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masterghandalfThis is a crosspost from Das_Sporking2. Previous installments of this spork may be found here.
Warning: These chapters contain discussion of slavery and genocide.
MG: Well, everyone, it’s time to continue our journey through Kirill Yeskov’s The Last Ringbearer. Last time, we had… racism. Lots and lots of racism. Today, we’ll be catching up with Kumai (a character we’ve only just met) in the Mindolluin quarry (a location we’ve only just visited) and finally get some idea of just what’s going on here and why we should care (or not). Joining us once again, after taking a much-deserved break last time, will be Havaktri.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Havaktri: *glances back over the previous chapters* Ah. Well. I can certainly say I’m glad to be back, but… also glad that I missed last time? And so, we pick up exactly where the last chapter left off, immediately following the death of poor Mbanga. “Bastard’s dead!” the huge blond overseer concluded disappointedly after carefully crushing Mbanga’s fingers with his heel (no reaction); then he trained his bloodshot eyes on Kumai, standing motionless to the side. *weakly* Oh. Well. I’m so glad this death is being treated with the gravitas and dignity it deserves? But the overseer then whirls on Kumai and promises to punish him for the death of Ernie instead. Even though he didn’t do anything. What charming people Gondor hires!
MG: Also, I’ve got to wonder – why is the guard blond (and why was it worth pointing out)? I guess it’s possible, but Gondorians are almost always dark haired; it’s the Rohirrim who are usually blond. I’ve got to wonder if this is more “the Free Peoples are Nazis” coding. Also, the only Sindarin name I can think of that might be shortened to “Ernie” is “Ernil,” which means prince. Which, in a monarchy, seems like it would be a very strange thing for a random grunt to be called.
Elven Brutality: 115
Linguistic Confusion: 50 (Ernie?)
Mixed-up Mythos: 128 (it’s probably not impossible for a Gondorian to be blond, but unusual enough I’ll still give it a point, especially since I’m not feeling generous to Yeskov right now.)
Havaktri: Kumai tries to fight back, but the guards all gang up on him and start beating him, poor man. Finally, the chief overseer shows up and orders the rest to back off to spare Kumai’s life, though his reasons are… less than altruistic. See, the deal here’s like this: if this animal kicks the bucket right here, then he’ll have to thadeal with the master of the works (a major asshole), but if it happens later, in the barracks, then it’s gonna be a ‘natural loss’ and no questions asked … *looking queasy* Oh, well. That’s… pleasant. Even the Inspired are usually tidier than this when it comes to just making inconvenient people “disappear” … but Kumai gets hauled back to the barracks, where his fellow prisoners are sure he’s not long for this world, and think he’s used up the luck that let him survive the Pelennor Fields (luck is finite? How disturbing!). We then flash back to the battle (not again!) where we learn that Kumai was the leader of a squad of siege engineers in the South Army when the Rohirrim’s charge broke through their ranks. Apparently, Kumai rallied his men in destroying their engines before they could be captured by the enemy, when he ran right into the front rank of the Rohirrim. The mounted warriors treated the suddenly appearing lonely Mordorian without due respect, and paid for it. Kumai was strong even by Trollish standards (once at a student party he had walked a window ledge with dead-drunk Haladdin slumped in an armchair held in his outstretched arms), so his weapon of choice right then was a large wagon shaft that came to hand. Only one of the four riders managed to back off in time; the rest fell where they met that monstrous spinner. Now, while I have little experience with cavalry, from what I’ve heard, a lone man meeting a cavalry charge on foot seems unlikely to have that good of a time of it. But more Rohirrim arrive, and Kumai calls back to his men to finish destroying their catapults before turning back to challenge the Rohirrim to battle.
And, indeed, this draws out one of the Rohirrim officers to meet him. The rank parted, and a few seconds later a dismounted warrior wearing the white plumage of a cornet stood before him: “Are you ready, fair sir?” Kumai grabbed the pole by the middle, made a quick forward lunge – and found the Rohir less than two yards away; the only thing that saved the Troll was that the light Rohan blade could not cut through the pole which took the brunt of the blow. The engineer hastily backed inside the park, trying to gain precious seconds, but was unable to break away: the cornet was fleet as a ferret, and Kumai’s chances with his clumsy weapon were about zero in close quarters. “Fire and run like hell!” he yelled, seeing clearly that he himself was finished. Indeed, the next moment the world exploded in a white flash of blinding pain and instantly faded into comforting darkness. The cornet’s blow split his helmet clean apart, so he never saw how the very next second everything around him turned into a sea of flames – his people did manage to finish the job… So, at least he managed that? And so, the officer, respecting Kumai’s courage, took him alive and was sufficiently impressed to want to know his name. I might think this the beginning of a heartwarming tale of friendship and redemption… but, alas, I know where this ends, and that it is not to be. Kumai came to only three days later in a Rohani hospital tent, lying side by side with the three riders he had felled; the steppe warriors made no distinction between the wounded and treated them all equally. Unfortunately, in this case it meant ‘equally bad:’ the engineer’s head was in sorry shape, but the only medicine he got during that time was a skin of wine brought by Cornet Jorgen who had captured him. The, ah, “cornet” wanted to keep Kumai alive, and hoped to fight him again under fairer circumstances, However, a week later the Rohirrim left on the Mordorian campaign, to win the crown of the Reunited Kingdom for Aragorn, and that same day Kumai and all the other wounded prisoners were sent to the Mindolluin quarry. Unlike the backward Rohan, Gondor was already a civilized country … That doesn’t sound very civilized to me…
Age of Anachronisms: 67 (we’ve discussed this before, but “cornet” is the cavalry equivalent of “ensign,” a rank that didn’t come into existence until well after the time periods LotR is based on, and which doesn’t make sense with the feudal-based military system the Rohirrim have)
The Dung Ages: 58 (one point for the general backwardness of everyone, one point for how you can practically hear the scare quotes around “civilized”)
Elven Brutality: 116
Linguistic Confusion: 51 (“Jorgen” is a Scandinavian name, not an Old English one)
Havaktri: Kumai isn’t quite sure how he survived his first few days in the mines with his injuries, unless it’s pure stubbornness. He also knows enough about mining to know that the Mindolluin quarry is not being run for the purpose of efficiency, but to slowly kill off its work force (is… is there any reason why Gondor didn’t just have all Mordorian prisoners executed already, if they weren’t planning to use them for productive labor?). The daily food-to-production-quota ratio for Mordorian prisoners was such as to be bald-faced ‘killing on an installment plan.’ Quite aside from being horribly immoral, this really does seem like quite a lot of time and resources to waste on killing people slowly… is there some deeper purpose here that I’m missing, perhaps? Or is everyone just very bad at this? After a few weeks of this, however, an Elvish inspection team swooped in. What shame, what barbarity! those folks carried on. Isn’t it obvious that these people are capable of a lot more than driving wheel-barrows? There are plenty of experts in all kinds of trades here – take them and use them properly, damn it! The Gondorian bosses scratched their heads abashedly: “our bad, your eminences!” and conducted a skill survey right away. As a result, a few dozen lucky ones traded the hell of Mindolluin for work in their chosen fields, leaving the quarry forever. Considering what Yeskov’s elves are like, I somehow doubt this was from the goodness of their hearts… and indeed, Kumai keeps quiet, as he doesn’t trust the elves, and also because he doesn’t want to assist the enemy more than he has to. Kumai did not think it proper to buy his life by building heavier-than-air aircraft for the enemy (that being his trade): some things are not to be done because they must not be done, period. Beg pardon, but was Kumai not a siege engineer? As in someone who builds, operates and maintains siege engines? Wouldn’t that be an entirely different job than… whatever you call someone who makes flying craft? I think someone here is very confused, and I don’t think it’s me… And so, the only way out of Mindolluin Kumai can see is through escape, but he can’t figure out how to manage it, and between the poor diet and hard labor he’s becoming increasingly apathetic, were it not for Mbanga, the One rest his soul, who managed to slam the door on his way out so spectacularly as to also solve all of Kumai’s problems once and for all. Oh, so, in the end Mbanga’s life and death mattered because it inspired Kumai! *beat* I don’t think that’s right, do you? Shouldn’t Mbanga have mattered for himself? Regardless, the chapter ends here. My, that was quite short, wasn’t it?
Age of Anachronisms: 68 (“our bad?” Seriously?)
Elven Brutality: 118
Mordor the Magnificent: 63 (for the reminder that this fic’s version of the fell beasts aren’t living creatures but actual, mechanical aircraft)
Chapter Thirty-Five
Havaktri: And so we find ourselves with Kumai, recovering (or not…) from his beating in the barracks as a stranger suddenly appears (how many strangers are there in a prison camp? Wouldn’t the guards have noticed? Or was he never there at all?). He was wiry and quick of movement, his swarthy Southerner’s face marked by decisiveness – most likely an officer off an Umbarian privateer who by a quirk of fate wound up at Mindolluin rather than dangling off the yardarm of a royal galley. I’m still confused as to how this person nobody knows arrived in a closed environment like a prison without anyone noticing him…
MG: And I’d just like to note that word, privateer. A privateer isn’t just a fancy word for pirate – unlike a pirate, a privateer is essentially licensed, having a Letter of Marque from their government authorizing them to target enemy ships in times of war. And, on the one hand, that’s probably not a bad word for what the Corsairs of Umbar are (since they usually seem to be acting on behalf of Umbar as a state, not independently) but on the other hand… well, we’ll get into more detail about this next time, but Yeskov is going to be trying to depict Umbar as having been a mostly neutral power, unfairly slandered as a pirate haven by those nasty Gondorians. But if Umbar was actually employing privateers against Gondor, to such an extent that one would plausibly end up in a top-security POW camp… well, that doesn’t exactly sound very “neutral,” does it?
Not So Magnificent: 33 (Umbar the “peaceful trading port” uses privateers?)
Havaktri: I wouldn’t think so, no? But the new arrival, who the others nickname Pirate – not very imaginative, are they? – notes that Kumai’s condition is grave and that without help he’s probably a goner, and then returns out of nowhere with some ointment, which he rubs all over his wounds, and by the next morning, he’s begun to heal! How miraculous! When he’s feeling better, Kumai asks “Pirate” why he used what must be such a valuable medicine on him, someone he barely knows, and Pirate in turn wonders why an engineer like Kumai is still here when he could have gotten a comfortable job designing mechanisms in Minas Tirith. Kumai grunted: “It’s the simple wisdom of prostitutes I’ve followed all my life: don’t hustle while under a customer …” and cut himself short when it suddenly occurred to him: how does this guy know about my trade when I’ve told no one about it and had concealed it during that ‘skill survey’? Well, that’s certainly an… earthy phrase. Though I fail to see its relevance here, unless Kumai is comparing being a prisoner of war being worked to death to being a sex worker? Those seem quite different to me… though if they are alike, I think I’m better off not knowing why… Pirate then explains that the skilled craftsmen who took up the elves’ offer are already dead, because why wouldn’t they be, and he knows because he’s the gravedigger. Beg pardon, but what exactly is the point of separating all the craftsmen from the rest of the prisoners and then taking them somewhere else to kill them? I fear this sort of… needlessly convoluted depravity escapes me. Kumai digested this in silence for some time. The most horrible thing was his first thought: good riddance! And then: my God, whom did I turn into here? *stunned* Well, that was certainly… shocking. Though at least Kumai realizes it? And perhaps if I’d known him before and had some idea of how “this place” has changed him, I might care?
The Dung Ages: 59 (I feel like the prostitution metaphor ought to go somewhere and this feels like the best place)
Elven Brutality: 119
Havaktri: And so, Pirate reveals that he’s been sent by “the Motherland” to get Kumai out; Kumai literally asks what Motherland? And Pirate asks if he has more than one. Ah, maybe he does? Speaking for myself, I was born in Breland, but my heritage is Adaran… and we’ve had it stressed before that the Trolls have their own culture entirely distinct from Mordor’s. Maybe he does think of himself as a Troll, and citizen of whatever Trollish city he hails from, first and a Mordorian second, and he’s trying to figure out which of those groups sent you? Have you thought of that? Kumai is stunned that Mordor would sacrifice anyone to get him out – wait, who is getting sacrificed? Did we hear about that? Was it the other craftsmen? Mbanga? I thought those were unrelated, but maybe I was wrong! “We are following orders,” Pirate answered drily, “and it’s not for us to decide what is more important to Mordor: a spy network that took years to build or a certain Engineer Second Class.” *quietly* I wonder if anyone has told Pirate – or Kumai – that “just following orders” can be used to justify a great many terrible things. My people learned that long ago… Pirate explains that Kumai doesn’t need to know his real name, that the escape will begin momentarily – oh my, that was fast! – and that Kumai will be smuggled out disguised as a corpse. Though Pirate is quick to clarify, alas, that all the other craftsmen really were killed. That was Elvish work, there was nothing we could do … Anyway: you will now drink from this bottle and ‘die,’ to all appearances, for about twelve hours; after what happened to you yesterday, no one will be the wiser. The rest is technical details that do not concern you. Kumai thinks it really does concern him – I have to agree – and so Pirate clarifies that the less he knows, the better he’ll feel. And so, Kumai takes the offered drug, and goes out.
Kumai never found out what happened later to his ‘corpse’ (six beats per minute thready pulse, no visible reactions). Nor was there any reason for him to learn how he rode the corpse cart under a pile of dead bodies, or how he lay in the nearby abandoned quarry under a layer of gravel, awaiting transport. He came to in total darkness; everything’s in order – if Pirate was right about the twelve hours, it should be night now. Where am I? A stable, to judge by the smell … And so, Kumai comes to, with us having missed his escape entirely, alas, to be greeted by the voice of someone who only identifies himself as the “Superintendent.” The Superintendent assures Kumai that Pirate is fine, and that he wants Kumai to build weapons for him. Kumai is surprised, as that’s not his specialty – beg pardon, but you were building, maintaining and operating siege engines, no? Is your specialty something else? Can we hear about that instead? The Superintendent tells Kumai that this is what HQ wants of him and asks if he’s questioning them, and when he says he’s not, he’s assured he’ll be working under the Jageddin. Oh, my? Is this another famous person I’ve never heard of? How odd. They do seem to be coming out of nowhere, don’t they? Almost like they never existed before they were needed… Apparently “Jagedidn” has a whole team working, and Kumai will need to be sent there, especially since he’ll soon be a wanted man, as you’ve seen, the Elves are very thorough. So, I suppose they didn’t do a very good job of faking Kumai’s death, then? Perhaps the elves think he spontaneously reanimated? Kumai asks if he’ll be staying in Gondor, and the Superintendent says no. To be honest, it’s tempting to hide you in Gondor, nor would it be too difficult in any other time. We were working on this option, but had to abandon it. The thing is, right now the King and the Queen are jockeying for position in Minas Tirith; both have their own secret services which spy on each other, so it would be real easy to attract their attention purely by accident. So, unfortunately, no local option for us. But the world is not limited to Gondor and Mordor … By the way, were it the Reunited Kingdom trying to use you surrepticiously, they would most likely have sent you to Mordor: between them, the army and the counter-intelligence service of the victorious nation could have set up an ‘ivory tower’ for you bar none. Do you agree?” Ah, I would, but… I think I’ve entirely lost the train of this conversation? Perhaps I’ll get back on later?
Age of Anachronisms: 71 (HQ? Superintendent?)
Elven Brutality: 121
Mordor the Magnificent: 64
Not So Magnificent: 34
Spies Like Us: 58
Havaktri: Kumai asks if it’s obvious on his “phiz” and the Superintendent says it must be, though he can’t see Kumai’s “phiz” in the dark. What even is “phiz?” I don’t know, and all the possibilities sound awful! *beat* Oh, apparently it means “face.” Then why not say that? The Superintendent tells Kumai that he’ll worry about what needs to be done, and Kumai just needs to worry about how to do it. “Don’t worry about it. As long as we’re on the subject: the people you’ll be working with at that ‘university’ got there in a variety of ways; many are your good friends. You can discuss anything your heart desires with them – student parties, news of the Resistance, philosophy – anything but the story of how you got there. Loose talk on the subject can cost a lot of people their lives – both my colleagues, like our mutual friend in Mindolluin, and your colleagues still in the hands of the enemy. I say this with utmost seriousness and responsibility. Do you understand, Engineer Second Class?” Oh, dear. That sounds serious, doesn’t it? Kumai says he understands, and the scene ends there.
Age of Anachronisms: 72 (I’m going to give a point here for “phiz”)
Spies Like Us: 60
Havaktri: And so, we cut to our “friend” Cheetah, as he congratulates someone else named “Mongoose” that Operation Mockingbird is a job well done, and he’s rescued six people so far. The last man I’ve watched – engineer Kumai, number thirty-six on our list, designer of mechanical dragons – got into a stupid mess the day before the planned escape. The local warders turned him into chopped liver, and I had to fix him up real fast; to be honest, first I thought that there was no hope. I did save and extract him, but this completely exposed me: the snitches reported the healing, and … In other words, your boys from the backup team showed up just in time.” Oh, so this was all what is called a false flag, I think? Not that anyone here is using flags… Cheetah isn’t very happy about how all this turned out, though (maybe he thinks they should have had flags?). Two dead, three wounded, Her Majesty’s entire Secret Service is frantically looking for a Mordorian spy: a swarthy man with small scars around the mouth. Meanwhile, the police is searching for an escaped convict of the same description … I think, Lieutenant, that it’s high time you changed climates; get packing to go South, to work in Umbar.” So, is Mongoose one of the Secret Guard, then? He sounds remarkably lively, for a dead man. Does that mean Cheetah himself was the Superintendent, or was that someone else? Anyway, Cheetah suspects that Faramir has sent Tangorn to Umbar to look for skilled Mordorian experts who’ve taken refuge there, and he wants Mongoose to capture him and find out what he knows and what he’s doing. “May I treat him harshly to obtain this information?” “It won’t work in any other way; judging by this dossier, the baron is not the kind to buy his life with the secrets he’s been trusted with. In any case he’ll have to be disposed of after the interrogation, since we’re formally allied with Ithilien, so this whole story must not become known.” I, ah, think Ithilien is one of your own provinces? Why are you “allied” with one of your own provinces? Do you even know how your own government works? That might explain some things…
Cheetah explains that Tangorn may not yet know he’s being hunted, and may even stay openly in a hotel, which gives Mongoose an advantage. Considering the sensitivity of his mission, shouldn’t Tangorn be expecting to be opposed? And shouldn’t you expect him to expect that, just to be safe? If I can see it, surely Cheetah can… Mongoose is told he’ll have to operate independently, though he’ll be given some troops reporting to him (so apparently he’ll be independent from his superiors, not independent as in alone… unless his new subordinates are poorly-made constructs…) Mongoose assures Cheetah he won’t “spook’ Tangorn, and Cheetah tells him he’d better not, since if he does he won’t be able to ask the local station (station? All I can picture is a lightning rail station, and now I’m very confused…) for help. “Because we have information that the Elves are very active in Umbar and there’s a strong pro-Elvish underground there. Under no circumstances may Lórien find out about your operation – this is the strictest order – and I’m concerned with leaks: our people are in the shortest supply, and, regrettably, all the resident spies in Umbar are regular people …” Cheetah hesitated a little and finished in a humdrum sort of tone: “You will carry a Form r mandate, just in case.” I… beg your pardon? Also, of course it’s the elves, though at least they’re ruining everyone’s efforts now, regardless of which side they’re on? How very egalitarian of them. Mongoose is left stunned by his “mandate.” So this is what ‘His Majesty considers this operation to be of exceptional importance’ means! A r mandate allowed a member of the Secret Service to act in the name of the King. In overseas operations this can be necessary for only two reasons: to give a direct order to the ambassador, or to depose (or eliminate on the spot) the local station chief … Ah, maybe? I would think that being able to act with the king’s direct authority could be used for many things other than those two, but perhaps I’m mistaken? But if I am, we won’t find out any time soon, because this is the end not only of the chapter, but also of Part II.
MG: And if I may say, these last two chapters are such an odd note to end the Part on in the first place. They have nothing to do with anything that’s been going on in it, save for the vague connection to Tangorn at the end. Kumai won’t end up being relevant until Part IV, and I’m really not sure what the point of introducing him here was (or having his Great Escape plot in the first place, when he probably could have been introduced at the place he’s going to be ending up at without having been captured at all, and saved us all a lot of trouble). And it just feels like it trails off into nothing, not like an ending that actually marks the conclusion of a major section of the story. Really, it’s mostly to set up the next Part. And speaking of, we’ll indeed be starting Part III: The Umbarian Gambit next time! Which seems to be considered, based on the reviews I’ve peeked at, to be either the best or the worst part of the fic. On the one hand, Umbar gives Yeskov the chance to do some original worldbuilding without stepping on Tolkien’s toes too much, as well as the chance to indulge his spy-fiction fetish in a context where it actually makes some sense. On the other hand, the Part is far, far longer than it needs to be considering its relevance (or lack thereof) to the overall plot, and Yeskov’s Umbar happily ignores everything actually interesting about Tolkien’s Umbar to do its own, unrelated thing (maybe it’s just me, but when you’ve got Umbarians actively claiming to have never heard of Numenor and to not care about it, you have a problem). But we’ll get to that next time. We’ll see you then! Our counts stand at:
Age of Anachronisms: 76 (among other things, the way the spy stuff is discussed this chapter feels especially modern and anachronistic. Also, Middle-earth has inns, not hotels)
The Dung Ages: 59
Elven Brutality: 122
Linguistic Confusion: 50
Mixed-up Mythos: 127
Mordor the Magnificent: 65
Not So Magnificent: 34
Spies Like Us: 66
Take That, Tolkien!:40
Warning: These chapters contain discussion of slavery and genocide.
MG: Well, everyone, it’s time to continue our journey through Kirill Yeskov’s The Last Ringbearer. Last time, we had… racism. Lots and lots of racism. Today, we’ll be catching up with Kumai (a character we’ve only just met) in the Mindolluin quarry (a location we’ve only just visited) and finally get some idea of just what’s going on here and why we should care (or not). Joining us once again, after taking a much-deserved break last time, will be Havaktri.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Havaktri: *glances back over the previous chapters* Ah. Well. I can certainly say I’m glad to be back, but… also glad that I missed last time? And so, we pick up exactly where the last chapter left off, immediately following the death of poor Mbanga. “Bastard’s dead!” the huge blond overseer concluded disappointedly after carefully crushing Mbanga’s fingers with his heel (no reaction); then he trained his bloodshot eyes on Kumai, standing motionless to the side. *weakly* Oh. Well. I’m so glad this death is being treated with the gravitas and dignity it deserves? But the overseer then whirls on Kumai and promises to punish him for the death of Ernie instead. Even though he didn’t do anything. What charming people Gondor hires!
MG: Also, I’ve got to wonder – why is the guard blond (and why was it worth pointing out)? I guess it’s possible, but Gondorians are almost always dark haired; it’s the Rohirrim who are usually blond. I’ve got to wonder if this is more “the Free Peoples are Nazis” coding. Also, the only Sindarin name I can think of that might be shortened to “Ernie” is “Ernil,” which means prince. Which, in a monarchy, seems like it would be a very strange thing for a random grunt to be called.
Elven Brutality: 115
Linguistic Confusion: 50 (Ernie?)
Mixed-up Mythos: 128 (it’s probably not impossible for a Gondorian to be blond, but unusual enough I’ll still give it a point, especially since I’m not feeling generous to Yeskov right now.)
Havaktri: Kumai tries to fight back, but the guards all gang up on him and start beating him, poor man. Finally, the chief overseer shows up and orders the rest to back off to spare Kumai’s life, though his reasons are… less than altruistic. See, the deal here’s like this: if this animal kicks the bucket right here, then he’ll have to thadeal with the master of the works (a major asshole), but if it happens later, in the barracks, then it’s gonna be a ‘natural loss’ and no questions asked … *looking queasy* Oh, well. That’s… pleasant. Even the Inspired are usually tidier than this when it comes to just making inconvenient people “disappear” … but Kumai gets hauled back to the barracks, where his fellow prisoners are sure he’s not long for this world, and think he’s used up the luck that let him survive the Pelennor Fields (luck is finite? How disturbing!). We then flash back to the battle (not again!) where we learn that Kumai was the leader of a squad of siege engineers in the South Army when the Rohirrim’s charge broke through their ranks. Apparently, Kumai rallied his men in destroying their engines before they could be captured by the enemy, when he ran right into the front rank of the Rohirrim. The mounted warriors treated the suddenly appearing lonely Mordorian without due respect, and paid for it. Kumai was strong even by Trollish standards (once at a student party he had walked a window ledge with dead-drunk Haladdin slumped in an armchair held in his outstretched arms), so his weapon of choice right then was a large wagon shaft that came to hand. Only one of the four riders managed to back off in time; the rest fell where they met that monstrous spinner. Now, while I have little experience with cavalry, from what I’ve heard, a lone man meeting a cavalry charge on foot seems unlikely to have that good of a time of it. But more Rohirrim arrive, and Kumai calls back to his men to finish destroying their catapults before turning back to challenge the Rohirrim to battle.
And, indeed, this draws out one of the Rohirrim officers to meet him. The rank parted, and a few seconds later a dismounted warrior wearing the white plumage of a cornet stood before him: “Are you ready, fair sir?” Kumai grabbed the pole by the middle, made a quick forward lunge – and found the Rohir less than two yards away; the only thing that saved the Troll was that the light Rohan blade could not cut through the pole which took the brunt of the blow. The engineer hastily backed inside the park, trying to gain precious seconds, but was unable to break away: the cornet was fleet as a ferret, and Kumai’s chances with his clumsy weapon were about zero in close quarters. “Fire and run like hell!” he yelled, seeing clearly that he himself was finished. Indeed, the next moment the world exploded in a white flash of blinding pain and instantly faded into comforting darkness. The cornet’s blow split his helmet clean apart, so he never saw how the very next second everything around him turned into a sea of flames – his people did manage to finish the job… So, at least he managed that? And so, the officer, respecting Kumai’s courage, took him alive and was sufficiently impressed to want to know his name. I might think this the beginning of a heartwarming tale of friendship and redemption… but, alas, I know where this ends, and that it is not to be. Kumai came to only three days later in a Rohani hospital tent, lying side by side with the three riders he had felled; the steppe warriors made no distinction between the wounded and treated them all equally. Unfortunately, in this case it meant ‘equally bad:’ the engineer’s head was in sorry shape, but the only medicine he got during that time was a skin of wine brought by Cornet Jorgen who had captured him. The, ah, “cornet” wanted to keep Kumai alive, and hoped to fight him again under fairer circumstances, However, a week later the Rohirrim left on the Mordorian campaign, to win the crown of the Reunited Kingdom for Aragorn, and that same day Kumai and all the other wounded prisoners were sent to the Mindolluin quarry. Unlike the backward Rohan, Gondor was already a civilized country … That doesn’t sound very civilized to me…
Age of Anachronisms: 67 (we’ve discussed this before, but “cornet” is the cavalry equivalent of “ensign,” a rank that didn’t come into existence until well after the time periods LotR is based on, and which doesn’t make sense with the feudal-based military system the Rohirrim have)
The Dung Ages: 58 (one point for the general backwardness of everyone, one point for how you can practically hear the scare quotes around “civilized”)
Elven Brutality: 116
Linguistic Confusion: 51 (“Jorgen” is a Scandinavian name, not an Old English one)
Havaktri: Kumai isn’t quite sure how he survived his first few days in the mines with his injuries, unless it’s pure stubbornness. He also knows enough about mining to know that the Mindolluin quarry is not being run for the purpose of efficiency, but to slowly kill off its work force (is… is there any reason why Gondor didn’t just have all Mordorian prisoners executed already, if they weren’t planning to use them for productive labor?). The daily food-to-production-quota ratio for Mordorian prisoners was such as to be bald-faced ‘killing on an installment plan.’ Quite aside from being horribly immoral, this really does seem like quite a lot of time and resources to waste on killing people slowly… is there some deeper purpose here that I’m missing, perhaps? Or is everyone just very bad at this? After a few weeks of this, however, an Elvish inspection team swooped in. What shame, what barbarity! those folks carried on. Isn’t it obvious that these people are capable of a lot more than driving wheel-barrows? There are plenty of experts in all kinds of trades here – take them and use them properly, damn it! The Gondorian bosses scratched their heads abashedly: “our bad, your eminences!” and conducted a skill survey right away. As a result, a few dozen lucky ones traded the hell of Mindolluin for work in their chosen fields, leaving the quarry forever. Considering what Yeskov’s elves are like, I somehow doubt this was from the goodness of their hearts… and indeed, Kumai keeps quiet, as he doesn’t trust the elves, and also because he doesn’t want to assist the enemy more than he has to. Kumai did not think it proper to buy his life by building heavier-than-air aircraft for the enemy (that being his trade): some things are not to be done because they must not be done, period. Beg pardon, but was Kumai not a siege engineer? As in someone who builds, operates and maintains siege engines? Wouldn’t that be an entirely different job than… whatever you call someone who makes flying craft? I think someone here is very confused, and I don’t think it’s me… And so, the only way out of Mindolluin Kumai can see is through escape, but he can’t figure out how to manage it, and between the poor diet and hard labor he’s becoming increasingly apathetic, were it not for Mbanga, the One rest his soul, who managed to slam the door on his way out so spectacularly as to also solve all of Kumai’s problems once and for all. Oh, so, in the end Mbanga’s life and death mattered because it inspired Kumai! *beat* I don’t think that’s right, do you? Shouldn’t Mbanga have mattered for himself? Regardless, the chapter ends here. My, that was quite short, wasn’t it?
Age of Anachronisms: 68 (“our bad?” Seriously?)
Elven Brutality: 118
Mordor the Magnificent: 63 (for the reminder that this fic’s version of the fell beasts aren’t living creatures but actual, mechanical aircraft)
Chapter Thirty-Five
Havaktri: And so we find ourselves with Kumai, recovering (or not…) from his beating in the barracks as a stranger suddenly appears (how many strangers are there in a prison camp? Wouldn’t the guards have noticed? Or was he never there at all?). He was wiry and quick of movement, his swarthy Southerner’s face marked by decisiveness – most likely an officer off an Umbarian privateer who by a quirk of fate wound up at Mindolluin rather than dangling off the yardarm of a royal galley. I’m still confused as to how this person nobody knows arrived in a closed environment like a prison without anyone noticing him…
MG: And I’d just like to note that word, privateer. A privateer isn’t just a fancy word for pirate – unlike a pirate, a privateer is essentially licensed, having a Letter of Marque from their government authorizing them to target enemy ships in times of war. And, on the one hand, that’s probably not a bad word for what the Corsairs of Umbar are (since they usually seem to be acting on behalf of Umbar as a state, not independently) but on the other hand… well, we’ll get into more detail about this next time, but Yeskov is going to be trying to depict Umbar as having been a mostly neutral power, unfairly slandered as a pirate haven by those nasty Gondorians. But if Umbar was actually employing privateers against Gondor, to such an extent that one would plausibly end up in a top-security POW camp… well, that doesn’t exactly sound very “neutral,” does it?
Not So Magnificent: 33 (Umbar the “peaceful trading port” uses privateers?)
Havaktri: I wouldn’t think so, no? But the new arrival, who the others nickname Pirate – not very imaginative, are they? – notes that Kumai’s condition is grave and that without help he’s probably a goner, and then returns out of nowhere with some ointment, which he rubs all over his wounds, and by the next morning, he’s begun to heal! How miraculous! When he’s feeling better, Kumai asks “Pirate” why he used what must be such a valuable medicine on him, someone he barely knows, and Pirate in turn wonders why an engineer like Kumai is still here when he could have gotten a comfortable job designing mechanisms in Minas Tirith. Kumai grunted: “It’s the simple wisdom of prostitutes I’ve followed all my life: don’t hustle while under a customer …” and cut himself short when it suddenly occurred to him: how does this guy know about my trade when I’ve told no one about it and had concealed it during that ‘skill survey’? Well, that’s certainly an… earthy phrase. Though I fail to see its relevance here, unless Kumai is comparing being a prisoner of war being worked to death to being a sex worker? Those seem quite different to me… though if they are alike, I think I’m better off not knowing why… Pirate then explains that the skilled craftsmen who took up the elves’ offer are already dead, because why wouldn’t they be, and he knows because he’s the gravedigger. Beg pardon, but what exactly is the point of separating all the craftsmen from the rest of the prisoners and then taking them somewhere else to kill them? I fear this sort of… needlessly convoluted depravity escapes me. Kumai digested this in silence for some time. The most horrible thing was his first thought: good riddance! And then: my God, whom did I turn into here? *stunned* Well, that was certainly… shocking. Though at least Kumai realizes it? And perhaps if I’d known him before and had some idea of how “this place” has changed him, I might care?
The Dung Ages: 59 (I feel like the prostitution metaphor ought to go somewhere and this feels like the best place)
Elven Brutality: 119
Havaktri: And so, Pirate reveals that he’s been sent by “the Motherland” to get Kumai out; Kumai literally asks what Motherland? And Pirate asks if he has more than one. Ah, maybe he does? Speaking for myself, I was born in Breland, but my heritage is Adaran… and we’ve had it stressed before that the Trolls have their own culture entirely distinct from Mordor’s. Maybe he does think of himself as a Troll, and citizen of whatever Trollish city he hails from, first and a Mordorian second, and he’s trying to figure out which of those groups sent you? Have you thought of that? Kumai is stunned that Mordor would sacrifice anyone to get him out – wait, who is getting sacrificed? Did we hear about that? Was it the other craftsmen? Mbanga? I thought those were unrelated, but maybe I was wrong! “We are following orders,” Pirate answered drily, “and it’s not for us to decide what is more important to Mordor: a spy network that took years to build or a certain Engineer Second Class.” *quietly* I wonder if anyone has told Pirate – or Kumai – that “just following orders” can be used to justify a great many terrible things. My people learned that long ago… Pirate explains that Kumai doesn’t need to know his real name, that the escape will begin momentarily – oh my, that was fast! – and that Kumai will be smuggled out disguised as a corpse. Though Pirate is quick to clarify, alas, that all the other craftsmen really were killed. That was Elvish work, there was nothing we could do … Anyway: you will now drink from this bottle and ‘die,’ to all appearances, for about twelve hours; after what happened to you yesterday, no one will be the wiser. The rest is technical details that do not concern you. Kumai thinks it really does concern him – I have to agree – and so Pirate clarifies that the less he knows, the better he’ll feel. And so, Kumai takes the offered drug, and goes out.
Kumai never found out what happened later to his ‘corpse’ (six beats per minute thready pulse, no visible reactions). Nor was there any reason for him to learn how he rode the corpse cart under a pile of dead bodies, or how he lay in the nearby abandoned quarry under a layer of gravel, awaiting transport. He came to in total darkness; everything’s in order – if Pirate was right about the twelve hours, it should be night now. Where am I? A stable, to judge by the smell … And so, Kumai comes to, with us having missed his escape entirely, alas, to be greeted by the voice of someone who only identifies himself as the “Superintendent.” The Superintendent assures Kumai that Pirate is fine, and that he wants Kumai to build weapons for him. Kumai is surprised, as that’s not his specialty – beg pardon, but you were building, maintaining and operating siege engines, no? Is your specialty something else? Can we hear about that instead? The Superintendent tells Kumai that this is what HQ wants of him and asks if he’s questioning them, and when he says he’s not, he’s assured he’ll be working under the Jageddin. Oh, my? Is this another famous person I’ve never heard of? How odd. They do seem to be coming out of nowhere, don’t they? Almost like they never existed before they were needed… Apparently “Jagedidn” has a whole team working, and Kumai will need to be sent there, especially since he’ll soon be a wanted man, as you’ve seen, the Elves are very thorough. So, I suppose they didn’t do a very good job of faking Kumai’s death, then? Perhaps the elves think he spontaneously reanimated? Kumai asks if he’ll be staying in Gondor, and the Superintendent says no. To be honest, it’s tempting to hide you in Gondor, nor would it be too difficult in any other time. We were working on this option, but had to abandon it. The thing is, right now the King and the Queen are jockeying for position in Minas Tirith; both have their own secret services which spy on each other, so it would be real easy to attract their attention purely by accident. So, unfortunately, no local option for us. But the world is not limited to Gondor and Mordor … By the way, were it the Reunited Kingdom trying to use you surrepticiously, they would most likely have sent you to Mordor: between them, the army and the counter-intelligence service of the victorious nation could have set up an ‘ivory tower’ for you bar none. Do you agree?” Ah, I would, but… I think I’ve entirely lost the train of this conversation? Perhaps I’ll get back on later?
Age of Anachronisms: 71 (HQ? Superintendent?)
Elven Brutality: 121
Mordor the Magnificent: 64
Not So Magnificent: 34
Spies Like Us: 58
Havaktri: Kumai asks if it’s obvious on his “phiz” and the Superintendent says it must be, though he can’t see Kumai’s “phiz” in the dark. What even is “phiz?” I don’t know, and all the possibilities sound awful! *beat* Oh, apparently it means “face.” Then why not say that? The Superintendent tells Kumai that he’ll worry about what needs to be done, and Kumai just needs to worry about how to do it. “Don’t worry about it. As long as we’re on the subject: the people you’ll be working with at that ‘university’ got there in a variety of ways; many are your good friends. You can discuss anything your heart desires with them – student parties, news of the Resistance, philosophy – anything but the story of how you got there. Loose talk on the subject can cost a lot of people their lives – both my colleagues, like our mutual friend in Mindolluin, and your colleagues still in the hands of the enemy. I say this with utmost seriousness and responsibility. Do you understand, Engineer Second Class?” Oh, dear. That sounds serious, doesn’t it? Kumai says he understands, and the scene ends there.
Age of Anachronisms: 72 (I’m going to give a point here for “phiz”)
Spies Like Us: 60
Havaktri: And so, we cut to our “friend” Cheetah, as he congratulates someone else named “Mongoose” that Operation Mockingbird is a job well done, and he’s rescued six people so far. The last man I’ve watched – engineer Kumai, number thirty-six on our list, designer of mechanical dragons – got into a stupid mess the day before the planned escape. The local warders turned him into chopped liver, and I had to fix him up real fast; to be honest, first I thought that there was no hope. I did save and extract him, but this completely exposed me: the snitches reported the healing, and … In other words, your boys from the backup team showed up just in time.” Oh, so this was all what is called a false flag, I think? Not that anyone here is using flags… Cheetah isn’t very happy about how all this turned out, though (maybe he thinks they should have had flags?). Two dead, three wounded, Her Majesty’s entire Secret Service is frantically looking for a Mordorian spy: a swarthy man with small scars around the mouth. Meanwhile, the police is searching for an escaped convict of the same description … I think, Lieutenant, that it’s high time you changed climates; get packing to go South, to work in Umbar.” So, is Mongoose one of the Secret Guard, then? He sounds remarkably lively, for a dead man. Does that mean Cheetah himself was the Superintendent, or was that someone else? Anyway, Cheetah suspects that Faramir has sent Tangorn to Umbar to look for skilled Mordorian experts who’ve taken refuge there, and he wants Mongoose to capture him and find out what he knows and what he’s doing. “May I treat him harshly to obtain this information?” “It won’t work in any other way; judging by this dossier, the baron is not the kind to buy his life with the secrets he’s been trusted with. In any case he’ll have to be disposed of after the interrogation, since we’re formally allied with Ithilien, so this whole story must not become known.” I, ah, think Ithilien is one of your own provinces? Why are you “allied” with one of your own provinces? Do you even know how your own government works? That might explain some things…
Cheetah explains that Tangorn may not yet know he’s being hunted, and may even stay openly in a hotel, which gives Mongoose an advantage. Considering the sensitivity of his mission, shouldn’t Tangorn be expecting to be opposed? And shouldn’t you expect him to expect that, just to be safe? If I can see it, surely Cheetah can… Mongoose is told he’ll have to operate independently, though he’ll be given some troops reporting to him (so apparently he’ll be independent from his superiors, not independent as in alone… unless his new subordinates are poorly-made constructs…) Mongoose assures Cheetah he won’t “spook’ Tangorn, and Cheetah tells him he’d better not, since if he does he won’t be able to ask the local station (station? All I can picture is a lightning rail station, and now I’m very confused…) for help. “Because we have information that the Elves are very active in Umbar and there’s a strong pro-Elvish underground there. Under no circumstances may Lórien find out about your operation – this is the strictest order – and I’m concerned with leaks: our people are in the shortest supply, and, regrettably, all the resident spies in Umbar are regular people …” Cheetah hesitated a little and finished in a humdrum sort of tone: “You will carry a Form r mandate, just in case.” I… beg your pardon? Also, of course it’s the elves, though at least they’re ruining everyone’s efforts now, regardless of which side they’re on? How very egalitarian of them. Mongoose is left stunned by his “mandate.” So this is what ‘His Majesty considers this operation to be of exceptional importance’ means! A r mandate allowed a member of the Secret Service to act in the name of the King. In overseas operations this can be necessary for only two reasons: to give a direct order to the ambassador, or to depose (or eliminate on the spot) the local station chief … Ah, maybe? I would think that being able to act with the king’s direct authority could be used for many things other than those two, but perhaps I’m mistaken? But if I am, we won’t find out any time soon, because this is the end not only of the chapter, but also of Part II.
MG: And if I may say, these last two chapters are such an odd note to end the Part on in the first place. They have nothing to do with anything that’s been going on in it, save for the vague connection to Tangorn at the end. Kumai won’t end up being relevant until Part IV, and I’m really not sure what the point of introducing him here was (or having his Great Escape plot in the first place, when he probably could have been introduced at the place he’s going to be ending up at without having been captured at all, and saved us all a lot of trouble). And it just feels like it trails off into nothing, not like an ending that actually marks the conclusion of a major section of the story. Really, it’s mostly to set up the next Part. And speaking of, we’ll indeed be starting Part III: The Umbarian Gambit next time! Which seems to be considered, based on the reviews I’ve peeked at, to be either the best or the worst part of the fic. On the one hand, Umbar gives Yeskov the chance to do some original worldbuilding without stepping on Tolkien’s toes too much, as well as the chance to indulge his spy-fiction fetish in a context where it actually makes some sense. On the other hand, the Part is far, far longer than it needs to be considering its relevance (or lack thereof) to the overall plot, and Yeskov’s Umbar happily ignores everything actually interesting about Tolkien’s Umbar to do its own, unrelated thing (maybe it’s just me, but when you’ve got Umbarians actively claiming to have never heard of Numenor and to not care about it, you have a problem). But we’ll get to that next time. We’ll see you then! Our counts stand at:
Age of Anachronisms: 76 (among other things, the way the spy stuff is discussed this chapter feels especially modern and anachronistic. Also, Middle-earth has inns, not hotels)
The Dung Ages: 59
Elven Brutality: 122
Linguistic Confusion: 50
Mixed-up Mythos: 127
Mordor the Magnificent: 65
Not So Magnificent: 34
Spies Like Us: 66
Take That, Tolkien!:40
