he did the right thing while his plan plays out, and the scene ends there.
Blood Matters: 231
Gender Wars: 97
Protagonist-Centered Morality: 102
Ash: We cut to K’Jarr as he fights his way through the screechlings, avoids the Necrophagians, and eventually finds a place on the deck clear enough for him to land. There he removes a package, shoves it into the gap between the bowsprit rail and the hull then flies off after the litters as the scene ends. We then cut back to Tristan, in a litter high above the fighting, as Wigg nods at him. The demonslavers have now completely killed or driven off the Minions and control the fleet; K’Jarr shows up by the litter a moment later and tells Tristan he’s done as commanded. Tristan then orders the two litters to separate, and nods at Wigg that it’s time. Apparently, the plan hinges on Wigg being able to hold both litters in place and make a warp, which he’s not sure he can do, but Tristan tells him they’re out of time. Looking at Abbey, Wigg steels himself and then summons bolts that he blasts the empty litter with. Two of the warriors were badly burned, but it couldn’t be helped. *flatly* Truly, this is a man of deep compassion. Wigg is clearly exerting a lot of effort to both keep the litter airborne and to maintain the warp he’s put around it, but Tristan finally tells him it’s time. Traax picks up Abbey and flies her over to the other litter, where she drops some of her herbal ingredients into the fire Wigg started. This causes the flames to erupt into a full-sized gazing flame, consuming most of the litter, and then offers it a fragment of the Scroll of the Vigors, while the item Traax deposited earlier was their remaining fragment of the Scroll of the Vagaries, which still has Krassus’ booby trap on it.
Once Abbey has managed to scry the other fragment, she immediately dismisses the gazing flame and the Minions fly everyone away as fast as they can. Behind them, Krassus’ trap activates as the fragment explodes in a massive burst of magical energy, destroying first the flagship and then spreading to other nearby ships. Demonslavers get blasted overboard, where the Necrophagians happily start eating them, as both fleets go up in magical fire. The blood on the ocean seemed to stretch on forever. Not that our heroes seem too upset by that. Then the blast consumes the screechlings as well, though the Necrophagians appear to flee. *shakes her head* Goddess, that was thorough. And seemed a lot more powerful than when the fragment back at the palace exploded – I don’t think it caused nearly this much damage! Finally, everyone is left staring at the wreckage of the fleets, while the shards of Krassus’ spell form up as though looking for more victims. Okay, you managed to get rid of the last explosion from this trap by throwing it through a window. This… this is pretty terrifying, and nothing like that! The bolts shoot towards our “heroes” and Tristan orders the Minions to get them out of here, now. The Minions manage to race above the cloud cover, but the bolts still follow them; finally, Wigg leans out of the litter to perform some sort of counterspell, I guess. But, in case you were worried Wigg was about to be useful for once – don’t be! Apparently, they’ve reached the maximum distance for Krassus’ spell and it fades on its own before Wigg can do anything. His record of supreme uselessness remains unbroken. In any case, Tristan and Wigg share a relieved expression and the Minions turn back for home as the chapter ends.
MG: My biggest takeaway from this chapter is that it’s very rushed. The entire naval battle, which we’ve been hyping up for several chapters now, complete with Wulfgar’s recruiting of the screechlings and Necrophagians and his use of the invisibility spell (which goes entirely without comment here, I’ll note) and the fleet has just been entirely wiped out (and the Necrophagians, after the big deal we made about Wulfgar recruiting them, ended up contributing very little). I’m torn on the method, though. Part of me thinks it’s actually rather clever to both turn Krassus’s own magic against Team Vagaries and to make use of a Chekov’s Gun that Newcomb actually set up decently well. On the other hand, the effect was a lot more powerful than we’d been led to believe from the last time it happened, going from something that can be contained in one room in the palace to something capable of wiping out two massive fleets. Maybe the idea is supposed to be that it feeds itself with each target, but if so, it’s not made particularly clear. Anyway, we have one chapter left to go today, so, onward!
Contrivances and Coincidences: 63 (one point for the spell being powerful enough to wipe out both fleets, one point for it nonetheless running out of steam right when it did)
Gratuitous Grimdark: 70
Protagonist-Centered Morality: 103
Chapter Sixty-Nine,
Tahiri: We open with Celeste as she wonders if Tristan is all right – apparently, they haven’t had a Minion messenger come from him today, so she’s worried. She’s with Faegan in the Hall of Blood records, and they’ve been studying Wulfgar’s signature for some clue (on how to defeat him, I guess? *shrugs*) but haven’t come up with anything. Celeste herself, meanwhile, is also going a little stir-crazy being cooped up in the palace (considering how long she was a slave, maybe it’s bringing bad memories back – then again, Newcomb seems to think she got over that, and it doesn’t matter anymore, so who knows *disgusted face*). Finally, Faegan assures her that Wigg, Tristan, Abbey and Shailiha are some of the most resourceful people he knows *doubles over laughing* ahem, and if anyone can stop Wulfgar, it’s them. And, for that matter, they don’t even know if Wulfgar actually launched his attack or not. Which, of course, turns out to be tempting fate, as Celeste suddenly freezes and points up at the ceiling, where a blue glow is forming – the same sort of glow Krassus made when he arrived near the beginning of the book.
And sure enough, that glow coalesces into a man – Wulfgar himself! Faegan and Celeste both shoot bolts at him, but he casually dodges and jumps down (since when does Wulfgar have this sort of training?) and catches Faegan in a warp. Celeste launches more bolts, but Wulfgar dodges again so all she hits is a bookcase, which starts burning. Wulfgar vanishes again, and then Celeste hears him laughing from out of the smoke. Because this wasn’t cliched enough, apparently. And then he blasts her with a couple of bolts of his own, which send her flying across the room and knock her out. Sounds like she’s lucky she didn’t exploded to me, but hey, I’m just a Jedi – this isn’t my world, and isn’t the Force as I know it so, who even knows. We cut to Wulfgar as he extinguishes the fire, then sits down across from Faegan and loosens the warp to let him speak. Faegan guesses who Wulfgar is and has it confirmed, then demands to know if Celeste is dead. Wulfgar isn’t sure and doesn’t really care.
"In truth, I do not know," he answered unconcernedly, as if he were discussing the weather instead of the survival of a fellow human being. "She is the daughter of Wigg, is she not? Krassus told me of her. Such a rare beauty! Were I not otherwise involved, I might be inclined to take her for myself."
Then the menacing eyes turned back and found Faegan again. "But she is not the reason I have come," Wulfgar said. "I have far greater goals to attain, and you are going to help me. I have come to accomplish what
Tahiri: …gah, I hate seeing what probably started out as the most sympathetic character in this mess reduced to talking like a second-rate Sith Lord from a third-rate holodrama. Anyway, Wulfgar demands the Scroll of the Vigors, Faegan warns him Tristan and Wigg will return and put a stop to him so he has very little time (what’re they going to do that Faegan and Celeste couldn’t?) and Wulfgar talks about how clever he'd heard Faegan was, and clearly that was right. I can only assume he’s saying that with heavy sarcasm.
Blood Matters: 232
Dastardly Deeds: 140
Ash: Anyway, Wulfgar says that everyone with the Minion fleet is now dead (you know, maybe if we literally hadn’t just seen that it’s Wulfgar’s fleet that just got wiped out, that would actually be meaningful and not something that makes Wulfgar look like an overconfident idiot) and if they do escape he’s left more guards behind to take care of them, and now he wants to have a chat with Faegan. He repeats his question, telling Faegan that he’ll cause himself a great deal of pain if he refuses to answer; Faegan, straining to break free of the warp, tells him that the Minions here in the palace will stop him. Wulfgar isn’t worried – he used his invisibility spell to bring a large force of demonslavers with him who outnumber the Minions and are dealing with them now – and he knows the Minions won’t retreat unless ordered to (how?) so they’ll all be killed. And then he makes a crack about how the Minions are basically committing suicide by fighting, and goddess, this really is a different person entirely in Wulfgar’s skin, isn’t it? Wulfgar then explains how he turned invisible, snuck, into the palace, cloaked his blood signature, and then followed Faegan down to the Chamber of Blood Records. Faegan demands to know why Wulfgar wants the Scroll so badly, since he doesn’t actually need it to destroy the Orb of the Vigors – ah, to deny it to his enemies, maybe? Wulfgar says that both scrolls are of value to him, especially since the Scroll of the Vigors explains what’s going on with Tristan’s blue blood; if he can figure out how to keep Tristan’s blood from changing back to red, nobody will ever be able to be powerful enough to challenge him. Okay, one, that’s forgetting Shailiha, and two, wouldn’t killing him be easier?
Faegan wants to know how Wulfgar can willingly commit such atrocities, even with a left-leaning blood signature – gah, for one, that’s literally reducing a person’s moral stature to something beyond their control that they can’t help, and do I need to repeat my rant from earlier in this book about how grotesque that is? And for another – we know Wulfgar was brainwashed! He’s not doing this, or anything, of his own free will, because Krassus completely overwrote him with this new personality! And so Wulfgar explains that he’s the Enseterat and his half-siblings are Jin’Sai and Jin’Saiou, and that means he represents the Heretics while they represent… the Twos? I think that’s supposed to be the Ones? Wrong number, Newcomb! Anyway, they’re enemies because of destiny and I just can’t get over how boring, cliched and contrived this all is. Wulfgar asks again for the scroll, but Faegan rallies his mental defenses to keep him out. The fate of the world would soon boil down to a contest of endowed wills. And blood. Oh, shut the Nine Hells up, Newcomb! We get it, you love blood so much even vampires would think you’re slightly obsessed, but enough is enough! And so Wulfgar decides on another approach, and magically pushes back Faegan’s robes to reveal the stumps of his legs. *weakly* Oh, I don’t think I’m going to like where this is going…
Blood Matters: 236
Dastardly Deeds: 141
Gender Wars: 98
Tahiri: Well, we get a length description of how horribly damaged Faegan’s legs are, which I think is basically the same as from the first book so I’ll spare you, as Wulfgar comments that the Coven clearly did a good job on him. And indeed, this causes Faegan to have a flashback to when the Coven tortured him – oh, he gets to have lingering trauma, but Celeste has to get over hers so she can be a proper girlfriend for Tristan, is that about right? Barf. Faegan tries to goad Wulfgar into reading his mind, which he’s prepared himself for, but Wulfgar has other ideas.
"I could," Wulfgar answered. "But when Krassus told me of the nature of your infirmity, I realized that this approach would prove infinitely more entertaining. And with your friends all dead, and my demon-slavers in control of the palace, we have all the time in the world to amuse each other. Besides, should this prove unsuccessful, I can always walk through your thoughts later." The wicked smile came again.
Tahiri: Guys, it’s really subtle, but I think Newcomb wants to remind us that Wulfgar is totally eeevil. Now. Seriously, I repeat myself, but this is nothing like the man we met at the beginning of the book – and there’s a reason for that! Wulfgar then spots Faegan’s violin where he left it earlier and starts playing it telekinetically, while saying it would be nice to have some music while he works. Personally speaking, I don’t like screaming. It’s so… common. *bemused* Okay, now I’m starting to think Krassus actually had a collection of those old holodramas I mentioned, and his brainwashing of Wulfgar involved forcing him to watch them all on loop until his mind fell apart and he thought he actually was a cliched Sith Lord. Makes as much sense as anything. Well, still playing, Wulfgar leans forward and says they’re about to begin, as the chapter ends.
MG: And honestly… yeah, this whole last chapter clearly exists just to reinforce the idea that Wulfgar is now eeevil all the way through, and to get him in position for the final battle. And at that… well, again, it feels very anticlimactic, and very contrived. But really, would it be a Newcomb book without a bizarrely anticlimactic climax? Anyway, that’s all for today. Next time, in the penultimate sporking post of the Chronicles of Blood and Stone (again, discounting final thoughts) it’s Tristan versus Wulfgar! We’ll see you then! Our counts stand at:
Blood Matters: 238
Contrivances and Coincidences: 63
Dastardly Deeds: 143
Exposition Intrusion: 294
Gender Wars: 98
Gratuitous Grimdark: 70
Plot-Induced Stupidity: 110
Protagonist-Centered Morality: 103
Retcons and Revelations: 29
Warning: This chapter contains deaths, violence, and discussion of sexism and torture.
MG: Well, everyone, it’s time to continue our journey through Robert Newcomb’s The Scrolls of the Ancients. We’re in the home stretch now, folks – should be only three more proper sporking posts to go (plus final thoughts for the whole trilogy), counting this one! Almost there! Last time, we finally met one of the Acolytes of Fledgling House as she was summoned back to the Redoubt, Tristan, Celeste and the wizards made plans and found out that Tristan and Celeste’s child could be a monster, if they ever have one (because clearly this series needed another evil baby after Nicholas II), and some very dumb Minions stumbled onto Wulfgar’s ship and got themselves killed. Today, our grand (?) climax for not only the book but the whole trilogy begins – can Newcomb stick to the landing? Has he left any room for the landing to stick to? Let’s find out! Joining us today will be Tahiri and Ash!
Chapter Sixty-Seven
Tahiri: Hey, at least we’re almost done! How much more badness could Newcomb cram into about nine percent of a book, anyway? *beat* I’m going to regret asking that question, aren’t I? Anyway, we open with this lovely scene:
"The thirteen confused women sat side by side in the Hall of Supplication, each waiting her turn to approach the lead wizard. Wigg and Faegan sat at a table before them. On the table was a tall stack of parchment documents, and an odd-looking device the likes of which none of the women had ever seen. A group who had already passed the wizards' exotic tests sat off to one side."
Tahiri: *rolls her eyes* Let me guess; the very first thing the wizards did after summoning the Acolytes was test their blood. Gods, these sleemos have one-track minds, don’t they? We cut to Adrian as she waits her turn, looking around at her surroundings and waxing poetic for a bit about how beautiful they all are; she’s also talked a bit with her fellows about how they all received the exact same magical summons. Apparently, Adrian herself is the most senior, so she led them all into the palace, where they were greeted by Geldon (…honestly, probably the best option out of everyone who could have been given that job) who explained how Wigg summoned them. Which they find reassuring for some reason (no, no! Stay far away from Wigg – you’ll live longer that way!). So Geldon led them all to the Hall of Supplication and formally introduced them to the wizards. Adrian gets shaken out of her recollections when her name gets called; she approaches Wigg, who tells her no harm will come to her here (yeah, right) and that he knew her father, who was one of the best of the Consuls – and he doesn’t know if he’s alive or dead. They do a bit of question and answer – how long has it been since she graduated from Fledgling House (nine years, making her part of the first class), is she married (no), does she have children (no), does she have the Paragorn tattoo (yes, which she shows Wigg) and can she demonstrate some magic with enough control she doesn’t summon the azure glow, which I guess is a sign of sloppiness now (she does, lighting a fire in a nearby fireplace). And then Wigg takes her blood signature. Called it!
Blood Matters: 227
Ash: And so Wigg and Faegan examine the signature and seem to find it acceptable *hisses angrily* as they bid Adrian welcome, tell her that her father would be proud if he was here, they’ll appreciate her experience, and have her take a seat with the others they’ve already tested. They then finish up examining everyone else – which takes about two hours – and apparently all the Acolytes pass. *flatly* Yaaay. Wigg then brings them up to speed on recent events – thankfully for once Newcomb has the restraint to just summarize briefly – and tells them that Tristan wanted to meet them all in person but was otherwise occupied, and tells them all about the Minions and how they don’t need to fear them (and apparently, despite the Minions’ having brutally sacked Tammerland and much of the coast a year or so ago, this is the first time any of the Acolytes have had any experience with them? Really?). And then Wigg makes a speech:
"From this day forward, you are no longer to be known as the acolytes of Fledgling House," he said solemnly. "You are now the acolytes of the Redoubt, and your place is here, with us. You are hereby accorded all the rights and responsibilities associated with your new positions. As more of your sisterhood arrive, they will be examined as you have been. If they are found to be true acolytes, their blood also unpolluted by the Vagaries, they too will be blended into the fold." Then the lead wizard smiled.
“Welcome, ladies,” he said with obvious feeling. “This moment has been too long in coming. It is truly a historic day.”
Ash: And you know what? All of that would be kind of heartwarming – except that it’s Wigg’s own fault that they were shunted to the sidelines in the first place by the rules he helped make and enforce, and if it wasn’t blatantly obvious that he and Faegan are only summoning the Acolytes back and bringing them into the fold at the very last minute because they need all the help they can get. That doesn’t sound like Wigg has learned his lesson – it sounds like he’s desperate. Take care of yourselves, ladies – I wouldn’t count on his generosity being all that lasting once he doesn’t feel like he needs you. I don’t know how he’ll screw this up, but knowing Wigg, he’ll find a way. But in any case, that’s it for the chapter. Goddess, that was short.
MG: Indeed it was! And, as Ash has already summed up the biggest problems with it for us, I can only say – onward!
Blood Matters: 230
Gender Wars: 95
Chapter Sixty-Eight
Tahiri: And so, we open with Tristan pacing on his flagship, frustrated that they still have no news of Wulfgar and his fleet. He wonders if this was all a pointless fool’s errand (I mean, that does sum up this whole series pretty well, if you ask me…) and if Grizelda deliberately fed them bad intel and, if so, what Wulfgar is really up to (I mean, you figured out what he was up to and his most likely plan to carry that out from the Scroll, so… would it matter if she did?). But he has heard that two of the Minions have gone missing (yeah, I wasn’t here last time, but I heard it was stupid) and takes that as a sign something is about to happen. Oh, and then we get this:
It felt good to be at sea again. His newly acquired love of sailing was truly a part of him now—a part he hoped he would never have to give up completely. As the brisk westerlies moved through his hair, he casually grasped a line of rigging and leaned against the gunwale, his mind lost in thought.
Tahiri: …your previous experience at sea consisted of being enslaved, being rescued by a privateer, attacked by sea monsters, having to put in for repairs at and barely escaping a pirate port, and then only surviving a sea battle with those pirates because your Minions showed up to rescue you. What part of this gave you a “newly acquired love of sailing,” exactly? We learn that it’s been several days since the Acolytes arrived and Wigg, Shailiha, Traax, Abbey and K’Jarr have all joined Tristan with the fleet, Geldon is in charge of welcoming any new Acolytes who trickle in, Shawna and a nameless Minion are watching over the kids, and Ox is in charge of guarding the palace, with Faegan and Celeste there in case they need to use magic to defend the Scroll. Finally, Traax comes over to stand with Tristan, who starts wondering just where Wulfgar’s armada is and if it’s all been a ruse. So… what he was thinking about earlier, really, he’s just saying it out loud now. *rolls her eyes* Great job, Newcomb! Traax doesn’t know, but says in Tristan’s place he’d be doing the same thing because it’d be too much of a risk not to. *applauds sarcastically* And so we’re all having so much fun telling each other about what we’re doing! Tristan’s about to answer him when suddenly the air goes cold and the flagship falls still. Yay, something’s actually happening now! Which made all that conversation about how nothing is happening so very necessary, doesn’t it?
Ash: I suppose starting with the cold rolling in would be too dramatic for Newcomb’s tastes? Well, the sea goes completely still as everyone comes running, gawking and trying to figure out what’s going on, while Tristan remembers something Tyranny told him about how speed is the one thing that kept her ships alive, which is hardly reassuring considering they’re basically frozen in place now. Finally, Tristan notices Traax’s expression and asks him what’s going on, and he confirms that he recognizes it – the Necrophagians are coming. And nothing I know of can stop them. Which would be rather more ominous if there wasn’t another trilogy following these characters after this one. Tristan grabs Traax’s shoulders, realizing that the Necrophagians never travel this far west and already spots the fog that indicates their imminent arrival forming. He orders Traax to have all the ships in the fleet furl their sails; Traax protests it will do no good, but Tristan tells him to do it, and to have K’Jarr sent to him. As Traax heads off to comply, Wigg shows up and asks what’s going on. But thankfully we’re spared yet another explanation of things we already know as the fog starts forming into ghostly hands that grasp the ships, though the Minions are working as fast as they can on the sails. The sea starts roiling as the Necrophagians’ faces surface, followed by the “maelstroms” of screechlings.
And then Tristan gasped as he saw the first of Wulfgar's demonslavers. The white-skinned monsters had seemingly materialized out of thin air to land crouching on the decks of his ships, their swords and tridents at the ready. Screaming wildly, they began hacking into the surprised Minion warriors with suicidal fury.
Ash: …I guess nobody considered they might be invisible? Even though Wigg not only knows that can be done, but has done it himself, and knows that Wulfgar probably has access to all sorts of weird magic he learned from either Krassus (who could’ve gotten it from Nicholas) or the Scroll itself? The slavers attack everyone, including Tristan; they fight for a bit before he takes its head off. He then spots Shailha fighting another slaver and comes to her rescue by hitting it in the neck with a throwing knife, and the monster fell over. I’m sorry, I don’t know why that description is so funny to me… but it is. It’s just so… hilariously bland and blunt, isn’t it? Meanwhile, Wigg is blasting slaver after slaver with bolts of “azure” magic (I’ll note that Shailiha is the only one here who couldn’t handle her slaver on her own… interesting, don’t you agree?) and Tristan thinks they might actually win… until the screechlings descend on the fleet and start ripping their way through the Minion warriors, tearing some of them apart and dragging others over the side to be consumed by the Necrophagians. Despite all of the screaming, clanging sword blades, and mayhem, the sickening tear of Minion flesh could be heard rising from waters that were quickly turning red with the crimson stains of death. Hmmm; a horrific scene, but Newcomb’s mix of overwrought descriptions and bland descriptions takes a bit off the edge off.
Gender Wars: 96 (for Shailiha being the only one who needs to be rescued)
Gratuitous Grimdark: 69 (going ahead and giving one point for Newcomb’s fondness for gory violence)
Tahiri: Tristan, Traax and K’Jarr are slashing violently with their weapons (though it’s not entirely clear who or what they’re slashing, at this point…) when Traax is suddenly stunned by something. Tristan looks to see the ships of Wulfgar’s fleet materializing all around them, and belatedly realizes that’s where the slavers are coming from *facepalm*. Anyway, he realizes that they’re now hopelessly outnumbered as more slavers swarm aboard; he guesses Wulfgar must have been responsible for this trap, though he’s confused as to why Wigg hasn’t sensed his blood if he’s here (yes, the book specifies it’s Wulfgar’s blood Wigg could sense, because even detecting someone else’s magic comes back down to blood in these books). But Tristan has one last plan – which he doesn’t share with us – and orders the Minions to get Shailiha, Wigg and Abbey onto a litter and evacuate them while leaving another litter unoccupied. Traax heads off, and Tristan asks K’Jarr if her remembers some other unspecified “orders.” K’Jarr says he does and won’t fail, and Tristan reminds him that apparently all of Eutracia rests on him now (oooh, dramatic!).
K’Jarr flies off, and Tristan has to make his way across the deck surrounded by a horde of Minions to keep him safe, and we’re told the slavers are now so thick around them that many Minions do indeed die to protect him. Which doesn’t seem to bother Tristan at all. Finally Tristan reaches the litter and the Minions fly him off, with all the Minions still fighting on the ships disengaging and joining them in the air. Tristan isn’t sure if his plan will work, and looks over to see Shailiha, who I guess was wounded, being tended by Wigg. Tristan is left wondering if he did the right thing while his plan plays out, and the scene ends there.
Blood Matters: 231
Gender Wars: 97
Protagonist-Centered Morality: 102
Ash: We cut to K’Jarr as he fights his way through the screechlings, avoids the Necrophagians, and eventually finds a place on the deck clear enough for him to land. There he removes a package, shoves it into the gap between the bowsprit rail and the hull then flies off after the litters as the scene ends. We then cut back to Tristan, in a litter high above the fighting, as Wigg nods at him. The demonslavers have now completely killed or driven off the Minions and control the fleet; K’Jarr shows up by the litter a moment later and tells Tristan he’s done as commanded. Tristan then orders the two litters to separate, and nods at Wigg that it’s time. Apparently, the plan hinges on Wigg being able to hold both litters in place and make a warp, which he’s not sure he can do, but Tristan tells him they’re out of time. Looking at Abbey, Wigg steels himself and then summons bolts that he blasts the empty litter with. Two of the warriors were badly burned, but it couldn’t be helped. *flatly* Truly, this is a man of deep compassion. Wigg is clearly exerting a lot of effort to both keep the litter airborne and to maintain the warp he’s put around it, but Tristan finally tells him it’s time. Traax picks up Abbey and flies her over to the other litter, where she drops some of her herbal ingredients into the fire Wigg started. This causes the flames to erupt into a full-sized gazing flame, consuming most of the litter, and then offers it a fragment of the Scroll of the Vigors, while the item Traax deposited earlier was their remaining fragment of the Scroll of the Vagaries, which still has Krassus’ booby trap on it.
Once Abbey has managed to scry the other fragment, she immediately dismisses the gazing flame and the Minions fly everyone away as fast as they can. Behind them, Krassus’ trap activates as the fragment explodes in a massive burst of magical energy, destroying first the flagship and then spreading to other nearby ships. Demonslavers get blasted overboard, where the Necrophagians happily start eating them, as both fleets go up in magical fire. The blood on the ocean seemed to stretch on forever. Not that our heroes seem too upset by that. Then the blast consumes the screechlings as well, though the Necrophagians appear to flee. *shakes her head* Goddess, that was thorough. And seemed a lot more powerful than when the fragment back at the palace exploded – I don’t think it caused nearly this much damage! Finally, everyone is left staring at the wreckage of the fleets, while the shards of Krassus’ spell form up as though looking for more victims. Okay, you managed to get rid of the last explosion from this trap by throwing it through a window. This… this is pretty terrifying, and nothing like that! The bolts shoot towards our “heroes” and Tristan orders the Minions to get them out of here, now. The Minions manage to race above the cloud cover, but the bolts still follow them; finally, Wigg leans out of the litter to perform some sort of counterspell, I guess. But, in case you were worried Wigg was about to be useful for once – don’t be! Apparently, they’ve reached the maximum distance for Krassus’ spell and it fades on its own before Wigg can do anything. His record of supreme uselessness remains unbroken. In any case, Tristan and Wigg share a relieved expression and the Minions turn back for home as the chapter ends.
MG: My biggest takeaway from this chapter is that it’s very rushed. The entire naval battle, which we’ve been hyping up for several chapters now, complete with Wulfgar’s recruiting of the screechlings and Necrophagians and his use of the invisibility spell (which goes entirely without comment here, I’ll note) and the fleet has just been entirely wiped out (and the Necrophagians, after the big deal we made about Wulfgar recruiting them, ended up contributing very little). I’m torn on the method, though. Part of me thinks it’s actually rather clever to both turn Krassus’s own magic against Team Vagaries and to make use of a Chekov’s Gun that Newcomb actually set up decently well. On the other hand, the effect was a lot more powerful than we’d been led to believe from the last time it happened, going from something that can be contained in one room in the palace to something capable of wiping out two massive fleets. Maybe the idea is supposed to be that it feeds itself with each target, but if so, it’s not made particularly clear. Anyway, we have one chapter left to go today, so, onward!
Contrivances and Coincidences: 63 (one point for the spell being powerful enough to wipe out both fleets, one point for it nonetheless running out of steam right when it did)
Gratuitous Grimdark: 70
Protagonist-Centered Morality: 103
Chapter Sixty-Nine,
Tahiri: We open with Celeste as she wonders if Tristan is all right – apparently, they haven’t had a Minion messenger come from him today, so she’s worried. She’s with Faegan in the Hall of Blood records, and they’ve been studying Wulfgar’s signature for some clue (on how to defeat him, I guess? *shrugs*) but haven’t come up with anything. Celeste herself, meanwhile, is also going a little stir-crazy being cooped up in the palace (considering how long she was a slave, maybe it’s bringing bad memories back – then again, Newcomb seems to think she got over that, and it doesn’t matter anymore, so who knows *disgusted face*). Finally, Faegan assures her that Wigg, Tristan, Abbey and Shailiha are some of the most resourceful people he knows *doubles over laughing* ahem, and if anyone can stop Wulfgar, it’s them. And, for that matter, they don’t even know if Wulfgar actually launched his attack or not. Which, of course, turns out to be tempting fate, as Celeste suddenly freezes and points up at the ceiling, where a blue glow is forming – the same sort of glow Krassus made when he arrived near the beginning of the book.
And sure enough, that glow coalesces into a man – Wulfgar himself! Faegan and Celeste both shoot bolts at him, but he casually dodges and jumps down (since when does Wulfgar have this sort of training?) and catches Faegan in a warp. Celeste launches more bolts, but Wulfgar dodges again so all she hits is a bookcase, which starts burning. Wulfgar vanishes again, and then Celeste hears him laughing from out of the smoke. Because this wasn’t cliched enough, apparently. And then he blasts her with a couple of bolts of his own, which send her flying across the room and knock her out. Sounds like she’s lucky she didn’t exploded to me, but hey, I’m just a Jedi – this isn’t my world, and isn’t the Force as I know it so, who even knows. We cut to Wulfgar as he extinguishes the fire, then sits down across from Faegan and loosens the warp to let him speak. Faegan guesses who Wulfgar is and has it confirmed, then demands to know if Celeste is dead. Wulfgar isn’t sure and doesn’t really care.
"In truth, I do not know," he answered unconcernedly, as if he were discussing the weather instead of the survival of a fellow human being. "She is the daughter of Wigg, is she not? Krassus told me of her. Such a rare beauty! Were I not otherwise involved, I might be inclined to take her for myself."
Then the menacing eyes turned back and found Faegan again. "But she is not the reason I have come," Wulfgar said. "I have far greater goals to attain, and you are going to help me. I have come to accomplish what
Tahiri: …gah, I hate seeing what probably started out as the most sympathetic character in this mess reduced to talking like a second-rate Sith Lord from a third-rate holodrama. Anyway, Wulfgar demands the Scroll of the Vigors, Faegan warns him Tristan and Wigg will return and put a stop to him so he has very little time (what’re they going to do that Faegan and Celeste couldn’t?) and Wulfgar talks about how clever he'd heard Faegan was, and clearly that was right. I can only assume he’s saying that with heavy sarcasm.
Blood Matters: 232
Dastardly Deeds: 140
Ash: Anyway, Wulfgar says that everyone with the Minion fleet is now dead (you know, maybe if we literally hadn’t just seen that it’s Wulfgar’s fleet that just got wiped out, that would actually be meaningful and not something that makes Wulfgar look like an overconfident idiot) and if they do escape he’s left more guards behind to take care of them, and now he wants to have a chat with Faegan. He repeats his question, telling Faegan that he’ll cause himself a great deal of pain if he refuses to answer; Faegan, straining to break free of the warp, tells him that the Minions here in the palace will stop him. Wulfgar isn’t worried – he used his invisibility spell to bring a large force of demonslavers with him who outnumber the Minions and are dealing with them now – and he knows the Minions won’t retreat unless ordered to (how?) so they’ll all be killed. And then he makes a crack about how the Minions are basically committing suicide by fighting, and goddess, this really is a different person entirely in Wulfgar’s skin, isn’t it? Wulfgar then explains how he turned invisible, snuck, into the palace, cloaked his blood signature, and then followed Faegan down to the Chamber of Blood Records. Faegan demands to know why Wulfgar wants the Scroll so badly, since he doesn’t actually need it to destroy the Orb of the Vigors – ah, to deny it to his enemies, maybe? Wulfgar says that both scrolls are of value to him, especially since the Scroll of the Vigors explains what’s going on with Tristan’s blue blood; if he can figure out how to keep Tristan’s blood from changing back to red, nobody will ever be able to be powerful enough to challenge him. Okay, one, that’s forgetting Shailiha, and two, wouldn’t killing him be easier?
Faegan wants to know how Wulfgar can willingly commit such atrocities, even with a left-leaning blood signature – gah, for one, that’s literally reducing a person’s moral stature to something beyond their control that they can’t help, and do I need to repeat my rant from earlier in this book about how grotesque that is? And for another – we know Wulfgar was brainwashed! He’s not doing this, or anything, of his own free will, because Krassus completely overwrote him with this new personality! And so Wulfgar explains that he’s the Enseterat and his half-siblings are Jin’Sai and Jin’Saiou, and that means he represents the Heretics while they represent… the Twos? I think that’s supposed to be the Ones? Wrong number, Newcomb! Anyway, they’re enemies because of destiny and I just can’t get over how boring, cliched and contrived this all is. Wulfgar asks again for the scroll, but Faegan rallies his mental defenses to keep him out. The fate of the world would soon boil down to a contest of endowed wills. And blood. Oh, shut the Nine Hells up, Newcomb! We get it, you love blood so much even vampires would think you’re slightly obsessed, but enough is enough! And so Wulfgar decides on another approach, and magically pushes back Faegan’s robes to reveal the stumps of his legs. *weakly* Oh, I don’t think I’m going to like where this is going…
Blood Matters: 236
Dastardly Deeds: 141
Gender Wars: 98
Tahiri: Well, we get a length description of how horribly damaged Faegan’s legs are, which I think is basically the same as from the first book so I’ll spare you, as Wulfgar comments that the Coven clearly did a good job on him. And indeed, this causes Faegan to have a flashback to when the Coven tortured him – oh, he gets to have lingering trauma, but Celeste has to get over hers so she can be a proper girlfriend for Tristan, is that about right? Barf. Faegan tries to goad Wulfgar into reading his mind, which he’s prepared himself for, but Wulfgar has other ideas.
"I could," Wulfgar answered. "But when Krassus told me of the nature of your infirmity, I realized that this approach would prove infinitely more entertaining. And with your friends all dead, and my demon-slavers in control of the palace, we have all the time in the world to amuse each other. Besides, should this prove unsuccessful, I can always walk through your thoughts later." The wicked smile came again.
Tahiri: Guys, it’s really subtle, but I think Newcomb wants to remind us that Wulfgar is totally eeevil. Now. Seriously, I repeat myself, but this is nothing like the man we met at the beginning of the book – and there’s a reason for that! Wulfgar then spots Faegan’s violin where he left it earlier and starts playing it telekinetically, while saying it would be nice to have some music while he works. Personally speaking, I don’t like screaming. It’s so… common. *bemused* Okay, now I’m starting to think Krassus actually had a collection of those old holodramas I mentioned, and his brainwashing of Wulfgar involved forcing him to watch them all on loop until his mind fell apart and he thought he actually was a cliched Sith Lord. Makes as much sense as anything. Well, still playing, Wulfgar leans forward and says they’re about to begin, as the chapter ends.
MG: And honestly… yeah, this whole last chapter clearly exists just to reinforce the idea that Wulfgar is now eeevil all the way through, and to get him in position for the final battle. And at that… well, again, it feels very anticlimactic, and very contrived. But really, would it be a Newcomb book without a bizarrely anticlimactic climax? Anyway, that’s all for today. Next time, in the penultimate sporking post of the Chronicles of Blood and Stone (again, discounting final thoughts) it’s Tristan versus Wulfgar! We’ll see you then! Our counts stand at:
Blood Matters: 238
Contrivances and Coincidences: 63
Dastardly Deeds: 143
Exposition Intrusion: 294
Gender Wars: 98
Gratuitous Grimdark: 70
Plot-Induced Stupidity: 110
Protagonist-Centered Morality: 103
Retcons and Revelations: 29
