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masterghandalfThis is a crosspost from Das_Sporking2. Previous installments of this spork may be found here.
Warning: This post contains deaths, including a suicide.
MG: Well, everyone, it’s time to continue our journey through Kirill Yeskov’s The Last Ringbearer! Last time, Grizzly and his people escaped from Dol Guldur ahead of Galadriel’s army, but it all proved to be for nothing when Aragorn decided to throw Task Force Feanor under the proverbial bus anyway, and they all ended up apparently dying (including Cheetah, who rode out there just for the occasion). Today, it’s time to return to Lorien as we continue following the machinations of the Star Council (yay…) in preparation for our actual climax, coming next time. Joining us once again will be Havaktri!
Chapter Sixty-Five
Havaktri: And so, we open in Lorien on August 1st, which I believe places us one day after the events of the last two chapters. They have gathered in the Blue Hall of the Galadhon Palace at the crack of dawn at the insistence of the clofoel of Stars. Oh, the Blue Hall! How lovely! Is there anything special about it other than it being blue? Oh, does the palace have a different room for every color? How delightful! The morning felt like fall: crisp and cold like water in a forest spring, so the chills that afflicted Eornis (invisibly to anyone else) may have been due to that; at least that was what she wanted to believe. What is the Mistress of the Stars up to? Great Eru, what if her dancers had found the palantír? No, that’s impossible, but what if they’ve figured out where it is? In the meantime, the main problem – how to get to the Mirror, closely guarded by clofoel of Might’s men, today at noon – remains unsolved, and I am still bereft of ideas. Well, considering that if you can’t manage it, the story might as well end right here, I’m sure you’ll think of something! It has been clear to everyone for the past week that they had to look for a physical object after all (the possibility of swamp fire or another magical emanation, suggested by the clofoel of the World, has been duly checked and found untrue), and a methodical search began. Ah, dare I ask how it was proven untrue? If something didn’t leave a physical trace, then by definition it would be almost impossible to prove it didn’t happen – and if they were searching for effects of magic, why didn’t it turn up the palantir? *in a hushed voice* I’m starting to wonder if these elves are actually any good at their jobs…
We then get a bit more insight. When it is said that the dancers of the clofoel of Stars ‘sniff out magic,’ it is a fairly accurate metaphor: they do work like sniffing dogs. So… have the dancers been going around with their noses to the ground, then? How curious… and also, rather degrading! Throughout the last few days the girls have been walking around Caras Galadhon in a trance, feeling the air with outstretched palms, as if hunting a bird hiding in the fallen leaves or playing a game of ‘hot-cold.’ So far it was ‘cold’ – the magical object was somewhere very close but beyond their reach. Beg pardon, but that doesn’t sound like sniffing to me. And is there any reason why the “dancers” are all girls? I wasn’t aware elven magic was gendered; does Yeskov simply have a hard time imagining men dancing? If so, I should like to take him to my monastery and let him watch some of our young men practicing the Path of Shadows – it might be helpful! That was as Eornis expected: she had been much more concerned with the Guards of the clofoel of Tranquility and their banal police methods than with the dancers’ magic. But of course – when seeking out magic, you always want ‘banal’ methods instead of leaving things to the actual specialists in finding magic! Why didn’t I think of that?
Mixed-up Mythos: 193 (Galadriel and Celeborn live in a house – albeit a large one – not a palace; this sort of ‘magical sensing’ isn’t really a thing in Middle-earth, both because the elves tend to treat their magic more as an aspect of how they interact with the world and less as a discrete power they have, and how much of Middle-earth’s history hinges on lost magical objects; no, there’s no reason for the ‘dancers’ to be all one gender)
Spies Like Us: 289 (“banal police methods” are apparently better for gathering intelligence than actual magic)
Havaktri: However, we learn that the real danger to Eornis is actually from the Clofoel of Might, who Galadriel left in charge when she went to war a few chapters ago; the old battleaxe, who never played his own games, was the only member of the Council she could really trust. Apparently, he’s had his own guards take over the palace in Galadriel’s absence, and they’re not letting the other Clofoels in without orders; he eventually gives them, but it makes sure everyone knows he’s in charge. And, since Galadriel had forbidden the Clofoel of Stars from using her Mirror while she was away, he simply barred all clofoels from the Moon Tower where the magical crystal was kept – “can’t overdo a good thing.” Which honestly… seems perfectly sensible? Except that Eornis knows that if she can’t get to the Mirror on time, she won’t be able to save her son (or, rather, Haladdin won’t be able to carry out his plan, which Eornis has been tricked into inadvertently helping with by dangling the promise of saving her son in front of her… I don’t think our ‘heroes’ are very nice people, are they?). We then cut to the Star Council meeting, which is not a script this time, which makes our previous detours into script format all the more baffling. Perhaps Galadriel herself was writing everything down, and with her no longer here, no one is? Maybe she wanted to put on a play about it later… Eornis asks the Clofoel of Stars how her search is going, and the other woman admits it’s not going well. She also looks ill and haggard, which disturbs Eornis. The Clofoel of Stars doesn’t want to bother the rest of the Council with the technical details, but For about a week now the dancers and I have been feeling strange pulsations in the Mirror’s magic field. First it was a light tremor, then it turned into real convulsions, and last night those convulsions assumed a definite and highly unpleasant rhythm … Do none of you feel anything?” Well, you are the only one trained for this, so… maybe they really haven’t?
The Clofoel of Memory, who I don’t believe we’ve met before, suddenly breaks in to say that she feels it but hadn’t realized what was causing it, which stuns everyone else at the meeting, since she’s one of the less powerful clofoels who don’t usually interrupt discussions between the Big Four. Eornis herself is… not impressed. How would you ever know that, you timid mouse, Eornis thought irritably. What do you know but your dusty Beleriand scrolls and stupid sagas? But I – how did I fail to connect all those vibrations with the Mirror? So that’s where my chills come from … The question is – do I acknowledge this fact and thereby assist that Star bitch? … Yes, and I should go even further, in fact. Hmmm; I think Eornis may be a bit on edge today… perhaps she should drink some calming tea and meditate for a bit? It always helps me… Instead of saying what she’s thinking, Eornis praises the Clofoel of Memory’s courage in speaking up and describes what they’re feeling as an unnatural fear; the Clofoel of Might isn’t impressed either. “Maybe some girls feel strong irrational fear, but I personally fear not a damn thing, clofoel of the World! So don’t you go around saying …” *she sighs* And of course we’re not meant to like him, so we must establish him as sexist and stupid (though the sexism, alas, seems far too common in this story…). The Clofoel of Stars rather sarcastically thanks him for his opinion, but she and the rest of the council agree with Eornis. The thing is that the Mirror … how should I explain this … it is somewhat alive. The pulsating rhythm it is now creating and we are feeling is well-known in magic: it is the rhythm of labor pains, but in reverse. It is a horrible thing. The Mirror is anticipating its demise and our World’s with it … It is anticipating, and trying to reach out to us, do you see? And the stars over Lórien seem to have gone mad …” Just the stars over Lorien? Astronomers in Middle-earth must be very confused! And, I’m not an expert in this kind of magic, but… I’m not sure that checks out? Is the good Clofoel just making things up? Oh, the shame!
MG: And I must say, it’s a bit weird to dismiss the Clofoel of Memory’s responsibilities as “dusty scrolls and stupid sagas” when Middle-earth elves are immortal, and that holds true even in TLR. Now, with everything else Yeskov’s already changed, we have no real idea what actually happened in Beleriand in the First Age in TLR!verse, but for the elves as a people, it should still be in living memory, with repercussions that continue to shape their culture and politics – that should be a very important job, not a minor, easily dismissed one!
Age of Anachronisms: 174 (it’s not terrible, but “the Big Four” as a reference to government officials feels a bit off)
Elven Brutality: 206 (more backstabby elven politics; also, apparently the Clofoel of Might is sexist, despite also being blindly loyal to a female sovereign)
Mixed-up Mythos: 196 (the Mirror – which once again, is not a crystal of any size – is located in Galadriel’s garden, not in a tower; while precognitive abilities certainly exist in Middle-earth, and some elves have them, what the Clofoel of Stars is describing doesn’t seem to fit in with Middle-earth magic – the Rings of Power didn’t react that way when the One Ring was about to be destroyed, and the Mirror only shows possible futures. This just feels like Yeskov clumsily foreshadowing that Haladdin’s victory is imminent.)
Take That, Tolkien!: 54 (those “dusty Beleriand scrolls and stupid sagas” would be the same material that composes The Silmarillion – aka Tolkien’s life’s work; it’s hard not to see this as a dig at him)
Havaktri: The Clofoel of Tranquility wonders if this is related to the magical artifact they can’t find, and the Clofoel of Stars thinks it could be; and then “Wait, what does this mean – the demise of our World?” That was Lord Celeborn; imagine, the man actually woke up! Ah, but of course – we have to be reminded that Celeborn is useless, even when he’s asking what seems like a very important question! The Clofoel of Stars confirms she means the literal destruction of the elves, and Celeborn is understandably terrified. “Then do something! Clofoel of Stars! You, too, clofoel of Tranquility! I … I order you as your Lord!” What would we ever do without your orders, o precious liege – that was what showed clearly on the faces of the Big Four. *she sighs* Oh, poor Celeborn – it isn’t your fault that your current author decided he hates you for being overshadowed by your wife! You don’t deserve this treatment… The Clofoel of Stars says the first thing she has to do is look in the Mirror, and Celeborn immediately gives his permission. However, just then a figure clad in shining armor, its size and delicacy of features resembling those of the stone idols guarding lower Anduin, loomed over the table. While Eornis wondered idly whether the clofoel of Might ever took off his helmet and mithril mail (to make love, say). Ah, I presume he would, not that I’m an expert in such matters… but perhaps he’s celibate? the man informed them of his opinion of cowards and civvies – which are really one and the same to him! – in plain soldier’s language. He, for one, feels no such ominous rhythms, and how would the clofoel of Stars and her dancers know this childbirth rhythm, anyway? Aren’t they supposed to be virgins? Does… does the good Clofoel know that by ‘childbirth rhythm’ they’re likely speaking metaphorically, not literally? Unless the Mirror literally is about to give birth, which just raises even more questions… and why do the dancers have to be virgins, anyway? I wouldn’t think it would matter one way or the other… I mean, Galadriel is married and had a daughter, and therefore presumably isn’t a virgin, and she’s one of the most powerful magic-users in Middle-earth, isn’t she?
However, the real reason that the Clofoel of Might has gotten up is to remind everyone he has a direct order from Galadriel herself to keep the Clofoel of Stars away from the Mirror, and if anyone wants to challenge that, he’ll count it as treason. He rather pointedly asks Celeborn his opinion again in light of that, and “Yes, yes,” mumbled the Lord of Lórien (obviously the inescapable wrath of the Lady scared him a lot more than any hypothetical end of the world), “let’s wait for her return from the Dol Guldur expedition …” *she sighs* Oh, Celeborn, poor Celeborn… what has Yeskov done to you… and this does not seem to be a very healthy marriage, and makes me wonder why Galadriel hasn’t married the Clofoel of Might instead… Suddenly, to everyone else’s surprise, the Clofoel of Memory speaks up again. “Our world is already sliding into the abyss, the only one who has any chance of saving it is the clofoel of Stars, and this idiot of the shining helmet is standing on an order received in times immemorial! All right, can’t blame a man with a bronze lump for brains, but you all – Great Eru, can’t you rise above your petty intrigues even now, on the eve of destruction?!” Now, I beg your pardon, but Galadriel gave that order last week – hardly “time immemorial” unless the Clofoel of Memory is sadly misnamed! Nonetheless, Eornis realizes that the Clofoel of Memory has spoken what everyone else is thinking – the Clofoel of Might has too and is so enraged he tosses his chair aside and is about to leap across the table, when he’s suddenly interrupted by the Clofoel of Tranquility, hand on the hilt of his sword and a smile fit to freeze the Eternal Fire on his lips.
MG: Now, per the endnotes, “Idiot of the shining helmet” – a reference to Hector’s description in Homer’s Iliad. Which just makes me wonder what Yeskov has against Hector, who is usually considered one of the more sympathetic characters in the Iliad!
Age of Anachronisms: 176 (“cowards and civvies” implies a firm cultural division between military and civilians, which most places in Middle-earth don’t seem to have; also, how does the Clofoel of Memory know to make a literary allusion to the Iliad?)
The Dung Ages: 92 (for making the Argonath “idols” of unknown origin rather than Gondorian statues)
Elven Brutality: 209 (one point for the overall politicking and its descent into violence, one point for Galadriel being scary, one point for Celeborn being pathetic)
Mixed-up Mythos: 197 (the statues at the Argonath aren’t “idols”; they were built by Gondor at the time of their greatest power, to mark their then-current borders and commemorate their foundering kings, the brothers Isildur and Anarion; of course, considering Yeskov’s determination to not let Gondor have nice things and to cut out most of their history, who knows who built the Arhonath or why in TLR!verse)
Havaktri: Well, Celeborn is left caught between the two angry Clofoels, ineffectively mumbling for them to stop, and by il-Yannah, this entire sequence is filling me with so much secondhand embarrassment for the poor man! Finally, Eornis speaks up, having conceived a plan which will solve everyone’s problems, including her own. Apparently, as Eornis is known as one of Galadriel’s stronger supporters, the Clofoel of Might is willing to hear her out, so she lays out her plan. “The radiant Lady did mention – in passing and half-jokingly – that the clofoel of Stars should not preen before her Mirror. However, she had imposed no restrictions on the other clofoels’ access to the crystal. Do you agree, esteemed clofoel of Might?” That… seems very much like a technicality, and since the Clofoel of Might was the one who decided Galadriel’s order meant no one should be allowed to use the Mirror, I wouldn’t expect him to be sympathetic to it… but as it turns out, he does agree! Maybe he's as tired of this argument as I am… “You see? It’s settled, then: by the will of the Council I will ascend the Moon Tower. Of course, my magical abilities can’t even be compared to the talents of the esteemed clofoel of Stars, but I’m at least capable of comprehensively reporting the Mirror’s condition to her.”
The Clofoel of Stars says it’s dangerous to look in the Mirror without protection – I don’t think that’s true? – and Eornis says she’s not going to do that; my selflessness doesn’t go that far… As far as I know, the radiant Lady uses Lórien’s human visitors for this purpose; they are mortal anyway, sooner or later. We happen to have one handy – that flying Troll. I hope he hasn’t been liquidated yet, has he, esteemed clofoel of Tranquility?” Oh, and so that’s where poor Kumai is going to get involved? I’m not sure why Eornis needs him, since she’s not planning to use the Mirror for either her own plans (which just require her to show it to the person on the other end of the Palantir as proof she’s in Lorien) or the Council’s (which just require an update on the Mirror’s physical condition) but if I think hard enough, surely it will come to me! Apparently, after being interrogated, Kumai’s in a bad way; when the poor slob read his testimony, he totally fell apart – first tried to kill himself, then went catatonic. Oh, someone needs to help that poor man – preferably someone who knows what they’re doing, so not anyone in this story! Eornis doesn’t think that will be a problem (see what I mean!) but the Clofoel of Tranquility wants to go with her for her protection, in case Kumai turns violent. I would assume this is meant to be an example of elvish racism, but… a desperate man might do desperate things… Eornis rather sarcastically thanks the Clofoel of Tranquility for his concern, and he equally sarcastically accepts her thanks, and the chapter ends there.
MG: And before moving on to the next chapter… yeah, Yeskov seems to have completely changed how the Mirror works (along with everything else about it). For one, no, the Mirror’s not dangerous (unless you count the danger of seeing a possible bad future, trying to prevent it, and accidentally bringing it about, something Galadriel warns the hobbits to be wary of, but is a more subtle and insidious danger than what Yeskov seems to be referring to) and you don’t need any sort of “protection” to use it safely. And wow, the implication here is that Galadriel actively sacrifices her mortal “guests” by forcing them to look in the Mirror for her own benefit – cold, TLR!Galadriel! Also, kind of pointless, since the Mirror, when not directed towards something else, seems to show people visions that are relevant to them specifically – nothing Frodo or Sam saw in the Mirror, save for Frodo’s brief vision of the Eye of Sauron looking for him at the end (which Galadriel was already aware of, being sought by Sauron herself) was of particular benefit to her! But I guess we have to reiterate that the elves are eeevil, so Galadriel letting Frodo and Sam use her Mirror in canon had to have sinister reasons, even if they don’t make much sense! Sometimes this fic is really predictable.
Age of Anachronisms: 177 (talking about prisoners being “liquidated”)
Elven Brutality: 213 (for the overall backstabby politics, Galadriel forcing people to look into her Mirror for evil, and the elves’ treatment of Kumai)
Mixed-up Mythos: 199 (for more weirdness around how the Mirror works)
Spies Like Us: 291 (for Eornis’s overall duplicitousness and role in Haladdin’s scheme)
Chapter Sixty-Six
Havaktri: And so, we pick up shortly after we left off, with the elves and Kumai heading to the Mirror! The sun was already approaching its zenith when they have passed the guards of the clofoel of Might at the entrance to the Moon Tower. The narrow spiral staircase forced them to go single-file. The clofoel of Tranquility went first, easily taking every other step; of course, he was not at all afraid of the Troll following him and had not even handcuffed him, relying on a Web spell instead. A…what now? I beg your pardon? Did the Clofoel perhaps summon a spider to web Kumai’s hands together? That… would be appropriately disturbing.
MG: More to the point, using magic as casually as a “web spell” to bind a prisoner’s hands doesn’t seem to fit into Middle-earth; from canon, we know that elves (including the Galadhrim!) are perfectly fine with using mundane bindings or blindfolds.
Havaktri: …as I suspected. Milady Eornis brought up the rear, thinking over the details of her plan for one last time. Yes, there’s a chance of success, but it’s really minuscule, and the most unpleasant part is that everything depends on a myriad of coincidences, rather than her own abilities. In any event, her long game with the clofoel of Tranquility had reached its end – only one of them will come out of this tower alive, and only chance will determine which one … Well, I would have to say, if your plan comes down completely to chance… perhaps you needed a better plan? Though it still seemingly hasn’t occurred to her that the unusually specific instructions she received for negotiating the return of her son might have served an ulterior purpose… The top chamber of the Moon Tower was a round room about ten yards in diameter, the Mirror its only furniture. The crystal was set in a mithril setting with curved legs a foot and a half long, so that the whole thing resembled a small table. Six lancet windows offered an excellent view of Caras Galadhon. It’s funny, Eornis reflected in passing, that this Troll is probably the only Man to ever see the real sight of the Elvish capital, but he won’t relate it to anyone. Those guests that we intend to release are never allowed beyond the talien next to Nimrodel, so those simpletons leave believing that we actually live on those perches … But… but… we had mention of the talan just a few chapters ago that imply the elves do live in them… and the Fellowship made it all the way to Caras Galadhon, far past the Nimrodel, and they were allowed to leave… and we know that Aragorn at least was here recently, presumably at the same time as in canon… perhaps Eornis doesn’t understand things as well as she thinks?
MG: Yeah, the elves of Lorien are called the Galadhrim, literally “tree-people” in Sindarin… because they live in the tress. *headdesk*
Elven Brutality: 215
Mixed-up Mythos: 202 (for the pointless change to Caras Galadhon, and to the location and housing of the Mirror, one for the web spell)
Spies Like Us: 293 (more elven intrigue)
Take That, Tolkien!: 55 (because I see no reason for changing Caras Galadhon other than to say Tolkien got it wrong)
Havaktri: Eornis tells the Clofoel of Tranquility to bring Kumai over, and then turns to examine the Mirror. The crystal was ink-black, the blackness lit up by pulses of scarlet light at regular intervals; it felt distinctly like the Mirror was emitting one endless silent scream of terror and pain. Maybe it’s not good for it to be close to a palantír? she wondered belatedly. Whatever, can’t change anything at this point. Please endure this a bit longer, she thought at the Mirror; this will all be over in a few minutes. As if in response, the crystal almost exploded from inside with a singularly powerful scarlet flash which for some reason reminded her of the Eternal Fire … I…don’t think it should be doing that? I am not an expert in this sort of magic, but it just feels like this exists solely to signal the elves’ immanent doom rather than for any actual reason… The thought came and went as other matters occupied her attention: the clofoel of Tranquility had apparently noticed (felt, to be precise) that the room was not as empty as it seemed. According to her plan, that was exactly what he was supposed to do, without any prompting from her. Imagine the irony of relying on one’s mortal enemy’s intuition and professionalism! Well, that certainly seems fortuitous… though I don’t think you should rely on the Clofoel’s intuition too much, lest he realize that all is not as it seems – what a dreadful tightrope to walk!
The Clofoel looks around the room but finds nothing. It’s useless to search for anything magically here – the Mirror generates a magical field of such intensity as to drown those of all other objects. I’m… not sure it should work that way? And then suddenly and without warning, we are in the Clofoel of Tranqulity’s perspective, how disorienting! A totally empty room and a low ‘table’ on thin legs … Could I have hidden an object here, a small one? Yes, I could have … sure I could! Wait – a small object? What did the Troll say? “About the size of a child’s head!” So that’s why you wanted to get up to the Mirror! He announces he’s arresting Eornis for treason – that was certainly fast! – and they stand facing each other before he orders her to disarm. “Unclip the dagger from your belt … now the stiletto in your left sleeve … Kick them away with your foot! Now, we’ll talk. The magic object that Star fool’s dancers can’t find is attached to the bottom of the ‘table,’ right? One has to drop on all fours before the Mirror to see it – surely no one will think of that. It’s impossible to find it magically – the dancers are like a dog that has to find a perfumed handkerchief hidden in a sack of crushed pepper. An excellent idea, my compliments! By the way, what is it?” Ah, “attached” how? Did she glue it under there? That must have taken a lot of work – and been very messy! I’m not sure that Palantir will ever be clean again! And when did she even have time to do it!
MG: Now, in canon, we do have precedent for extremely powerful magic drowning out less powerful – Sam can’t use Galadriel’s Phial inside Mount Doom, because Sauron’s powers are too strongly concentrated there and all other magics are suppressed. On the other hand, that implies that to produce a similar effect, the Mirror is about as powerful as Orodruin itself, which seems… implausible. But I do have to say, the mental image of Eornis hiding under the table, painstakingly attaching the Palantir with a bottle of Gorilla Glue while desperately hoping nobody walks in on her is rather amusing, so thank you, Havaktri.
Elven Brutality: 216
Mixed-up Mythos: 205 (Yeskov’s take on the Mirror is still nothing like Tolkien’s…)
Spies Like Us: 295
Havaktri: Eornis dejectedly says the object in question is a Palantir; the Clofoel wonders if she got it from the Enemy but she corrects him that it’s from Aragorn. The Clofoel is taken aback, and Eornis says he wasn’t the only one to talk to Aragorn in private when he visited (so he did visit Caras Galadhon!) and the Clofoel’s own plans for alliance with Aragorn will fall through if he hurts her. The Clofoel isn’t convinced; the fewer one’s allies, the more valuable they become, so he’s not going anywhere. You, however, can look forward to a real education under the Mound: the boys there are quite creative, and I’ll make sure you won’t die too quickly. That’s… rather horrible, isn’t it? But Eornis says he can’t arrest her without proof of her treason, and to get that he’ll have to show Galadriel the Palantir, which he won’t want to do; she offers to become his agent instead. The Clofoel is done with talking and forces her to sit down, before asking if she attached the Palantir with magic. “No, just the sticky ankasar juice,” she replied, and then added pleadingly, staring at the wall: “Please listen to me …” Ha! It was glue! Though I’m unsure where gorillas come in…
The Clofoel yells at her to be quiet, but it turns out that while they’ve been talking, Eornis has been quietly working on unravelling the web spell binding Kumai (if the Clofoel had just tied his hands with rope, he wouldn’t be in this problem… I believe it was Samwise Gamgee who said you can always use a good rope!). Every spell carries an indelible imprint of its caster’s personality, making him the only one able to lift it – doing so is a mortal danger to all others, and usually useless, too. Fortunately, a Web is created by one of the simplest spells, purely technical and almost bereft of a personality imprint, so it’s worth a risk. Now everything will hinge on what the freed Troll will do. Of course, he’s been broken by knowledge that he had somehow told everything he knew to the enemy; the question is – how broken? If he had turned into jelly, I’m finished; but if he’s still a Man and would like to at least pay back the one who’d tricked him into a betrayal, I can help him. I help him, he helps me … Well, that seems like quite a gamble, especially since you were also among those who interrogated him and he might blame you for his condition as well – and that part about spells doesn’t seem right, though I’m not versed enough in the magics of Middle-earth to be sure…
MG: Yeah, I don’t think it is. The only canonical example of a counterspell that comes to mind is in FotR, when Gandalf tries to buy the Fellowship time by magically binding a door shut in Moria and the balrog breaks it. Gandalf is shaken, but more by the strength of the counterspell than by the fact that his magic could be broken like that (he hadn’t realized they were dealing with a balrog yet). In the Sil, we also have Sauron breaking the illusions that disguised Finrod, Beren and their companions as orcs – he had to defeat Finrod in magical combat first, of course, but once he did, lifting the glamour doesn’t seem to have been that hard (later in that same story, Morgoth also strips Luthien of her disguise as Thuringwethil, seemingly by sheer force of will, but Morgoth is an outlier and probably shouldn’t be counted in terms of things normal magic can do). But we’ve got a decent amount of evidence that breaking someone else’s spell is totally a thing that’s possible.
Elven Brutality: 219
Mixed-up Mythos: 207
Spies Like Us: 297
Havaktri: Most informative! But with effort, Eornis manages to rip the spell apart. horrible, excruciating pain knocked her out for a moment; so this is what lifting another’s spell is like, even when it’s a trifle like the Web being removed by an Elvish clofoel … Based on what I’ve just learned, I doubt it would be that difficult… even so, Eornis passes out from the effort, and when she wakes up, she finds the Clofoel of Tranquility dead on the floor, with Kumai, who is now standing by the window, having apparently wrung his neck from behind. That was… quite anticlimactic, no? She smirked: the esteemed clofoel of Tranquility had released the Troll and imprudently looked away, while I had no time to do anything. It happened so fast, esteemed Members of the Council! I am eternally grateful to the late clofoel: had he not volunteered to accompany me, undoubtedly I would have been dead … Well, I can’t say I mourned him – I have no love for torturers – but even so, you’re taking this rather well, aren’t you? And then suddenly we’re in Kumai’s head – this chapter is not sitting still, and it’s most disorienting! Kumai had only a split second to look over the amazing panorama of the Elvish capital while taking his last step; all those towers and suspension bridges collapsed on him like a theatrical backdrop while six-sided flagstones raced at him. His last thought was: what if those bastards piece me together again? … Ah, farewell, Kumai… I hope you feel the suffering your author decided to inflict on you, in the name of a cause of which you understood nothing, was worth it…
Perhaps they would have (who really knows the limits of the Elves’ power?), but they had no time left for that or anything else. I… don’t think they could have? I don’t think the resurrection of the dead is such a casual thing in this world… Nonetheless, the time has come, so Eornis takes the Palantir out of its sack (it was in a sack? I thought it was glued to the underside of the table… unless it was the sack that was glued, which seems perhaps less messy, but more likely attract attention…) and places it by the Mirror, which looked fit to gallop away on its bent little legs. That… sounds like a cause for concern. Has Galadriel considered bringing in a specialist physician to have a look at it? After waiting the prescribed time, the clofoel of the World brought together the two orange sparks within the magic crystal, thus switching it to ‘send-receive’ mode … And thus, with Eornis in place, the chapter comes to an end…
MG: And so, it does! First off… yeah, in Arda, the resurrection of the dead is a very rare magical feat and pretty much the sole province of the Valar and/or Eru. So, I don’t think Kumai has to worry about being put back together again (does that make Kumai Humpty-Dumpty? Though “all the queen’s elves” doesn’t fit the rhyme very well, unfortunately). Anyway, this was mostly about getting everything in position on the Lorien side of things for Haladdin’s plan to destroy the Mirror, as well as reiterating how horrible all the elves are (and that Yeskov either missed or deliberately decided to throw out, well, just about everything Tolkien wrote about the Mirror or Lorien!). It also included a very sudden and anticlimactic end for poor Kumai, who’s been, if not a main character exactly, at least a reasonably prominent supporting character, and it can’t help but feel like he deserved better than he got. Anyway, next time will be our final post that covers actual chapters before the epilogue and appendices, in which we finally see Haladdin and Tzerlag again (along with some other characters we’ve not seen in a long time) find out what they’ve been up to and just what the point of all of this is, as we bring our story to its final climax, with the fate of Middle-earth to be decided at the summit of Mount Doom… wait, that sounds familiar… And in any case, we’ll be doing a full, line-by-line sporking of that one, so strap in! We’ll see you then! Our counts stand at:
Age of Anachronisms: 177
The Dung Ages: 92
Elven Brutality: 220
Linguistic Confusion: 73
Mixed-up Mythos: 210
Mordor the Magnificent: 101
Not So Magnificent: 49
Spies Like Us: 299
Take That, Tolkien!: 56
Warning: This post contains deaths, including a suicide.
MG: Well, everyone, it’s time to continue our journey through Kirill Yeskov’s The Last Ringbearer! Last time, Grizzly and his people escaped from Dol Guldur ahead of Galadriel’s army, but it all proved to be for nothing when Aragorn decided to throw Task Force Feanor under the proverbial bus anyway, and they all ended up apparently dying (including Cheetah, who rode out there just for the occasion). Today, it’s time to return to Lorien as we continue following the machinations of the Star Council (yay…) in preparation for our actual climax, coming next time. Joining us once again will be Havaktri!
Chapter Sixty-Five
Havaktri: And so, we open in Lorien on August 1st, which I believe places us one day after the events of the last two chapters. They have gathered in the Blue Hall of the Galadhon Palace at the crack of dawn at the insistence of the clofoel of Stars. Oh, the Blue Hall! How lovely! Is there anything special about it other than it being blue? Oh, does the palace have a different room for every color? How delightful! The morning felt like fall: crisp and cold like water in a forest spring, so the chills that afflicted Eornis (invisibly to anyone else) may have been due to that; at least that was what she wanted to believe. What is the Mistress of the Stars up to? Great Eru, what if her dancers had found the palantír? No, that’s impossible, but what if they’ve figured out where it is? In the meantime, the main problem – how to get to the Mirror, closely guarded by clofoel of Might’s men, today at noon – remains unsolved, and I am still bereft of ideas. Well, considering that if you can’t manage it, the story might as well end right here, I’m sure you’ll think of something! It has been clear to everyone for the past week that they had to look for a physical object after all (the possibility of swamp fire or another magical emanation, suggested by the clofoel of the World, has been duly checked and found untrue), and a methodical search began. Ah, dare I ask how it was proven untrue? If something didn’t leave a physical trace, then by definition it would be almost impossible to prove it didn’t happen – and if they were searching for effects of magic, why didn’t it turn up the palantir? *in a hushed voice* I’m starting to wonder if these elves are actually any good at their jobs…
We then get a bit more insight. When it is said that the dancers of the clofoel of Stars ‘sniff out magic,’ it is a fairly accurate metaphor: they do work like sniffing dogs. So… have the dancers been going around with their noses to the ground, then? How curious… and also, rather degrading! Throughout the last few days the girls have been walking around Caras Galadhon in a trance, feeling the air with outstretched palms, as if hunting a bird hiding in the fallen leaves or playing a game of ‘hot-cold.’ So far it was ‘cold’ – the magical object was somewhere very close but beyond their reach. Beg pardon, but that doesn’t sound like sniffing to me. And is there any reason why the “dancers” are all girls? I wasn’t aware elven magic was gendered; does Yeskov simply have a hard time imagining men dancing? If so, I should like to take him to my monastery and let him watch some of our young men practicing the Path of Shadows – it might be helpful! That was as Eornis expected: she had been much more concerned with the Guards of the clofoel of Tranquility and their banal police methods than with the dancers’ magic. But of course – when seeking out magic, you always want ‘banal’ methods instead of leaving things to the actual specialists in finding magic! Why didn’t I think of that?
Mixed-up Mythos: 193 (Galadriel and Celeborn live in a house – albeit a large one – not a palace; this sort of ‘magical sensing’ isn’t really a thing in Middle-earth, both because the elves tend to treat their magic more as an aspect of how they interact with the world and less as a discrete power they have, and how much of Middle-earth’s history hinges on lost magical objects; no, there’s no reason for the ‘dancers’ to be all one gender)
Spies Like Us: 289 (“banal police methods” are apparently better for gathering intelligence than actual magic)
Havaktri: However, we learn that the real danger to Eornis is actually from the Clofoel of Might, who Galadriel left in charge when she went to war a few chapters ago; the old battleaxe, who never played his own games, was the only member of the Council she could really trust. Apparently, he’s had his own guards take over the palace in Galadriel’s absence, and they’re not letting the other Clofoels in without orders; he eventually gives them, but it makes sure everyone knows he’s in charge. And, since Galadriel had forbidden the Clofoel of Stars from using her Mirror while she was away, he simply barred all clofoels from the Moon Tower where the magical crystal was kept – “can’t overdo a good thing.” Which honestly… seems perfectly sensible? Except that Eornis knows that if she can’t get to the Mirror on time, she won’t be able to save her son (or, rather, Haladdin won’t be able to carry out his plan, which Eornis has been tricked into inadvertently helping with by dangling the promise of saving her son in front of her… I don’t think our ‘heroes’ are very nice people, are they?). We then cut to the Star Council meeting, which is not a script this time, which makes our previous detours into script format all the more baffling. Perhaps Galadriel herself was writing everything down, and with her no longer here, no one is? Maybe she wanted to put on a play about it later… Eornis asks the Clofoel of Stars how her search is going, and the other woman admits it’s not going well. She also looks ill and haggard, which disturbs Eornis. The Clofoel of Stars doesn’t want to bother the rest of the Council with the technical details, but For about a week now the dancers and I have been feeling strange pulsations in the Mirror’s magic field. First it was a light tremor, then it turned into real convulsions, and last night those convulsions assumed a definite and highly unpleasant rhythm … Do none of you feel anything?” Well, you are the only one trained for this, so… maybe they really haven’t?
The Clofoel of Memory, who I don’t believe we’ve met before, suddenly breaks in to say that she feels it but hadn’t realized what was causing it, which stuns everyone else at the meeting, since she’s one of the less powerful clofoels who don’t usually interrupt discussions between the Big Four. Eornis herself is… not impressed. How would you ever know that, you timid mouse, Eornis thought irritably. What do you know but your dusty Beleriand scrolls and stupid sagas? But I – how did I fail to connect all those vibrations with the Mirror? So that’s where my chills come from … The question is – do I acknowledge this fact and thereby assist that Star bitch? … Yes, and I should go even further, in fact. Hmmm; I think Eornis may be a bit on edge today… perhaps she should drink some calming tea and meditate for a bit? It always helps me… Instead of saying what she’s thinking, Eornis praises the Clofoel of Memory’s courage in speaking up and describes what they’re feeling as an unnatural fear; the Clofoel of Might isn’t impressed either. “Maybe some girls feel strong irrational fear, but I personally fear not a damn thing, clofoel of the World! So don’t you go around saying …” *she sighs* And of course we’re not meant to like him, so we must establish him as sexist and stupid (though the sexism, alas, seems far too common in this story…). The Clofoel of Stars rather sarcastically thanks him for his opinion, but she and the rest of the council agree with Eornis. The thing is that the Mirror … how should I explain this … it is somewhat alive. The pulsating rhythm it is now creating and we are feeling is well-known in magic: it is the rhythm of labor pains, but in reverse. It is a horrible thing. The Mirror is anticipating its demise and our World’s with it … It is anticipating, and trying to reach out to us, do you see? And the stars over Lórien seem to have gone mad …” Just the stars over Lorien? Astronomers in Middle-earth must be very confused! And, I’m not an expert in this kind of magic, but… I’m not sure that checks out? Is the good Clofoel just making things up? Oh, the shame!
MG: And I must say, it’s a bit weird to dismiss the Clofoel of Memory’s responsibilities as “dusty scrolls and stupid sagas” when Middle-earth elves are immortal, and that holds true even in TLR. Now, with everything else Yeskov’s already changed, we have no real idea what actually happened in Beleriand in the First Age in TLR!verse, but for the elves as a people, it should still be in living memory, with repercussions that continue to shape their culture and politics – that should be a very important job, not a minor, easily dismissed one!
Age of Anachronisms: 174 (it’s not terrible, but “the Big Four” as a reference to government officials feels a bit off)
Elven Brutality: 206 (more backstabby elven politics; also, apparently the Clofoel of Might is sexist, despite also being blindly loyal to a female sovereign)
Mixed-up Mythos: 196 (the Mirror – which once again, is not a crystal of any size – is located in Galadriel’s garden, not in a tower; while precognitive abilities certainly exist in Middle-earth, and some elves have them, what the Clofoel of Stars is describing doesn’t seem to fit in with Middle-earth magic – the Rings of Power didn’t react that way when the One Ring was about to be destroyed, and the Mirror only shows possible futures. This just feels like Yeskov clumsily foreshadowing that Haladdin’s victory is imminent.)
Take That, Tolkien!: 54 (those “dusty Beleriand scrolls and stupid sagas” would be the same material that composes The Silmarillion – aka Tolkien’s life’s work; it’s hard not to see this as a dig at him)
Havaktri: The Clofoel of Tranquility wonders if this is related to the magical artifact they can’t find, and the Clofoel of Stars thinks it could be; and then “Wait, what does this mean – the demise of our World?” That was Lord Celeborn; imagine, the man actually woke up! Ah, but of course – we have to be reminded that Celeborn is useless, even when he’s asking what seems like a very important question! The Clofoel of Stars confirms she means the literal destruction of the elves, and Celeborn is understandably terrified. “Then do something! Clofoel of Stars! You, too, clofoel of Tranquility! I … I order you as your Lord!” What would we ever do without your orders, o precious liege – that was what showed clearly on the faces of the Big Four. *she sighs* Oh, poor Celeborn – it isn’t your fault that your current author decided he hates you for being overshadowed by your wife! You don’t deserve this treatment… The Clofoel of Stars says the first thing she has to do is look in the Mirror, and Celeborn immediately gives his permission. However, just then a figure clad in shining armor, its size and delicacy of features resembling those of the stone idols guarding lower Anduin, loomed over the table. While Eornis wondered idly whether the clofoel of Might ever took off his helmet and mithril mail (to make love, say). Ah, I presume he would, not that I’m an expert in such matters… but perhaps he’s celibate? the man informed them of his opinion of cowards and civvies – which are really one and the same to him! – in plain soldier’s language. He, for one, feels no such ominous rhythms, and how would the clofoel of Stars and her dancers know this childbirth rhythm, anyway? Aren’t they supposed to be virgins? Does… does the good Clofoel know that by ‘childbirth rhythm’ they’re likely speaking metaphorically, not literally? Unless the Mirror literally is about to give birth, which just raises even more questions… and why do the dancers have to be virgins, anyway? I wouldn’t think it would matter one way or the other… I mean, Galadriel is married and had a daughter, and therefore presumably isn’t a virgin, and she’s one of the most powerful magic-users in Middle-earth, isn’t she?
However, the real reason that the Clofoel of Might has gotten up is to remind everyone he has a direct order from Galadriel herself to keep the Clofoel of Stars away from the Mirror, and if anyone wants to challenge that, he’ll count it as treason. He rather pointedly asks Celeborn his opinion again in light of that, and “Yes, yes,” mumbled the Lord of Lórien (obviously the inescapable wrath of the Lady scared him a lot more than any hypothetical end of the world), “let’s wait for her return from the Dol Guldur expedition …” *she sighs* Oh, Celeborn, poor Celeborn… what has Yeskov done to you… and this does not seem to be a very healthy marriage, and makes me wonder why Galadriel hasn’t married the Clofoel of Might instead… Suddenly, to everyone else’s surprise, the Clofoel of Memory speaks up again. “Our world is already sliding into the abyss, the only one who has any chance of saving it is the clofoel of Stars, and this idiot of the shining helmet is standing on an order received in times immemorial! All right, can’t blame a man with a bronze lump for brains, but you all – Great Eru, can’t you rise above your petty intrigues even now, on the eve of destruction?!” Now, I beg your pardon, but Galadriel gave that order last week – hardly “time immemorial” unless the Clofoel of Memory is sadly misnamed! Nonetheless, Eornis realizes that the Clofoel of Memory has spoken what everyone else is thinking – the Clofoel of Might has too and is so enraged he tosses his chair aside and is about to leap across the table, when he’s suddenly interrupted by the Clofoel of Tranquility, hand on the hilt of his sword and a smile fit to freeze the Eternal Fire on his lips.
MG: Now, per the endnotes, “Idiot of the shining helmet” – a reference to Hector’s description in Homer’s Iliad. Which just makes me wonder what Yeskov has against Hector, who is usually considered one of the more sympathetic characters in the Iliad!
Age of Anachronisms: 176 (“cowards and civvies” implies a firm cultural division between military and civilians, which most places in Middle-earth don’t seem to have; also, how does the Clofoel of Memory know to make a literary allusion to the Iliad?)
The Dung Ages: 92 (for making the Argonath “idols” of unknown origin rather than Gondorian statues)
Elven Brutality: 209 (one point for the overall politicking and its descent into violence, one point for Galadriel being scary, one point for Celeborn being pathetic)
Mixed-up Mythos: 197 (the statues at the Argonath aren’t “idols”; they were built by Gondor at the time of their greatest power, to mark their then-current borders and commemorate their foundering kings, the brothers Isildur and Anarion; of course, considering Yeskov’s determination to not let Gondor have nice things and to cut out most of their history, who knows who built the Arhonath or why in TLR!verse)
Havaktri: Well, Celeborn is left caught between the two angry Clofoels, ineffectively mumbling for them to stop, and by il-Yannah, this entire sequence is filling me with so much secondhand embarrassment for the poor man! Finally, Eornis speaks up, having conceived a plan which will solve everyone’s problems, including her own. Apparently, as Eornis is known as one of Galadriel’s stronger supporters, the Clofoel of Might is willing to hear her out, so she lays out her plan. “The radiant Lady did mention – in passing and half-jokingly – that the clofoel of Stars should not preen before her Mirror. However, she had imposed no restrictions on the other clofoels’ access to the crystal. Do you agree, esteemed clofoel of Might?” That… seems very much like a technicality, and since the Clofoel of Might was the one who decided Galadriel’s order meant no one should be allowed to use the Mirror, I wouldn’t expect him to be sympathetic to it… but as it turns out, he does agree! Maybe he's as tired of this argument as I am… “You see? It’s settled, then: by the will of the Council I will ascend the Moon Tower. Of course, my magical abilities can’t even be compared to the talents of the esteemed clofoel of Stars, but I’m at least capable of comprehensively reporting the Mirror’s condition to her.”
The Clofoel of Stars says it’s dangerous to look in the Mirror without protection – I don’t think that’s true? – and Eornis says she’s not going to do that; my selflessness doesn’t go that far… As far as I know, the radiant Lady uses Lórien’s human visitors for this purpose; they are mortal anyway, sooner or later. We happen to have one handy – that flying Troll. I hope he hasn’t been liquidated yet, has he, esteemed clofoel of Tranquility?” Oh, and so that’s where poor Kumai is going to get involved? I’m not sure why Eornis needs him, since she’s not planning to use the Mirror for either her own plans (which just require her to show it to the person on the other end of the Palantir as proof she’s in Lorien) or the Council’s (which just require an update on the Mirror’s physical condition) but if I think hard enough, surely it will come to me! Apparently, after being interrogated, Kumai’s in a bad way; when the poor slob read his testimony, he totally fell apart – first tried to kill himself, then went catatonic. Oh, someone needs to help that poor man – preferably someone who knows what they’re doing, so not anyone in this story! Eornis doesn’t think that will be a problem (see what I mean!) but the Clofoel of Tranquility wants to go with her for her protection, in case Kumai turns violent. I would assume this is meant to be an example of elvish racism, but… a desperate man might do desperate things… Eornis rather sarcastically thanks the Clofoel of Tranquility for his concern, and he equally sarcastically accepts her thanks, and the chapter ends there.
MG: And before moving on to the next chapter… yeah, Yeskov seems to have completely changed how the Mirror works (along with everything else about it). For one, no, the Mirror’s not dangerous (unless you count the danger of seeing a possible bad future, trying to prevent it, and accidentally bringing it about, something Galadriel warns the hobbits to be wary of, but is a more subtle and insidious danger than what Yeskov seems to be referring to) and you don’t need any sort of “protection” to use it safely. And wow, the implication here is that Galadriel actively sacrifices her mortal “guests” by forcing them to look in the Mirror for her own benefit – cold, TLR!Galadriel! Also, kind of pointless, since the Mirror, when not directed towards something else, seems to show people visions that are relevant to them specifically – nothing Frodo or Sam saw in the Mirror, save for Frodo’s brief vision of the Eye of Sauron looking for him at the end (which Galadriel was already aware of, being sought by Sauron herself) was of particular benefit to her! But I guess we have to reiterate that the elves are eeevil, so Galadriel letting Frodo and Sam use her Mirror in canon had to have sinister reasons, even if they don’t make much sense! Sometimes this fic is really predictable.
Age of Anachronisms: 177 (talking about prisoners being “liquidated”)
Elven Brutality: 213 (for the overall backstabby politics, Galadriel forcing people to look into her Mirror for evil, and the elves’ treatment of Kumai)
Mixed-up Mythos: 199 (for more weirdness around how the Mirror works)
Spies Like Us: 291 (for Eornis’s overall duplicitousness and role in Haladdin’s scheme)
Chapter Sixty-Six
Havaktri: And so, we pick up shortly after we left off, with the elves and Kumai heading to the Mirror! The sun was already approaching its zenith when they have passed the guards of the clofoel of Might at the entrance to the Moon Tower. The narrow spiral staircase forced them to go single-file. The clofoel of Tranquility went first, easily taking every other step; of course, he was not at all afraid of the Troll following him and had not even handcuffed him, relying on a Web spell instead. A…what now? I beg your pardon? Did the Clofoel perhaps summon a spider to web Kumai’s hands together? That… would be appropriately disturbing.
MG: More to the point, using magic as casually as a “web spell” to bind a prisoner’s hands doesn’t seem to fit into Middle-earth; from canon, we know that elves (including the Galadhrim!) are perfectly fine with using mundane bindings or blindfolds.
Havaktri: …as I suspected. Milady Eornis brought up the rear, thinking over the details of her plan for one last time. Yes, there’s a chance of success, but it’s really minuscule, and the most unpleasant part is that everything depends on a myriad of coincidences, rather than her own abilities. In any event, her long game with the clofoel of Tranquility had reached its end – only one of them will come out of this tower alive, and only chance will determine which one … Well, I would have to say, if your plan comes down completely to chance… perhaps you needed a better plan? Though it still seemingly hasn’t occurred to her that the unusually specific instructions she received for negotiating the return of her son might have served an ulterior purpose… The top chamber of the Moon Tower was a round room about ten yards in diameter, the Mirror its only furniture. The crystal was set in a mithril setting with curved legs a foot and a half long, so that the whole thing resembled a small table. Six lancet windows offered an excellent view of Caras Galadhon. It’s funny, Eornis reflected in passing, that this Troll is probably the only Man to ever see the real sight of the Elvish capital, but he won’t relate it to anyone. Those guests that we intend to release are never allowed beyond the talien next to Nimrodel, so those simpletons leave believing that we actually live on those perches … But… but… we had mention of the talan just a few chapters ago that imply the elves do live in them… and the Fellowship made it all the way to Caras Galadhon, far past the Nimrodel, and they were allowed to leave… and we know that Aragorn at least was here recently, presumably at the same time as in canon… perhaps Eornis doesn’t understand things as well as she thinks?
MG: Yeah, the elves of Lorien are called the Galadhrim, literally “tree-people” in Sindarin… because they live in the tress. *headdesk*
Elven Brutality: 215
Mixed-up Mythos: 202 (for the pointless change to Caras Galadhon, and to the location and housing of the Mirror, one for the web spell)
Spies Like Us: 293 (more elven intrigue)
Take That, Tolkien!: 55 (because I see no reason for changing Caras Galadhon other than to say Tolkien got it wrong)
Havaktri: Eornis tells the Clofoel of Tranquility to bring Kumai over, and then turns to examine the Mirror. The crystal was ink-black, the blackness lit up by pulses of scarlet light at regular intervals; it felt distinctly like the Mirror was emitting one endless silent scream of terror and pain. Maybe it’s not good for it to be close to a palantír? she wondered belatedly. Whatever, can’t change anything at this point. Please endure this a bit longer, she thought at the Mirror; this will all be over in a few minutes. As if in response, the crystal almost exploded from inside with a singularly powerful scarlet flash which for some reason reminded her of the Eternal Fire … I…don’t think it should be doing that? I am not an expert in this sort of magic, but it just feels like this exists solely to signal the elves’ immanent doom rather than for any actual reason… The thought came and went as other matters occupied her attention: the clofoel of Tranquility had apparently noticed (felt, to be precise) that the room was not as empty as it seemed. According to her plan, that was exactly what he was supposed to do, without any prompting from her. Imagine the irony of relying on one’s mortal enemy’s intuition and professionalism! Well, that certainly seems fortuitous… though I don’t think you should rely on the Clofoel’s intuition too much, lest he realize that all is not as it seems – what a dreadful tightrope to walk!
The Clofoel looks around the room but finds nothing. It’s useless to search for anything magically here – the Mirror generates a magical field of such intensity as to drown those of all other objects. I’m… not sure it should work that way? And then suddenly and without warning, we are in the Clofoel of Tranqulity’s perspective, how disorienting! A totally empty room and a low ‘table’ on thin legs … Could I have hidden an object here, a small one? Yes, I could have … sure I could! Wait – a small object? What did the Troll say? “About the size of a child’s head!” So that’s why you wanted to get up to the Mirror! He announces he’s arresting Eornis for treason – that was certainly fast! – and they stand facing each other before he orders her to disarm. “Unclip the dagger from your belt … now the stiletto in your left sleeve … Kick them away with your foot! Now, we’ll talk. The magic object that Star fool’s dancers can’t find is attached to the bottom of the ‘table,’ right? One has to drop on all fours before the Mirror to see it – surely no one will think of that. It’s impossible to find it magically – the dancers are like a dog that has to find a perfumed handkerchief hidden in a sack of crushed pepper. An excellent idea, my compliments! By the way, what is it?” Ah, “attached” how? Did she glue it under there? That must have taken a lot of work – and been very messy! I’m not sure that Palantir will ever be clean again! And when did she even have time to do it!
MG: Now, in canon, we do have precedent for extremely powerful magic drowning out less powerful – Sam can’t use Galadriel’s Phial inside Mount Doom, because Sauron’s powers are too strongly concentrated there and all other magics are suppressed. On the other hand, that implies that to produce a similar effect, the Mirror is about as powerful as Orodruin itself, which seems… implausible. But I do have to say, the mental image of Eornis hiding under the table, painstakingly attaching the Palantir with a bottle of Gorilla Glue while desperately hoping nobody walks in on her is rather amusing, so thank you, Havaktri.
Elven Brutality: 216
Mixed-up Mythos: 205 (Yeskov’s take on the Mirror is still nothing like Tolkien’s…)
Spies Like Us: 295
Havaktri: Eornis dejectedly says the object in question is a Palantir; the Clofoel wonders if she got it from the Enemy but she corrects him that it’s from Aragorn. The Clofoel is taken aback, and Eornis says he wasn’t the only one to talk to Aragorn in private when he visited (so he did visit Caras Galadhon!) and the Clofoel’s own plans for alliance with Aragorn will fall through if he hurts her. The Clofoel isn’t convinced; the fewer one’s allies, the more valuable they become, so he’s not going anywhere. You, however, can look forward to a real education under the Mound: the boys there are quite creative, and I’ll make sure you won’t die too quickly. That’s… rather horrible, isn’t it? But Eornis says he can’t arrest her without proof of her treason, and to get that he’ll have to show Galadriel the Palantir, which he won’t want to do; she offers to become his agent instead. The Clofoel is done with talking and forces her to sit down, before asking if she attached the Palantir with magic. “No, just the sticky ankasar juice,” she replied, and then added pleadingly, staring at the wall: “Please listen to me …” Ha! It was glue! Though I’m unsure where gorillas come in…
The Clofoel yells at her to be quiet, but it turns out that while they’ve been talking, Eornis has been quietly working on unravelling the web spell binding Kumai (if the Clofoel had just tied his hands with rope, he wouldn’t be in this problem… I believe it was Samwise Gamgee who said you can always use a good rope!). Every spell carries an indelible imprint of its caster’s personality, making him the only one able to lift it – doing so is a mortal danger to all others, and usually useless, too. Fortunately, a Web is created by one of the simplest spells, purely technical and almost bereft of a personality imprint, so it’s worth a risk. Now everything will hinge on what the freed Troll will do. Of course, he’s been broken by knowledge that he had somehow told everything he knew to the enemy; the question is – how broken? If he had turned into jelly, I’m finished; but if he’s still a Man and would like to at least pay back the one who’d tricked him into a betrayal, I can help him. I help him, he helps me … Well, that seems like quite a gamble, especially since you were also among those who interrogated him and he might blame you for his condition as well – and that part about spells doesn’t seem right, though I’m not versed enough in the magics of Middle-earth to be sure…
MG: Yeah, I don’t think it is. The only canonical example of a counterspell that comes to mind is in FotR, when Gandalf tries to buy the Fellowship time by magically binding a door shut in Moria and the balrog breaks it. Gandalf is shaken, but more by the strength of the counterspell than by the fact that his magic could be broken like that (he hadn’t realized they were dealing with a balrog yet). In the Sil, we also have Sauron breaking the illusions that disguised Finrod, Beren and their companions as orcs – he had to defeat Finrod in magical combat first, of course, but once he did, lifting the glamour doesn’t seem to have been that hard (later in that same story, Morgoth also strips Luthien of her disguise as Thuringwethil, seemingly by sheer force of will, but Morgoth is an outlier and probably shouldn’t be counted in terms of things normal magic can do). But we’ve got a decent amount of evidence that breaking someone else’s spell is totally a thing that’s possible.
Elven Brutality: 219
Mixed-up Mythos: 207
Spies Like Us: 297
Havaktri: Most informative! But with effort, Eornis manages to rip the spell apart. horrible, excruciating pain knocked her out for a moment; so this is what lifting another’s spell is like, even when it’s a trifle like the Web being removed by an Elvish clofoel … Based on what I’ve just learned, I doubt it would be that difficult… even so, Eornis passes out from the effort, and when she wakes up, she finds the Clofoel of Tranquility dead on the floor, with Kumai, who is now standing by the window, having apparently wrung his neck from behind. That was… quite anticlimactic, no? She smirked: the esteemed clofoel of Tranquility had released the Troll and imprudently looked away, while I had no time to do anything. It happened so fast, esteemed Members of the Council! I am eternally grateful to the late clofoel: had he not volunteered to accompany me, undoubtedly I would have been dead … Well, I can’t say I mourned him – I have no love for torturers – but even so, you’re taking this rather well, aren’t you? And then suddenly we’re in Kumai’s head – this chapter is not sitting still, and it’s most disorienting! Kumai had only a split second to look over the amazing panorama of the Elvish capital while taking his last step; all those towers and suspension bridges collapsed on him like a theatrical backdrop while six-sided flagstones raced at him. His last thought was: what if those bastards piece me together again? … Ah, farewell, Kumai… I hope you feel the suffering your author decided to inflict on you, in the name of a cause of which you understood nothing, was worth it…
Perhaps they would have (who really knows the limits of the Elves’ power?), but they had no time left for that or anything else. I… don’t think they could have? I don’t think the resurrection of the dead is such a casual thing in this world… Nonetheless, the time has come, so Eornis takes the Palantir out of its sack (it was in a sack? I thought it was glued to the underside of the table… unless it was the sack that was glued, which seems perhaps less messy, but more likely attract attention…) and places it by the Mirror, which looked fit to gallop away on its bent little legs. That… sounds like a cause for concern. Has Galadriel considered bringing in a specialist physician to have a look at it? After waiting the prescribed time, the clofoel of the World brought together the two orange sparks within the magic crystal, thus switching it to ‘send-receive’ mode … And thus, with Eornis in place, the chapter comes to an end…
MG: And so, it does! First off… yeah, in Arda, the resurrection of the dead is a very rare magical feat and pretty much the sole province of the Valar and/or Eru. So, I don’t think Kumai has to worry about being put back together again (does that make Kumai Humpty-Dumpty? Though “all the queen’s elves” doesn’t fit the rhyme very well, unfortunately). Anyway, this was mostly about getting everything in position on the Lorien side of things for Haladdin’s plan to destroy the Mirror, as well as reiterating how horrible all the elves are (and that Yeskov either missed or deliberately decided to throw out, well, just about everything Tolkien wrote about the Mirror or Lorien!). It also included a very sudden and anticlimactic end for poor Kumai, who’s been, if not a main character exactly, at least a reasonably prominent supporting character, and it can’t help but feel like he deserved better than he got. Anyway, next time will be our final post that covers actual chapters before the epilogue and appendices, in which we finally see Haladdin and Tzerlag again (along with some other characters we’ve not seen in a long time) find out what they’ve been up to and just what the point of all of this is, as we bring our story to its final climax, with the fate of Middle-earth to be decided at the summit of Mount Doom… wait, that sounds familiar… And in any case, we’ll be doing a full, line-by-line sporking of that one, so strap in! We’ll see you then! Our counts stand at:
Age of Anachronisms: 177
The Dung Ages: 92
Elven Brutality: 220
Linguistic Confusion: 73
Mixed-up Mythos: 210
Mordor the Magnificent: 101
Not So Magnificent: 49
Spies Like Us: 299
Take That, Tolkien!: 56
