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masterghandalfThis is a repost from Das_Sporking2. Previous installments of this spork may be found here.
Warning: This post contains violence, deaths and torture, and discussion of slavery and mind-control.
MG: Well, everyone, it’s time to continue our journey through Robert Newcomb’s The Scrolls of the Ancients! And folks, this is going to be the penultimate post of actual sporking not only for this book, but for my sporks of the Blood and Stone series as a whole. We’re almost there – huzzah! Last time, the Acolytes received a much-belated welcome to the Redoubt, Tristan engaged Wulfgar’s fleet and destroyed it with an actually fairly clever trick, while Wulfgar himself slipped into the Redoubt and is preparing to start torturing Faegan (and we’re all so worried about that…). Today, it’s brother against brother as the actual climax arrives. Will Newcomb continue hitting three for three when it comes to antliclimaxes in this trilogy? Let’s find out, shall we? Joining us today will be Tahiri and Irinali!
Chapter Seventy
Tahiri: Woo-hoo! Can’t believe we’re almost done… and I also can’t believe the previous two books in this series were apparently even worse, how did you people even make it through them, anyway? I can’t believe I actually miss Rebel Moon while doing these (we’re getting back to that someday, right? Right?). Well, we open with Tristan flying along in a Minion litter, worrying about how they never saw either Wulfgar or Krassus with the fleet, nor the atmospheric disturbances that would have marked their deaths (admittedly, there was a pretty big magical explosion going on – you might have missed it! Honest mistake!). So, while they might be dead, neither Tristan nor Wigg believes it (Krassus is dead, at least… because his master put a timer on him, for reasons that still escape me). Shailiha and Abbey give reassuring smiles, but Tristan still thinks this isn’t over. Suddenly Traax flies up and clambers into the litter, reporting that they’ve spotted another part of the slaver fleet anchored near the delta – fourteen large ships, and some smaller ones. However, roughly a dozen ships bearing Tyranny’s – or the woman privateer as Traax calls her, rude! She has a name! – are fighting them. Tristan immediately demands the Minions take him to the battle; Traax flies off to convey the order, Tristan and Wigg share a look, and the scene ends.
We cut to Tyranny and Scars, watching each other’s backs as they fight demonslavers. Scars kills one and pitches the body overboard, only for it to be immediately consumed by sea slitherers – and Scars somehow knows both the name and that they belong to Wulfgar, despite the narration being plain he’s never seen them before – which then swarm on deck themselves. He kills another slaver, and the slitherers (seriously, Newcomb, “serpents” is a perfectly good word and it’s right there!) tear into the corpse as the scene ends. We cut to Tristan, clutching his weapons as the Minions race towards the battle, relieved that some of the faster warriors flew on ahead and probably made it already. Finally, the litter arrives; he spots Tyranny’s new ship and has the Minions bring them down. The deck is covered with corpses from both sides – lovely – and Tristan isn’t sure who won or lost until he hears Tyranny call his name and cheerfully tell him he’s late. And sure enough, he turns around to see her standing with a bottle of wine in one hand and a cigar in the other. So, I guess she’s already celebrating even when up to her waist in corpses of both her own people and the demonslavers? You know, warrior caste Yuuzhan Vong will go to tremendous lengths to recover their dead for proper embalming, and woe betide anyone who they think has desecrated one of the corpses in the meantime – guess Eutracians don’t even reach that standard, huh? Also, her sword is sheathed but the hilt is still bloody, and I guess the blade probably is too even though we can’t see it. Clean your kriffing weapon, Tyranny! Unless you want it covered in rust.
Irinali: Tristan then looks around and finally spots Scars and some of the surviving crew pitching demonslaver corpses overboard – how did he miss them earlier? – and a line of demonslavers who surrendered who are bound and apparently waiting summary execution. My, my. Where I come from, that sort of thing is generally classed as a war crime. But clearly our noble heroes care not for such niceties! Wigg, Abbey, Shailiha and Traax all land, while the Minions help the privateers finish off the remaining slavers on the other ships. So, this battle really was won that easily, I take it? How underwhelming. Tyranny describes how they were sailing past the delta when the slaver ships seemed to suddenly appear from nowhere, surrounding them. They were left with no choice but to fight, and Tyranny admits if the Minion vanguard hadn’t arrived when they did, she doubts she’d still be here. Oh, so there was an exciting part of the battle, and we just skipped it entirely! I’d say I was disappointed, but it’s about what I’d expect from Newcomb, really. Suddenly, Wigg calls out for the others to come see something; he leads them over to the side, where the sea slitherers are busy feasting on slaver corpses. Shailiha wonders what they are; Wigg admits that in his three-hundred-plus-years – please, my ultimate superior is more than three thousand years old, you’re not special – he’s never seen anything like them, though he’s sure they were created by the Vagaries, like the Screechlings, and were sent by Wulfgar to protect the fleet. And, it seems to me their sole contribution to the battle was eating the corpses of Wulfgar’s own side. Well done!
Tristan tells Traax to have some of his warriors deal with the slitherers, and suddenly Scars comes over and tells Tyranny they found something unexpected on the lead slaver ship – more slaves. *rolls her eyes* Ah, yes, slaves on a slave ship, how very shocking. Tyranny looks over as the chained, filthy and malnourished slaves are led up onto the deck – some of them are literally dying, and nobody makes a move to help them – and she looks them over until her gaze falls on one man in particular. She drops her wine in shock and races over to him – it’s our old friend Twenty-Nine, but Tyranny calls him by his real name, Jacob. She runs over to him and wraps him in a big hug; after a long embrace, they separate and he asks after their parents, and she confirms they’re dead. And then she turns back to Tristan and confirms what we’ve all guessed by now – that this is her brother, whose abduction by the slavers set her on the course of becoming a privateer in the first place.
MG: And honestly, on the one hand, it’s a fairly sweet reunion, actually. On the other, though, the execution is very mixed, as you might guess. Most obviously, like the mystery of the true nature of the demonslavers, the mystery of Twenty-Nine’s true identity has been dragged out so long now that it feels pretty hard to actually care about it anymore, especially when it was only brought up intermittently and never really given much focus. And of course, Jacob just happened to be a prisoner on one of the ships Tyranny captured and not on, say, one of the much larger group that Tristan blew up last time around. Still, Tyranny and Jacob are among Newcomb’s better characters, as low a bar to clear as that is, and I’m glad they got their happy ending. A small bright spot in all this mess.
Contrivances and Coincidences: 64
Protagonist-Centered Morality: 105
Tahiri: The happy reunion is interrupted as a Minion warrior comes flying from the direction of Tammerland. He’s seriously injured and ends up crashing hard on the deck; Wigg tries to heal him but can’t do much more than bring him back to consciousness, and Tristan bends down to take his report. The dying warrior reports how the demonslavers attacked the palace, too many to fight, and Celeste and Faegan were captured, before he finally dies. *reflexively, as if speaking a blessing* All glory to you, warrior… *back in her normal voice* Tristan lowers the Minion’s body to the deck, then races over to the nearest litter. When Tyranny tries to get in too, he reminds her that her brother is here, but she tells him that if it wasn’t for him, she wouldn’t have these ships and wouldn’t have been able to free Jacob, so she owes him (he also got a lot of your original crew killed – remember that part?). She says Scars can take care of Jacob for now, but Tristan needs all the help he can get (…she’s not wrong). So, she climbs into the litter; Tristan asks if she saw any humans fighting with the demonslaver fleet, and she didn’t, which means Tristan can guess where Wulfgar is now. The others – which I guess means Wigg, Abbey, and Shailiha – climb into litters too, and the Minions fly off towards Tammerland, while all Tristan can think about is Celeste (which might be heartwarming, if he hadn’t just needed to be reminded about her…) as the chapter ends.
MG: Honestly, this one just feels very perfunctory, like Newcomb knew he had loose ends to tie up and wanted to get it over with. We’ve already gone over the reveal of Twenty-Nine/Jacob as Tyranny’s brother, but the final battle with the slavers was so irrelevant Newcomb didn’t even bother to write it, and then the nameless dying Minion arrived at just the right time to send us flying off, literally, to the next actually important plot point. Just really obviously phoned in even by Newcomb standards, and clearly just there to tie off some remaining plot points and move us on to the climax. It really makes me wonder why we didn’t have only one fleet battle in the first place; it’d probably have been a better scene. Anyway – onward!
Contrivances and Coincidences: 65
Protagonist-Centered Morality: 106
Chapter Seventy-One
Irinali: We open with Wulfgar as he changes the song he’s having Faegan’s violin play to something more haunting, and then starts wheedling Faegan, specifically talking like a father to a misbehaving child (which is kind of odd when speaking to a man three-hundred years his senior, you have to admit). He tells Faegan he’s being too difficult, and if he just tells him where the Scroll is, he’ll kill him painlessly – and Celeste too, if she’s still alive. No more pain, no more misplaced loyalty to Wigg and his “friends” – just a perfect, forgiving and peaceful sleep that will last forever. Beg pardon, but you people do believe in an afterlife, so I somehow doubt that will be the case. We learn that Wulfgar has been torturing Faegan for two hours now – oh, for the Keeper’s sake – and Faegan is now shaking from pain and barely conscious, but still hasn’t given in. Wulfgar turns away from him to glance at where Celeste is still lying unconscious, and he still hasn’t bothered to check whether she’s alive or dead (by this point, if she’s been out that long and hasn’t been treated… she’s probably dead or well on her way, or would be in a sane world). But we’re told Wulfgar doesn’t care whether she lives or dies, just so we have our reminder that he is evil now. We learn that he’s levitating an azure, serrated knife next to Faegan, gloating about how sometimes less is more. Faegan manages to repeat that he’ll never give in.
And so, we get a positively lovely description of Wulfgar raking the knife along the stump of one of Faegan’s legs, reducing the wizard to agonized babbling. Hmm; Newcomb, this is the sort of thing most people would find horrific, but it you want us to care, perhaps have it happen to someone other than the man who abandoned his daughter to being captured and brainwashed by an evil cult, hmmm? Wulfgar finally admits he may have to invade Faegan’s mind after all, but first asks one more time – where is the Scroll? Faegan forces himself to open his eyes and sit up, staring at Wulfgar and not daring to give in, lest the bastard brother of the Chosen Ones come to possess a secret even greater than the Scroll of the Vigors, something he, Wigg and Abbey discovered and vowed to keep secret at all costs. Finally, he decides to let Wulfgar torture him some more and then pretend to give in, sacrificing the Scroll to protect this “deeper” secret. He dares Wulfgar to do his worst, and spits in his face.
Dastardly Deeds: 145
Tahiri: …well, the old sleemo’s got nerve, whatever else you can say about him. Pity Wulfgar’s been reduced to… this… though. Wulfgar goes back to raking Faegan’s wounded legs with his knife, and after a few agonizing passes Faegan lets himself give in. He tells Wulfgar that the Scroll is hidden inside a bookcase and gives him the pattern he’ll need to touch to open it. Wulfgar does, and the wall glows – azure, of course – before opening, revealing a compartment with the Scroll inside. He takes it reverently, and suddenly we’re back in his point of view as he thinks that he doesn’t actually need this Scroll for his plans, but if he takes it, he can keep Tristan and Shailiha forever untrained. And, considering how Wigg and Faegan have made basically no moves to train them before this… I think he could have left the Scroll right where it was and it would have made zero difference. Wulfgar turns back to Faegan, telling him that when the Orb of the Vigors is destroyed the time enchantments will fade and Wigg and Faegan will die, so this is their final farewell. Before he goes, he has one final question. How does Faegan feel being a traitor? I mean, he’s been hiding out in Shadowood with his gnomes after throwing his daughter under the proverbial speeder and abandoning the rest of the Directorate, so – I’d say he’s good with it! But Wulfgar doesn’t bother waiting for an answer as he turns invisible and vanishes with the Scroll, leaving a weeping Faegan alone with Celeste as the chapter ends.
MG: And this one really just felt like Newcomb wanted to write a torture scene, albeit a rather unimaginative one. Well, that and to foreshadow the secret that Faegan did manage to keep from him, which is going to be rather underwhelming despite the buildup (yes, it’s going to be important to the actual climax momentarily; no, it’s not really “greater” than the Scroll itself). Thank goodness this chapter was short, at least. Anyway, we have one more to go for today, so… onward!
Dastardly Deeds: 148
Gratuitous Grimdark: 72
Chapter Seventy-Two
Irinali: And so we open with everyone returning to Tammerland by litter, being quiet the whole way as they’re worried about Faegan and Celeste (I honestly can’t say I personally give half a damn about Faegan, and I only care about Celeste because of how shabbily her own author has treated her across the two books in which she’s appeared). Wigg suddenly tells Tristan to order the Minions to land. Tristan doesn’t want to, considering that Faegan and Celeste could need their help right now, but Wigg insists there is something he has to tell them before they get to the palace (oh, goody, more secrets…). But at that exact moment they come over a ridge and come in view of the palace, where Tristan sees Minions fighting against a larger force of demonslavers, and though the Minions are doing some damage, it’s clear the slavers’ superior numbers are wearing them down. Oh, and apparently the slavers are so thick about the Minions that the Minions don’t have space to spread their wings and take to the air. Well… at least Newcomb thought of that and tried to address it? As much as it beggars the imagination that the slavers enveloped the Minions so quickly none of them was able to take off…
Tristan, for once, calls Wigg out for his stupidity, telling him that if they don’t intervene, the Minions will die. Wigg insists that what he’s about to say to Tristan needs to be said, and it’s more important to save magic itself over some of the Minions sworn to defend you. Now, I might make that same call… but Wigg is not me and is, ostensibly, a wise and noble wizard and our hero’s beloved mentor. So forgive me if I can’t think much of his advice. And so, they land, and Wigg takes out a piece of parchment covered in Old Eutracian writing and gives it to Abbey, kisses her briefly, and then he and Tristan take back off in their litter, leaving Abbey behind. And the scene ends there. That… was quite anticlimactic.
Plot-Induced Stupidity: 111
Protagonist-Centered Morality: 107
Tahiri: We then cut back to the litter as it approaches the palace, where Wigg has apparently already explained to Tristan, Tyranny and Shailiha why they can’t take part in the battle, as much as they want to. And of course, Newcomb doesn’t tell us what Wigg said. *rolls her eyes* How is it that even as these books keep finding new ways to be infuriating, they still manage to be predictable too? Tristan’s newly arriving Minions tear into the slavers from above, and apparently Tristan has given them orders to leave none of the slavers alive. Well… on the one hand, don’t forget that the slavers were innocent people who got warped into monsters against their will. On the other hand… is there really a way back for them? And if not, would killing them actually count as freeing them? And, more to the point, does Tristan know about any of this? Anyway, as the Minions and slavers are fighting, Wigg dismounts on the roof and looks up to the sky; he doesn’t see the orbs, so he knows Wulfgar hasn’t started his spellcasting yet and hopes they can intercept him before he can begin.
Wigg is worried that if Wulfgar can hide his blood from Wigg’s senses and turn invisible, it’ll be almost impossible to find him. Yeah, that would be a problem, but considering how little of the book is left, I don’t doubt Newcomb is going to resolve it in some really dumb way. And indeed, Wigg decides that if they can’t find Wulfgar, there’s a way to make Wulfgar come to them. Only one person can conjure the orbs at a time, and Wulfgar will need them to perform his Forestallment, so… Wigg conjures the orbs himself. *facepalm* No matter how clever you think your plan is, is potentially handing the bad guy the weapons he needs on a platter really worth it? And, uh, was going into hiding somewhere and conjuring the orbs there, so Wulfgar couldn’t call them and he’d have a really hard time finding them, really that difficult? But no matter; Wigg’s spell is successful and the orbs start manifesting:
As the four of them watched, a gigantic glow coalesced in the inky night sky. The glow began to spin, quickly becoming the Orb of the Vigors, the massive, golden globe of energy that sustained the altruistic side of the craft. The pale white beams that radiated from its center lit up the night sky for what seemed to be leagues in every direction. Tristan suddenly realized he had never witnessed the orbs at night. It was an awesome sight.
Then the darker, menacing Orb of the Vagaries took shape, its blackness scratched through by bright lightning.
Blood Matters: 239
Plot-Induced Stupidity: 112
Irinali: Well, Tristan looks down to the courtyard to see the battle nearly over as his Minions finish off the slavers; that was easy. Traax and Ox land beside him, Ox looking exhausted and wounded, and give him a nod. Wigg, meanwhile, has lowered his arms and everything falls still as though waiting for something to happen. And that’s when the orbs suddenly start moving closer to one another, bolts of energy leaping between them and a bridge of light – azure, of course – forming to connect them. At first Tristan thinks Wigg is doing it and then realizes the truth – it’s Wulfgar! So… can Wulfgar then bridge the orbs without dropping either his invisibility or the spell that cloaks him from magical detection? In which case Wigg really did hand him the tools he needs to achieve his victory – well done! And indeed, as Tristan watches the connection between the orbs grows stronger and brighter, he finally gets it through his thick head what this is – the isthmus needed to merge the orbs and destroy the Orb of the Vigors, and that Wulfgar is the one who conjured it! Even though he just realized several paragraphs ago that Wulfgar must be the one doing this! *facepalms* If this is the Vigors’ last hope, this world is doomed. At it deserves to be.
And that’s when Wulfgar, despite the fact that he could literally stay invisible and complete his mission without ever revealing his exact location to anyone, breaks out with a melodramatic evil laugh – really now, as satisfying as that can be, there is a time and place – and demands to know if Tristan really thinks he can defeat him so easily. Tristan and Shailiha both turn towards the source of the sound, and there see an amorphous blue light that gradually forms into the shape of a man, Wulfgar himself. We get a brief description of his emerald silk trousers and a matching jacket that lay partially open, exposing his muscular chest… and how he holds the Scroll of the Vigors in his arms. I still think he had no reason to reveal himself at all, but Tristan panics, wondering what’s become of Faegan and Celeste. Wigg, for once, is on top of things and shoots two bolts at Wulfgar, who simply catches them and mashes them together into one ball of energy; he then steps forward and throws it back at Wigg, where it strikes him in the chest and throws him across the roof, leaving him to fall in a smoking heap. *applauds, sincerely this time* Good for you, Wulfgar! That was long overdue, I swear… Tristan, Shailiha and Tyranny run to Wigg’s side and can’t tell if he’s breathing; Tristan looks up at Wulfgar and demands to know if Wigg is dead, and when he gets no response repeats the question, calling Wulfgar a bastard for good measure, which does get a momentary flash of anger from him, what with it being literally true and all. But Wulfgar composes himself, admitting he doesn’t know if Wigg is dead or not, and he’s not sure if Celeste or Faegan are either, and actually apologizes for being rather new at all this. *beat* Well, Wulfgar, you can always leave this terrible book behind and come work for my organization! The Order of the Emerald Claw offers very good rates and benefits, and I assure you our leadership are significantly more competent than anyone Newcomb’s ever written.
Dastardly Deeds: 149 (for Wulfgar’s pointless evil gloating)
Plot-Induced Stupidity: 115
Tahiri: Tristan, who is beyond anger steps forward, and Wulfgar assures him he could kill him with a thought. Tristan asks why he doesn’t, and Wulfgar admits he might, but he has to finish his mission first – the mission Nicholas trusted to Krassus, and Krassus in turn trusted to him. Wulfgar then wonders how Tristan feels, having killed not only his father but also led to the death of his son; Tristan says he thought it was sad, but necessary, and that’s how he’ll feel when he kills Wulfgar, too. *rolls her eyes* Oh, yeah. I can just tell how real sad you are about all this! Wulfgar admits that Krassus told him Tristan was stubborn; he looks out over the battle and muses that he doesn’t really care about the dead slavers here, and assumes Tristan must have defeated his fleet, too. But he doesn’t care, because they were nothing but a means to an end. Get it, he’s totally eeevil now! He then tells Tristan to order the Minions to stand down, or our lovely sister – your famous twin – will die. We’re not given any indication of how Wulfgar means to do this – or why Shailiha is easier to kill than Tristan himself, other than that she’s the girl – but Tristan immediately complies. *rolls her eyes* You’re doing great, you know that?
Anyway, Tristan is very carefully struggling not to look at the hill behind the palace where they left Abbey and remembering what Wigg told him (but not us). Wulfgar then catches everyone in a warp, and Shailiha asks if he really means to destroy the Vigors (uh, yeah, he does. That’s what this whole thing has been about, apparently). Wulfgar says he does, but he’s also here for something else – the Scroll of the Vigors itself, which holds many secrets about the twins’ destiny that Wigg hasn’t told them or doesn’t know himself, including how Tristan can rid himself of his blue blood. He goes off on a rambling monologue about how Tristan can’t be trained, can’t fulfil his destiny and can’t even have children while his blood is still “azure,” most of which I think we knew already. Your famous, all-powerful blood that was to have empowered you above all others is now the very thing you must despise! Well… at least the special blood being a problem is a new twist on things? Even if everything is still about blood, just in a different way from normal… Wulfgar then adds that they still have to despise him, of course, and Shailiha demands to know how someone who shares their blood can be so evil. Well, one, your bloodline doesn’t determine your morality – and trust me, I was… close… to Darth Vader’s grandson, so I have some idea of what I’m talking about. And for another, he was brainwashed, he’s not doing this of his own will, is Newcomb ever going to acknowledge that!? But Wulfgar just says he has no concept of “evil” and that the Vagaries are just a different point of view. One, I like that better when Master Skywalker says it. Two, maybe that would mean something if I had some idea of what the Vagaries stood for and how they’re different from the Vigors in the first place. And three, Wulfgar was still brainwashed, nothing here changes that fact! And so Wulfgar raises his hands and the orbs start glowing brighter, and Tristan starts thinking harder about what’s going on at that hill and the scene ends.
Blood Matters: 242
Dastardly Deeds: 150
Gender Wars: 99
Plot-Induced Stupidity: 117
Protagonist-Centered Morality: 110
Irinali: And so we cut back to Abbey on the hill as she watches the orbs, then takes out the parchment Wigg gave her and starts to conjure a gazing flame, which of course Newcomb walks us through the whole process of even though we’ve seen it several times by now. She then opens her locket, revealing that beside the lock of Wigg’s hair, she also has another in there now – Wulfgar’s lock of hair, the one Wigg had earlier in the book, that was cut from him as an infant. She then uses the lock to focus the flame’s vision on Wulfgar, knowing that she’s risking that this might call forth the Furies, since he’s the Chosen Ones’ half-brother. And of course, Newcomb takes time to remind us what the Furies are, in case we forgot in the last few pages. *rolls her eyes* But apparently she’s doing something different this time… and the scene cuts off before we find out what.
Exposition Intrusion: 296
Irinali: We cut back to Wulfgar smiling as the orbs continue to merge, thinking that though the Forestallment required to give him the power to do this was complicated, the actual execution is surprisingly easy, and then we get a rundown of Krassus’ instructions to him, long after it ceased to matter since we had it explained how this works already:
First, call upon your blood and conjure forth the Isthmus. When the Isthmus has appeared and the orbs seem stable, then use your mind to open the gate at the end connected to the Orb of the Vagaries, and allow its dark energy to trickle through. As it begins to reach the Orb of the Vigors, open the other end of the Isthmus and force the dark energy inside the Orb of the Vigors without allowing it to return to its source. The Orb of the Vigors shall therefore become polluted, while the Orb of the Vagaries shall remain pristine. When enough dark energy has finally been transfused, however, the cataclysm will wish to commence, and you must be exceedingly careful lest you risk the destruction of the world, for chaos is the natural order of the universe. But if done correctly, before the great cataclysm occurs the controlled nature of your work will cause the Orb of the Vigors to explode in a great ball of fire and light, and your mission will be complete. The Vigors will be no more, Wulfgar, and you may return to the Citadel and rule in splendor forever.
Irinali: See, if we had that earlier, like when Krassus actually explained things to Wulfgar (and we skipped over all of it) it might have been a revelation. As it is, it’s just, what’s the word? Padding. And so Wulfgar follows the instructions and lets the energy begin to flow… and suddenly and without warning we’re in Tristan’s head as he thinks that soon the Orb of the Vigors will explode and everything he cares about will end. We then cut back to Abbey as her gazing flame starts to swell with the Furies, and she then starts reading out the formula on the parchment Wigg gave her, which is apparently from the Scroll of the Vigors, which would countermand the actions of the furies and send the energy back to the subject a thousandfold. Which might have been nice to have established that Wigg and Faegan had such a thing before this, wouldn’t it? And now that’s two problems, counting the fleet, that have been solved by the Furies. Once was clever; twice is just repetitive.
Exposition Intrusion: 300
Tahiri: *shrugs* Hey, you work with what you’ve got, even when what you’ve got is a magical booby trap, I guess. Anyway, the gazing flame bursts and a massive blast of energy shoots out of it, but this time it arcs away from Abbey and towards the palace, where Wulfgar is conjuring. Wulfgar sense it just in time to turn to face the Furies as they strike him; he tries to turn them aside by shooting them with “azure” bolts, to no avail. The furies engulf him with a whirling maelstrom and he knows he’ll die if he can’t escape. For a few precious moments, he turned his hateful gaze on Tristan and Shailiha. They heard him scream insanely. Then the scream died away. The maelstrom closed in hard – and exploded. The blast sends Tristan, Shailiha and Tyranny flying, blows off parts of the palace roof, and even uproots some trees – kriff, that was powerful! Our heroes were lucky they didn’t get liquified by being so close! Oh, and do note we had to establish Wulfgar as “hateful” and “insane” one last time – classy, Newcomb! Wulfgar’s isthmus vanishes, and so do the orbs, apparently unharmed. Tristan tries to haul himself to his feet and crawl over to the Scroll of the Vigors, which holds the answers he needs, but it’s already burning. He collapses to the roof as Ox and Traax land nearby and rush over towards him and the burning Scroll, and the chapter ends there as he blacks out.
MG: Well, what is there to say about all of this, other than that Newcomb’s track record for anticlimaxes indeed remains a solid three for three? The best part is, at least, that our heroes – or at least, Wigg and Abbey – actively did have to take steps to set up Wulfgar’s defeat and we had some foreshadowing before it happened, rather than in the previous book where Nicholas just randomly fell over dead in his moment of triumph and we only found out why belatedly. On the other hand, using the “furies” trick again isn’t something I particularly care for – as Irinali said, once was clever, twice is just repetitive. It should have been saved for here, the more dramatic moment, and we could’ve just had Tyranny and the Minions defeat the slaver fleet in a more conventional naval battle. Speaking of that, it’s abundantly clear that Newcomb had entirely lost interest in mopping up the last of the demonslavers; those battles are so perfunctory it’s almost embarrassing.
Beyond that, the actual confrontation with Wulfgar just feels like a letdown even by Newcomb standards. We’re left with absolutely no acknowledgment that Wulfgar is operating under mind-control or that he was a good person before Krassus got his claws in him; even his relationship with Serena goes entirely unmentioned in his moment of (supposed) triumph. He’s just been reduced to a sneering Snidely Whiplash stereotype who does evil things because he’s evil and that’s what evil guys do. And Tristan – and Shailiha, Tyranny and Wigg – are hilariously useless in this fight, contributing exactly nothing to Wulfgar’s defeat beyond the fact that they serve somewhat as a distraction to keep him from noticing Abbey’s conjuring before it’s too late (though he was so focused on the orbs that this might not have even been necessary), though seeing him blast Wigg across the roof was remarkably satisfying. So the long-awaited confrontation between brothers was a big nothing; Wulfgar might as well have not even been related to the twins at all, for all it ended up mattering. On that note… after the last couple of chapters went to so much effort to introduce Adrian and the Acolytes (at the last minute, admittedly) and integrate them into the Redoubt… they added exactly nothing to the final battle, in any way shape and form. In fact, they weren’t even mentioned in these chapters at all. They might as well have never shown up in the first place! It kind of makes me wonder if they were even in the story originally, or if they were something Newcomb threw in as part of a later draft. On the other hand, as anticlimactic as it was, this sequence is going to have repercussions down the line. For one, despite the rapid turnover in the villain cast this trilogy has, Wulfgar is not actually dead and will be continuing on as a major antagonist into the next trilogy. And while his ritual was interrupted before it could succeed, he did manage to damage the Orb of the Vigors, which is going to have complications going forward.
Anyway, that’s all for today – and we have only one more actual sporking post to go after this, plus the final thoughts (in which we may end up looking at that Newcomb interview I’ve mentioned a few times before as well). Next time, both the book and the trilogy draw to a close. We’ll see you then! Our counts stand at:
Blood Matters: 242
Contrivances and Coincidences: 66 (I’m going to give another point here for Wulfgar actively revealing himself for no reason at all so we can have a final battle)
Dastardly Deeds: 150
Exposition Intrusion: 300
Gender Wars: 99
Gratuitous Grimdark: 72
Plot-Induced Stupidity: 117
Protagonist-Centered Morality: 110
Retcons and Revelations: 29
Warning: This post contains violence, deaths and torture, and discussion of slavery and mind-control.
MG: Well, everyone, it’s time to continue our journey through Robert Newcomb’s The Scrolls of the Ancients! And folks, this is going to be the penultimate post of actual sporking not only for this book, but for my sporks of the Blood and Stone series as a whole. We’re almost there – huzzah! Last time, the Acolytes received a much-belated welcome to the Redoubt, Tristan engaged Wulfgar’s fleet and destroyed it with an actually fairly clever trick, while Wulfgar himself slipped into the Redoubt and is preparing to start torturing Faegan (and we’re all so worried about that…). Today, it’s brother against brother as the actual climax arrives. Will Newcomb continue hitting three for three when it comes to antliclimaxes in this trilogy? Let’s find out, shall we? Joining us today will be Tahiri and Irinali!
Chapter Seventy
Tahiri: Woo-hoo! Can’t believe we’re almost done… and I also can’t believe the previous two books in this series were apparently even worse, how did you people even make it through them, anyway? I can’t believe I actually miss Rebel Moon while doing these (we’re getting back to that someday, right? Right?). Well, we open with Tristan flying along in a Minion litter, worrying about how they never saw either Wulfgar or Krassus with the fleet, nor the atmospheric disturbances that would have marked their deaths (admittedly, there was a pretty big magical explosion going on – you might have missed it! Honest mistake!). So, while they might be dead, neither Tristan nor Wigg believes it (Krassus is dead, at least… because his master put a timer on him, for reasons that still escape me). Shailiha and Abbey give reassuring smiles, but Tristan still thinks this isn’t over. Suddenly Traax flies up and clambers into the litter, reporting that they’ve spotted another part of the slaver fleet anchored near the delta – fourteen large ships, and some smaller ones. However, roughly a dozen ships bearing Tyranny’s – or the woman privateer as Traax calls her, rude! She has a name! – are fighting them. Tristan immediately demands the Minions take him to the battle; Traax flies off to convey the order, Tristan and Wigg share a look, and the scene ends.
We cut to Tyranny and Scars, watching each other’s backs as they fight demonslavers. Scars kills one and pitches the body overboard, only for it to be immediately consumed by sea slitherers – and Scars somehow knows both the name and that they belong to Wulfgar, despite the narration being plain he’s never seen them before – which then swarm on deck themselves. He kills another slaver, and the slitherers (seriously, Newcomb, “serpents” is a perfectly good word and it’s right there!) tear into the corpse as the scene ends. We cut to Tristan, clutching his weapons as the Minions race towards the battle, relieved that some of the faster warriors flew on ahead and probably made it already. Finally, the litter arrives; he spots Tyranny’s new ship and has the Minions bring them down. The deck is covered with corpses from both sides – lovely – and Tristan isn’t sure who won or lost until he hears Tyranny call his name and cheerfully tell him he’s late. And sure enough, he turns around to see her standing with a bottle of wine in one hand and a cigar in the other. So, I guess she’s already celebrating even when up to her waist in corpses of both her own people and the demonslavers? You know, warrior caste Yuuzhan Vong will go to tremendous lengths to recover their dead for proper embalming, and woe betide anyone who they think has desecrated one of the corpses in the meantime – guess Eutracians don’t even reach that standard, huh? Also, her sword is sheathed but the hilt is still bloody, and I guess the blade probably is too even though we can’t see it. Clean your kriffing weapon, Tyranny! Unless you want it covered in rust.
Irinali: Tristan then looks around and finally spots Scars and some of the surviving crew pitching demonslaver corpses overboard – how did he miss them earlier? – and a line of demonslavers who surrendered who are bound and apparently waiting summary execution. My, my. Where I come from, that sort of thing is generally classed as a war crime. But clearly our noble heroes care not for such niceties! Wigg, Abbey, Shailiha and Traax all land, while the Minions help the privateers finish off the remaining slavers on the other ships. So, this battle really was won that easily, I take it? How underwhelming. Tyranny describes how they were sailing past the delta when the slaver ships seemed to suddenly appear from nowhere, surrounding them. They were left with no choice but to fight, and Tyranny admits if the Minion vanguard hadn’t arrived when they did, she doubts she’d still be here. Oh, so there was an exciting part of the battle, and we just skipped it entirely! I’d say I was disappointed, but it’s about what I’d expect from Newcomb, really. Suddenly, Wigg calls out for the others to come see something; he leads them over to the side, where the sea slitherers are busy feasting on slaver corpses. Shailiha wonders what they are; Wigg admits that in his three-hundred-plus-years – please, my ultimate superior is more than three thousand years old, you’re not special – he’s never seen anything like them, though he’s sure they were created by the Vagaries, like the Screechlings, and were sent by Wulfgar to protect the fleet. And, it seems to me their sole contribution to the battle was eating the corpses of Wulfgar’s own side. Well done!
Tristan tells Traax to have some of his warriors deal with the slitherers, and suddenly Scars comes over and tells Tyranny they found something unexpected on the lead slaver ship – more slaves. *rolls her eyes* Ah, yes, slaves on a slave ship, how very shocking. Tyranny looks over as the chained, filthy and malnourished slaves are led up onto the deck – some of them are literally dying, and nobody makes a move to help them – and she looks them over until her gaze falls on one man in particular. She drops her wine in shock and races over to him – it’s our old friend Twenty-Nine, but Tyranny calls him by his real name, Jacob. She runs over to him and wraps him in a big hug; after a long embrace, they separate and he asks after their parents, and she confirms they’re dead. And then she turns back to Tristan and confirms what we’ve all guessed by now – that this is her brother, whose abduction by the slavers set her on the course of becoming a privateer in the first place.
MG: And honestly, on the one hand, it’s a fairly sweet reunion, actually. On the other, though, the execution is very mixed, as you might guess. Most obviously, like the mystery of the true nature of the demonslavers, the mystery of Twenty-Nine’s true identity has been dragged out so long now that it feels pretty hard to actually care about it anymore, especially when it was only brought up intermittently and never really given much focus. And of course, Jacob just happened to be a prisoner on one of the ships Tyranny captured and not on, say, one of the much larger group that Tristan blew up last time around. Still, Tyranny and Jacob are among Newcomb’s better characters, as low a bar to clear as that is, and I’m glad they got their happy ending. A small bright spot in all this mess.
Contrivances and Coincidences: 64
Protagonist-Centered Morality: 105
Tahiri: The happy reunion is interrupted as a Minion warrior comes flying from the direction of Tammerland. He’s seriously injured and ends up crashing hard on the deck; Wigg tries to heal him but can’t do much more than bring him back to consciousness, and Tristan bends down to take his report. The dying warrior reports how the demonslavers attacked the palace, too many to fight, and Celeste and Faegan were captured, before he finally dies. *reflexively, as if speaking a blessing* All glory to you, warrior… *back in her normal voice* Tristan lowers the Minion’s body to the deck, then races over to the nearest litter. When Tyranny tries to get in too, he reminds her that her brother is here, but she tells him that if it wasn’t for him, she wouldn’t have these ships and wouldn’t have been able to free Jacob, so she owes him (he also got a lot of your original crew killed – remember that part?). She says Scars can take care of Jacob for now, but Tristan needs all the help he can get (…she’s not wrong). So, she climbs into the litter; Tristan asks if she saw any humans fighting with the demonslaver fleet, and she didn’t, which means Tristan can guess where Wulfgar is now. The others – which I guess means Wigg, Abbey, and Shailiha – climb into litters too, and the Minions fly off towards Tammerland, while all Tristan can think about is Celeste (which might be heartwarming, if he hadn’t just needed to be reminded about her…) as the chapter ends.
MG: Honestly, this one just feels very perfunctory, like Newcomb knew he had loose ends to tie up and wanted to get it over with. We’ve already gone over the reveal of Twenty-Nine/Jacob as Tyranny’s brother, but the final battle with the slavers was so irrelevant Newcomb didn’t even bother to write it, and then the nameless dying Minion arrived at just the right time to send us flying off, literally, to the next actually important plot point. Just really obviously phoned in even by Newcomb standards, and clearly just there to tie off some remaining plot points and move us on to the climax. It really makes me wonder why we didn’t have only one fleet battle in the first place; it’d probably have been a better scene. Anyway – onward!
Contrivances and Coincidences: 65
Protagonist-Centered Morality: 106
Chapter Seventy-One
Irinali: We open with Wulfgar as he changes the song he’s having Faegan’s violin play to something more haunting, and then starts wheedling Faegan, specifically talking like a father to a misbehaving child (which is kind of odd when speaking to a man three-hundred years his senior, you have to admit). He tells Faegan he’s being too difficult, and if he just tells him where the Scroll is, he’ll kill him painlessly – and Celeste too, if she’s still alive. No more pain, no more misplaced loyalty to Wigg and his “friends” – just a perfect, forgiving and peaceful sleep that will last forever. Beg pardon, but you people do believe in an afterlife, so I somehow doubt that will be the case. We learn that Wulfgar has been torturing Faegan for two hours now – oh, for the Keeper’s sake – and Faegan is now shaking from pain and barely conscious, but still hasn’t given in. Wulfgar turns away from him to glance at where Celeste is still lying unconscious, and he still hasn’t bothered to check whether she’s alive or dead (by this point, if she’s been out that long and hasn’t been treated… she’s probably dead or well on her way, or would be in a sane world). But we’re told Wulfgar doesn’t care whether she lives or dies, just so we have our reminder that he is evil now. We learn that he’s levitating an azure, serrated knife next to Faegan, gloating about how sometimes less is more. Faegan manages to repeat that he’ll never give in.
And so, we get a positively lovely description of Wulfgar raking the knife along the stump of one of Faegan’s legs, reducing the wizard to agonized babbling. Hmm; Newcomb, this is the sort of thing most people would find horrific, but it you want us to care, perhaps have it happen to someone other than the man who abandoned his daughter to being captured and brainwashed by an evil cult, hmmm? Wulfgar finally admits he may have to invade Faegan’s mind after all, but first asks one more time – where is the Scroll? Faegan forces himself to open his eyes and sit up, staring at Wulfgar and not daring to give in, lest the bastard brother of the Chosen Ones come to possess a secret even greater than the Scroll of the Vigors, something he, Wigg and Abbey discovered and vowed to keep secret at all costs. Finally, he decides to let Wulfgar torture him some more and then pretend to give in, sacrificing the Scroll to protect this “deeper” secret. He dares Wulfgar to do his worst, and spits in his face.
Dastardly Deeds: 145
Tahiri: …well, the old sleemo’s got nerve, whatever else you can say about him. Pity Wulfgar’s been reduced to… this… though. Wulfgar goes back to raking Faegan’s wounded legs with his knife, and after a few agonizing passes Faegan lets himself give in. He tells Wulfgar that the Scroll is hidden inside a bookcase and gives him the pattern he’ll need to touch to open it. Wulfgar does, and the wall glows – azure, of course – before opening, revealing a compartment with the Scroll inside. He takes it reverently, and suddenly we’re back in his point of view as he thinks that he doesn’t actually need this Scroll for his plans, but if he takes it, he can keep Tristan and Shailiha forever untrained. And, considering how Wigg and Faegan have made basically no moves to train them before this… I think he could have left the Scroll right where it was and it would have made zero difference. Wulfgar turns back to Faegan, telling him that when the Orb of the Vigors is destroyed the time enchantments will fade and Wigg and Faegan will die, so this is their final farewell. Before he goes, he has one final question. How does Faegan feel being a traitor? I mean, he’s been hiding out in Shadowood with his gnomes after throwing his daughter under the proverbial speeder and abandoning the rest of the Directorate, so – I’d say he’s good with it! But Wulfgar doesn’t bother waiting for an answer as he turns invisible and vanishes with the Scroll, leaving a weeping Faegan alone with Celeste as the chapter ends.
MG: And this one really just felt like Newcomb wanted to write a torture scene, albeit a rather unimaginative one. Well, that and to foreshadow the secret that Faegan did manage to keep from him, which is going to be rather underwhelming despite the buildup (yes, it’s going to be important to the actual climax momentarily; no, it’s not really “greater” than the Scroll itself). Thank goodness this chapter was short, at least. Anyway, we have one more to go for today, so… onward!
Dastardly Deeds: 148
Gratuitous Grimdark: 72
Chapter Seventy-Two
Irinali: And so we open with everyone returning to Tammerland by litter, being quiet the whole way as they’re worried about Faegan and Celeste (I honestly can’t say I personally give half a damn about Faegan, and I only care about Celeste because of how shabbily her own author has treated her across the two books in which she’s appeared). Wigg suddenly tells Tristan to order the Minions to land. Tristan doesn’t want to, considering that Faegan and Celeste could need their help right now, but Wigg insists there is something he has to tell them before they get to the palace (oh, goody, more secrets…). But at that exact moment they come over a ridge and come in view of the palace, where Tristan sees Minions fighting against a larger force of demonslavers, and though the Minions are doing some damage, it’s clear the slavers’ superior numbers are wearing them down. Oh, and apparently the slavers are so thick about the Minions that the Minions don’t have space to spread their wings and take to the air. Well… at least Newcomb thought of that and tried to address it? As much as it beggars the imagination that the slavers enveloped the Minions so quickly none of them was able to take off…
Tristan, for once, calls Wigg out for his stupidity, telling him that if they don’t intervene, the Minions will die. Wigg insists that what he’s about to say to Tristan needs to be said, and it’s more important to save magic itself over some of the Minions sworn to defend you. Now, I might make that same call… but Wigg is not me and is, ostensibly, a wise and noble wizard and our hero’s beloved mentor. So forgive me if I can’t think much of his advice. And so, they land, and Wigg takes out a piece of parchment covered in Old Eutracian writing and gives it to Abbey, kisses her briefly, and then he and Tristan take back off in their litter, leaving Abbey behind. And the scene ends there. That… was quite anticlimactic.
Plot-Induced Stupidity: 111
Protagonist-Centered Morality: 107
Tahiri: We then cut back to the litter as it approaches the palace, where Wigg has apparently already explained to Tristan, Tyranny and Shailiha why they can’t take part in the battle, as much as they want to. And of course, Newcomb doesn’t tell us what Wigg said. *rolls her eyes* How is it that even as these books keep finding new ways to be infuriating, they still manage to be predictable too? Tristan’s newly arriving Minions tear into the slavers from above, and apparently Tristan has given them orders to leave none of the slavers alive. Well… on the one hand, don’t forget that the slavers were innocent people who got warped into monsters against their will. On the other hand… is there really a way back for them? And if not, would killing them actually count as freeing them? And, more to the point, does Tristan know about any of this? Anyway, as the Minions and slavers are fighting, Wigg dismounts on the roof and looks up to the sky; he doesn’t see the orbs, so he knows Wulfgar hasn’t started his spellcasting yet and hopes they can intercept him before he can begin.
Wigg is worried that if Wulfgar can hide his blood from Wigg’s senses and turn invisible, it’ll be almost impossible to find him. Yeah, that would be a problem, but considering how little of the book is left, I don’t doubt Newcomb is going to resolve it in some really dumb way. And indeed, Wigg decides that if they can’t find Wulfgar, there’s a way to make Wulfgar come to them. Only one person can conjure the orbs at a time, and Wulfgar will need them to perform his Forestallment, so… Wigg conjures the orbs himself. *facepalm* No matter how clever you think your plan is, is potentially handing the bad guy the weapons he needs on a platter really worth it? And, uh, was going into hiding somewhere and conjuring the orbs there, so Wulfgar couldn’t call them and he’d have a really hard time finding them, really that difficult? But no matter; Wigg’s spell is successful and the orbs start manifesting:
As the four of them watched, a gigantic glow coalesced in the inky night sky. The glow began to spin, quickly becoming the Orb of the Vigors, the massive, golden globe of energy that sustained the altruistic side of the craft. The pale white beams that radiated from its center lit up the night sky for what seemed to be leagues in every direction. Tristan suddenly realized he had never witnessed the orbs at night. It was an awesome sight.
Then the darker, menacing Orb of the Vagaries took shape, its blackness scratched through by bright lightning.
Blood Matters: 239
Plot-Induced Stupidity: 112
Irinali: Well, Tristan looks down to the courtyard to see the battle nearly over as his Minions finish off the slavers; that was easy. Traax and Ox land beside him, Ox looking exhausted and wounded, and give him a nod. Wigg, meanwhile, has lowered his arms and everything falls still as though waiting for something to happen. And that’s when the orbs suddenly start moving closer to one another, bolts of energy leaping between them and a bridge of light – azure, of course – forming to connect them. At first Tristan thinks Wigg is doing it and then realizes the truth – it’s Wulfgar! So… can Wulfgar then bridge the orbs without dropping either his invisibility or the spell that cloaks him from magical detection? In which case Wigg really did hand him the tools he needs to achieve his victory – well done! And indeed, as Tristan watches the connection between the orbs grows stronger and brighter, he finally gets it through his thick head what this is – the isthmus needed to merge the orbs and destroy the Orb of the Vigors, and that Wulfgar is the one who conjured it! Even though he just realized several paragraphs ago that Wulfgar must be the one doing this! *facepalms* If this is the Vigors’ last hope, this world is doomed. At it deserves to be.
And that’s when Wulfgar, despite the fact that he could literally stay invisible and complete his mission without ever revealing his exact location to anyone, breaks out with a melodramatic evil laugh – really now, as satisfying as that can be, there is a time and place – and demands to know if Tristan really thinks he can defeat him so easily. Tristan and Shailiha both turn towards the source of the sound, and there see an amorphous blue light that gradually forms into the shape of a man, Wulfgar himself. We get a brief description of his emerald silk trousers and a matching jacket that lay partially open, exposing his muscular chest… and how he holds the Scroll of the Vigors in his arms. I still think he had no reason to reveal himself at all, but Tristan panics, wondering what’s become of Faegan and Celeste. Wigg, for once, is on top of things and shoots two bolts at Wulfgar, who simply catches them and mashes them together into one ball of energy; he then steps forward and throws it back at Wigg, where it strikes him in the chest and throws him across the roof, leaving him to fall in a smoking heap. *applauds, sincerely this time* Good for you, Wulfgar! That was long overdue, I swear… Tristan, Shailiha and Tyranny run to Wigg’s side and can’t tell if he’s breathing; Tristan looks up at Wulfgar and demands to know if Wigg is dead, and when he gets no response repeats the question, calling Wulfgar a bastard for good measure, which does get a momentary flash of anger from him, what with it being literally true and all. But Wulfgar composes himself, admitting he doesn’t know if Wigg is dead or not, and he’s not sure if Celeste or Faegan are either, and actually apologizes for being rather new at all this. *beat* Well, Wulfgar, you can always leave this terrible book behind and come work for my organization! The Order of the Emerald Claw offers very good rates and benefits, and I assure you our leadership are significantly more competent than anyone Newcomb’s ever written.
Dastardly Deeds: 149 (for Wulfgar’s pointless evil gloating)
Plot-Induced Stupidity: 115
Tahiri: Tristan, who is beyond anger steps forward, and Wulfgar assures him he could kill him with a thought. Tristan asks why he doesn’t, and Wulfgar admits he might, but he has to finish his mission first – the mission Nicholas trusted to Krassus, and Krassus in turn trusted to him. Wulfgar then wonders how Tristan feels, having killed not only his father but also led to the death of his son; Tristan says he thought it was sad, but necessary, and that’s how he’ll feel when he kills Wulfgar, too. *rolls her eyes* Oh, yeah. I can just tell how real sad you are about all this! Wulfgar admits that Krassus told him Tristan was stubborn; he looks out over the battle and muses that he doesn’t really care about the dead slavers here, and assumes Tristan must have defeated his fleet, too. But he doesn’t care, because they were nothing but a means to an end. Get it, he’s totally eeevil now! He then tells Tristan to order the Minions to stand down, or our lovely sister – your famous twin – will die. We’re not given any indication of how Wulfgar means to do this – or why Shailiha is easier to kill than Tristan himself, other than that she’s the girl – but Tristan immediately complies. *rolls her eyes* You’re doing great, you know that?
Anyway, Tristan is very carefully struggling not to look at the hill behind the palace where they left Abbey and remembering what Wigg told him (but not us). Wulfgar then catches everyone in a warp, and Shailiha asks if he really means to destroy the Vigors (uh, yeah, he does. That’s what this whole thing has been about, apparently). Wulfgar says he does, but he’s also here for something else – the Scroll of the Vigors itself, which holds many secrets about the twins’ destiny that Wigg hasn’t told them or doesn’t know himself, including how Tristan can rid himself of his blue blood. He goes off on a rambling monologue about how Tristan can’t be trained, can’t fulfil his destiny and can’t even have children while his blood is still “azure,” most of which I think we knew already. Your famous, all-powerful blood that was to have empowered you above all others is now the very thing you must despise! Well… at least the special blood being a problem is a new twist on things? Even if everything is still about blood, just in a different way from normal… Wulfgar then adds that they still have to despise him, of course, and Shailiha demands to know how someone who shares their blood can be so evil. Well, one, your bloodline doesn’t determine your morality – and trust me, I was… close… to Darth Vader’s grandson, so I have some idea of what I’m talking about. And for another, he was brainwashed, he’s not doing this of his own will, is Newcomb ever going to acknowledge that!? But Wulfgar just says he has no concept of “evil” and that the Vagaries are just a different point of view. One, I like that better when Master Skywalker says it. Two, maybe that would mean something if I had some idea of what the Vagaries stood for and how they’re different from the Vigors in the first place. And three, Wulfgar was still brainwashed, nothing here changes that fact! And so Wulfgar raises his hands and the orbs start glowing brighter, and Tristan starts thinking harder about what’s going on at that hill and the scene ends.
Blood Matters: 242
Dastardly Deeds: 150
Gender Wars: 99
Plot-Induced Stupidity: 117
Protagonist-Centered Morality: 110
Irinali: And so we cut back to Abbey on the hill as she watches the orbs, then takes out the parchment Wigg gave her and starts to conjure a gazing flame, which of course Newcomb walks us through the whole process of even though we’ve seen it several times by now. She then opens her locket, revealing that beside the lock of Wigg’s hair, she also has another in there now – Wulfgar’s lock of hair, the one Wigg had earlier in the book, that was cut from him as an infant. She then uses the lock to focus the flame’s vision on Wulfgar, knowing that she’s risking that this might call forth the Furies, since he’s the Chosen Ones’ half-brother. And of course, Newcomb takes time to remind us what the Furies are, in case we forgot in the last few pages. *rolls her eyes* But apparently she’s doing something different this time… and the scene cuts off before we find out what.
Exposition Intrusion: 296
Irinali: We cut back to Wulfgar smiling as the orbs continue to merge, thinking that though the Forestallment required to give him the power to do this was complicated, the actual execution is surprisingly easy, and then we get a rundown of Krassus’ instructions to him, long after it ceased to matter since we had it explained how this works already:
First, call upon your blood and conjure forth the Isthmus. When the Isthmus has appeared and the orbs seem stable, then use your mind to open the gate at the end connected to the Orb of the Vagaries, and allow its dark energy to trickle through. As it begins to reach the Orb of the Vigors, open the other end of the Isthmus and force the dark energy inside the Orb of the Vigors without allowing it to return to its source. The Orb of the Vigors shall therefore become polluted, while the Orb of the Vagaries shall remain pristine. When enough dark energy has finally been transfused, however, the cataclysm will wish to commence, and you must be exceedingly careful lest you risk the destruction of the world, for chaos is the natural order of the universe. But if done correctly, before the great cataclysm occurs the controlled nature of your work will cause the Orb of the Vigors to explode in a great ball of fire and light, and your mission will be complete. The Vigors will be no more, Wulfgar, and you may return to the Citadel and rule in splendor forever.
Irinali: See, if we had that earlier, like when Krassus actually explained things to Wulfgar (and we skipped over all of it) it might have been a revelation. As it is, it’s just, what’s the word? Padding. And so Wulfgar follows the instructions and lets the energy begin to flow… and suddenly and without warning we’re in Tristan’s head as he thinks that soon the Orb of the Vigors will explode and everything he cares about will end. We then cut back to Abbey as her gazing flame starts to swell with the Furies, and she then starts reading out the formula on the parchment Wigg gave her, which is apparently from the Scroll of the Vigors, which would countermand the actions of the furies and send the energy back to the subject a thousandfold. Which might have been nice to have established that Wigg and Faegan had such a thing before this, wouldn’t it? And now that’s two problems, counting the fleet, that have been solved by the Furies. Once was clever; twice is just repetitive.
Exposition Intrusion: 300
Tahiri: *shrugs* Hey, you work with what you’ve got, even when what you’ve got is a magical booby trap, I guess. Anyway, the gazing flame bursts and a massive blast of energy shoots out of it, but this time it arcs away from Abbey and towards the palace, where Wulfgar is conjuring. Wulfgar sense it just in time to turn to face the Furies as they strike him; he tries to turn them aside by shooting them with “azure” bolts, to no avail. The furies engulf him with a whirling maelstrom and he knows he’ll die if he can’t escape. For a few precious moments, he turned his hateful gaze on Tristan and Shailiha. They heard him scream insanely. Then the scream died away. The maelstrom closed in hard – and exploded. The blast sends Tristan, Shailiha and Tyranny flying, blows off parts of the palace roof, and even uproots some trees – kriff, that was powerful! Our heroes were lucky they didn’t get liquified by being so close! Oh, and do note we had to establish Wulfgar as “hateful” and “insane” one last time – classy, Newcomb! Wulfgar’s isthmus vanishes, and so do the orbs, apparently unharmed. Tristan tries to haul himself to his feet and crawl over to the Scroll of the Vigors, which holds the answers he needs, but it’s already burning. He collapses to the roof as Ox and Traax land nearby and rush over towards him and the burning Scroll, and the chapter ends there as he blacks out.
MG: Well, what is there to say about all of this, other than that Newcomb’s track record for anticlimaxes indeed remains a solid three for three? The best part is, at least, that our heroes – or at least, Wigg and Abbey – actively did have to take steps to set up Wulfgar’s defeat and we had some foreshadowing before it happened, rather than in the previous book where Nicholas just randomly fell over dead in his moment of triumph and we only found out why belatedly. On the other hand, using the “furies” trick again isn’t something I particularly care for – as Irinali said, once was clever, twice is just repetitive. It should have been saved for here, the more dramatic moment, and we could’ve just had Tyranny and the Minions defeat the slaver fleet in a more conventional naval battle. Speaking of that, it’s abundantly clear that Newcomb had entirely lost interest in mopping up the last of the demonslavers; those battles are so perfunctory it’s almost embarrassing.
Beyond that, the actual confrontation with Wulfgar just feels like a letdown even by Newcomb standards. We’re left with absolutely no acknowledgment that Wulfgar is operating under mind-control or that he was a good person before Krassus got his claws in him; even his relationship with Serena goes entirely unmentioned in his moment of (supposed) triumph. He’s just been reduced to a sneering Snidely Whiplash stereotype who does evil things because he’s evil and that’s what evil guys do. And Tristan – and Shailiha, Tyranny and Wigg – are hilariously useless in this fight, contributing exactly nothing to Wulfgar’s defeat beyond the fact that they serve somewhat as a distraction to keep him from noticing Abbey’s conjuring before it’s too late (though he was so focused on the orbs that this might not have even been necessary), though seeing him blast Wigg across the roof was remarkably satisfying. So the long-awaited confrontation between brothers was a big nothing; Wulfgar might as well have not even been related to the twins at all, for all it ended up mattering. On that note… after the last couple of chapters went to so much effort to introduce Adrian and the Acolytes (at the last minute, admittedly) and integrate them into the Redoubt… they added exactly nothing to the final battle, in any way shape and form. In fact, they weren’t even mentioned in these chapters at all. They might as well have never shown up in the first place! It kind of makes me wonder if they were even in the story originally, or if they were something Newcomb threw in as part of a later draft. On the other hand, as anticlimactic as it was, this sequence is going to have repercussions down the line. For one, despite the rapid turnover in the villain cast this trilogy has, Wulfgar is not actually dead and will be continuing on as a major antagonist into the next trilogy. And while his ritual was interrupted before it could succeed, he did manage to damage the Orb of the Vigors, which is going to have complications going forward.
Anyway, that’s all for today – and we have only one more actual sporking post to go after this, plus the final thoughts (in which we may end up looking at that Newcomb interview I’ve mentioned a few times before as well). Next time, both the book and the trilogy draw to a close. We’ll see you then! Our counts stand at:
Blood Matters: 242
Contrivances and Coincidences: 66 (I’m going to give another point here for Wulfgar actively revealing himself for no reason at all so we can have a final battle)
Dastardly Deeds: 150
Exposition Intrusion: 300
Gender Wars: 99
Gratuitous Grimdark: 72
Plot-Induced Stupidity: 117
Protagonist-Centered Morality: 110
Retcons and Revelations: 29
