Batman: Odyssey Vol I, No. 3
Jul. 1st, 2024 08:08 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
masterghandalfThis is a crosspost from Das_Sporking2. Previous installments of this spork may be found here.
Warning: This post contains some violence, and is also image-heavy.
MG: Well, everyone, it’s time to continue our journey through the wild and weird world of Neal Adams’ Batman: Odyssey! Last time, a naked Bruce Wayne continued telling us a story about a time he was at a pier, gave a bunch of goons a lesson on the science of hydrogen cars in between beating them up before getting shot a lot, and then flashing back to an earlier adventure when he himself shot a whole lot of bullets at a train car full of passengers, in an ostensible attempt to save them. Today, it’s time to see how Batman survives the debacle on the pier (which we know he does, because he has to in order to be the one telling us this!) while meanwhile we start learning a bit more about what is actually going on here. Our cover today, for once, does not involve Batman getting shot at; instead, we see Batman heading down a tunnel alone, with what appears to be both Alfred and Robin watching him from the entrance; meanwhile, Alfred, Robin and the rocks they’re standing on seem to be drawn in such a way as to create the outline of a gloating face. None of this will be particularly relevant to this issue.
We open, once again, with a naked Bruce Wayne narrating at us… but now he’s literally leaning across the table, reaching out a hand for us and staring at us with longing. Uh… okay. But, wow – just three issues in, and Bruce already seems to be getting desperate! Bruce is telling us about how Alfred was angry about something (he practically owns me… uh, care to elaborate a bit more about your relationship with Alfred, Bruce?) which then leads him into an extended tangent about the emotional barriers he places around himself and how easily they could come tumbling down. And then we cut to a flashback… at some point that clearly isn’t the pier or the train, but a hitherto unknown and unlabeled fourth time period! *applauds sarcastically* We’re at the Batcave, and Bruce… appears to be in the middle of a temper tantrum. I hate this! I hate-hate this! Bull! No, let it out, Bruce – tell us how you really feel! Alfred – who is holding up a syringe rather ominously – comments that he heard it the first time, and then Bruce starts ranting about how it’s all turned out wrong! Alfred sarcastically comments that he’s being Charming. Erudite. Avuncular, and Bruce tells him to forget it. Frankly, more of this book would probably be improved with Alfred’s snarky, dry running commentary on events… but sadly, he’s not going to be around for long stretches of it (and will even get to miss out on some of the weirder parts!).
It turns out Bruce is upset because some serial killer named Harry Tree (Or did Bruce mishear the name and it’s really Hairy Tree, Treebeard’s homicidal cousin? It’s Odyssey, you can never quite be sure!) has murdered another woman, and Bruce feels responsible for not having stopped him. Apparently, Bruce had captured him at some point (spoilers: this character has not appeared before, and will not be appearing in the comic, at any point in the timeline) but he got away. Alfred wonders if Bruce wanted to kill him, and Bruce admits he thinks he should have (and then ruins the dramatic moment by hopping up and striking a very silly pose). Alfred doesn’t think much of the idea, leading Bruce to snap at him and call him a bloody stuffed shirt (which just makes me wonder if Bruce is using “bloody” in the British sense – to mock Alfred? Rude! – or if the insult is literally comparing him to an actually blood-stained shirt – with Neal Adams’ writing, one can never quite be sure!). Alfred wryly forgives Bruce for not being perfect, and then Bruce admits it makes no difference – Harry Tree’s victim is still dead. Alfred wonders why Bruce is still talking about it, then (because he feels guilty? I thought he made that pretty clear…) and so Bruce tells him to go to hell, you freak. *flatly* Go to hell, you freak, really? No wonder Batman has a reputation for being antisocial – if this is how he talks to his confidante and father figure, imagine how he talks to everyone else!
Alfred wonders if this is where I exit stage right, with a look of concern on my butler-ish face (“butler-ish face?” Does Alfred think all butlers look alike? Then again, this is the DC universe, and a very strange series at that – maybe Neal Adams is hinting that Alfred is actually a series of clones?). The two of them banter a bit more, and Alfred finally asks if Bruce wants to talk about what happened this evening. To which Bruce responds yes, I’d like that, old friend, with a suddenly almost blissfully serene expression on his face (all the more jarring because in the previous panel, he was grimacing like he was about to attack Alfred – maybe Alfred jabbed him with the syringe off-panel, and the tranquilizer’s starting to take effect?). And I’ll note we go from “go the hell, you freak” to “I’d like that, old friend,” in the space of a single conversation. What a difference a few panels make!
So, Alfred and Bruce start talking about what happened at the pier (am I the only one getting whiplash that we started out by talking about Harry Tree, and then it turns out the pier was what was really troubling Bruce all along?), and now we know when we are – later that night, after Bruce got home from that little misadventure! Whew! On the other hand, why we’re having this story told in anachronic order, jumping between different time periods, still escapes me… Bruce describes how he went down after being shot so many times (funny, he looks decidedly… un-shot… when he’s talking to Alfred, even though the gym clothes he’s wearing there don’t cover much…) And then we flash back to the pier, with Batman lying in a heap in a puddle of his own blood, while the hijackers argue about whether they should shoot him in the face. Yes, literally – one of them is telling the other to shoot Batman and take the credit, while the other one literally says but… in the face? Like this is some strange, foreign concept to him. Finally, the first hijacker says if his accomplice can’t do it, he will, so the second hijacker gives in. Oh, God… I’m shootin’ Batman… in the face. *flatly* Yes, I think we’ve clearly established that… Oh, and then he thinks to himself that he’ll splash (which, again, Bruce somehow knows, since he’s the one narrating this to us – or rather, he’s telling us about the time he told Alfred about this and oh dear God) and, um… ew?
Anyway, just before the guy pulls the trigger, Batman whispers a name. Alfred Pennyworth. And then he shoots, and Bruce waxes poetic about it. Blasts of white-hot light, bolts of electricity circling my brain and inserting into the back of my head. Distant, muffled… immediately explosive thunder. A strobing, terrified, wondering set of eyeballs and fingers protecting his thuggish face from the splash of my brain chunks. The worst part… besides my head jacking around, was the very real impression… that it would never end. In retrospect… he only fired three slugs… but it seemed endless… like… my life had been reduced to waiting for that next slug. And then… it was over. Except… for the white… hot… RAGE! Batman has been the Hulk the whole time! What a twist! …and with that rage… came crystal clarity. …or, maybe not! Meanwhile, the hijacker is now crowing to his friends about how Batman is dead now (dude… you didn’t even take his pulse! And didn’t you notice that his face, uh, has pretty obviously not been blown up?). And we cut back to Bruce’s narration, as he mentions how he had a transparent, bulletproof face shield in his cowl… which hadn’t been remotely foreshadowed at all, but I guess when you’re Batman, you can just declare “I was prepared for this!” retroactively… and you were! And this isn’t even the worst case of that in this comic… Also, Alfred’s name was apparently the password to activate it. In other words, someone who is publicly connected to Bruce Wayne, but not to Batman. Doing a real good job of protecting the old secret identity there, Bruce… *applauds sarcastically*
But Batman jumps up and punches out the shooter, before proceeding to take down the rest of the hijackers. One of whom he punches so hard the guy sprays blood everywhere, from his mouth and his… ear, I guess? Yeesh. More hijackers burst in and start shooting, and Batman feigns flight, while thinking to himself that There’s no way to compare a truly trained man to a group of thugs. Unless whoever hired these guys proved to be willing to splurge for some actual professional mercenaries with real training… that would be awkward… Time moves differently… Time crawls, but the trained man is comfortable in this sped up/slowed down time. Now that just makes me think Batman has confiscated and is using that time manipulating device the Clock King had in one Batman: The Animated Series episode… Thinking to himself about how criminals are a superstitious and cowardly lot, Batman turns around and lunges back at them, daring them to shoot him while he’s already covered in blood, and the sight is apparently disturbing enough that the hijackers break and Batman is able to take them down. To a trained man… they are moving in slow motion… the trained man sees himself through their eyes. Last time it sounded like Batman was doing a paid advertisement for hydrogen cars… now I think he’s doing one for his own training regimen! But he continues fighting his way through the goons, who think he’s a monster. We spend several panels of him methodically picking the hijackers off, in a bit that’s reminiscent of the dock fight in Batman Begins. I wonder if that was deliberate or not? On the other hand, Batman also thinks of them briefly as poignantly dangerous… uh, was that the word you were actually looking for there, Adams?
As Batman finishes taking down the hijackers, he thinks to himself that the things you can learn to do with hundreds of hours of training is just short of amazing (so… it’s not actually amazing, then?). But seriously, it’s starting to sound like this really has been a very violent commercial for Bruce Wayne’s personal training regimen… Eventually, Robin shows up to help (where’s he been during all of this, anyway? Checking his texts?) reminding the goons that he told them not to shoot “heroes.” As the two of them take down the last of the hijackers (how many of them are there, anyway?) together, Batman finally thinks about some of what his training actually entailed. Apparently, it involved… watching old Toshiro Mifune movies in slow motion so he could study his moves. Yes, really. Nothing mentioned (here, at least) about all the years he spent traveling around the world to learn from the great masters – just watching old movies slowed down, that’ll do the trick! I can’t help but feel a bit underwhelmed.
Once the goons are all down, Batman explains how his suit was bulletproof (more for the reader’s benefit than Robin’s, presumably) even if it didn’t stand up quite as well as he’d hoped, and Robin calls Gordon to let him know he can move in. And when Gordon shows up – he’s brought the Riddler with him! Because apparently the Riddler folded easily at the Mint and the police arrested him… and for some inexplicable reason, they brought the known supervillain along with them to the other in-progress crime scene! The Riddler starts taunting Batman, since he was supposed to come to the Mint, and calls him Nimrod, which confuses Robin, since he doesn’t think that makes sense from the Riddler (uh, Batman called a guy Fudd earlier this evening – you guys’ insult game isn’t anything to write home about today, either). Riddler continues to mock Batman for not getting his riddle, while Gordon gushes about how well the special task force that Batman helped design (wait, since when does Batman design task forces for the police?) performed. Gordon, though, finally says what we’re all thinking – why did Batman come to the pier, and not to the Mint? Batman points out that it makes no sense for someone to steal the dinosaur bones and models – even if they’re valuable, they’re too big to be easily moved. Riddler comments that it’s a riddle (you are a master of the obvious…) and Gordon adds that this is actually a private collection. Batman is confused, since it’s being delivered to the Gotham Museum of Natural History, so Gordon clarifies that it’s a private donation to the museum from her father. He points off-page, and the next panel reveals the “her” in question to be… Talia al Ghul! Dun, dun, dun!
Talia confirms that the donation was from her father… and then adds you big ‘ol hero, you. Yes, for whatever reason, in this issue the usually eloquent Talia either, depending on who you’re asking, talks like a valley girl or speaks in baby talk, and no, I have no idea why. She just does. Gordon is surprised that Batman and Talia know each other (so, uh… I guess Bruce just never got around to telling Gordon about the man he considers, in most continuities, to be his most dangerous enemy or the fact that that man has a daughter, huh? Seems like an oversight, Bats…). Talia is distracted as she sees that Batman is badly injured and rushes to his side; Batman just says that defending the Triassic and Jurassic is hard work. You are aware you weren’t defending actual, live dinosaurs aren’t you, Batman? Maybe that’s why he was so insistent he go to the pier… (then again, if he was that determined to see actual dinosaurs… by the end of this series, he’ll get his wish). Talia then pulls Batman into an embrace; c’mere you Cenozoic Tarzan. MMFP! Uh… is it weird that what immediately comes to mind is that the actual Tarzan lived in the Cenozoic (ie, the present era!) and therefore “Cenozoic Tarzan” is redundant? Maybe Talia needs to check up on her Edgar Rice Burroughs and/or Disney. Hey, maybe Bruce will watch with her, if she’ll let him slow it down!
Finally, Batman pulls away and tells Talia that this is dangerous and massive grand larceny… of… your father’s property! Uh, I think she knows… pretty sure that’s why she’s here in the first place! Talia herself just says and you’re protecting Daddy’s stuff… from the big ‘ol crooks. You deserve a big ‘ol sloppy kiss. Okay… who is this person and what has she done with Talia? Because I can’t think of a single version of Talia al Ghul who talks like… whatever this is supposed to be! Batman and Talia go back to kissing, to which Robin’s response is yuck, yuck (not sure how old Dick is supposed to be here – the first issue mentioned he had finals week recently, but not what level of schooling he’s at, though I’d assume at least high school from how he’s drawn - but I’d think he’d be old enough to be over “girls have cooties” by now!). And then suddenly Talia pulls away from Batman and starts haranguing Gordon for not having brought in anyone to treat him yet (I mean… it’s not like you were doing much to help on that front, either…). Are you mad?!! This is a human being… not a suit of armor! Oh, I see why Talia’s having problems – she’s gotten Batman and Iron Man mixed up! Bruce tries to interject, but Talia tells him to SHUT UP!! …yes, this looks like a very stable and functional relationship! Gordon tries to tell Miss al Ghul that Batman doesn’t like other people to treat his wounds, which leads Talia to ask if everyone here is insane… at which point Batman compliments her dress and asks if it’s a Gershon, and Talia proceeds to spend a whole sequence giggling like a schoolgirl while spinning around in place to show the dress off. Relationship tips from the Batman… when in doubt, compliment her clothes, and she’ll immediately be distracted from whatever you were arguing about! Talia, by the way, is by far the most prominent female character in Odyssey, and her portrayal… is not great (despite Adams being one of her creators…). But more on that as we go on…
Well, Batman’s attempt to distract Talia doesn’t work for long, as she realizes what he was doing and snaps at him that this was serious, people could have been killed! Batman then asks her who would want to steal this stuff – and, more to the point, who would be stupid enough to steal from Ra’s al Ghul. Dr. Petrason – who’s been standing around silently with his daughter in the background ever since Gordon showed up – wonders if maybe something else is going on here. Batman agrees, thinking it was a very expensive and dangerous smoke screen while Talia starts fussing over Petrason’s daughter (whose name we now learn is Louise), who she calls a delightful little girl. She can’t believe that this beautiful child… was in the midst of this raging horror (yes, this is the same woman who called Batman you big ‘ol hero, you a few pages ago talking… consistent character voices, what’s that?) and Batman says that Petrason had no way of knowing this would happen when he brought her along. Oh my god. She… could have been killed. Oh, my dear child, Talia says.
…and, that’s when the Riddler, apparently annoyed at how everybody’s been ignoring him, comes bounding over (rather easily slipping away from the cops who were supposed to be holding him) and is still taunting Batman for not getting his riddle. Seriously, guy, just let it go at this point. After dinner mint? After dinner dessert? After dinner dinosaur? Ya-ha-ha-ha-ha! Louise Petrason just says daddy in what I can only read as an absolutely baffled voice; truly, this child speaks for us all. And then Batman, apparently fed up too, grabs the Riddler by the mouth. Back off, jerk, with your after dinner………after dinner… Robin thinks it must be “mint”, but Batman says no – based on the rhyming pattern, it has to be water! Gordon protests that the Riddler was robbing the Mint, but Batman says that per the original riddle (from issue one, if you’ll recall) it was specified that you can’t eat any more. You can’t have a mint. You can have… what rhymes with “order?” It’s water! H2O! And, okay, many reviewers have pointed this out before me, but unless you have a very thick Boston accent, “order” does not rhyme with “water!” And, I mean, mints are a pretty common thing one gets at a nice restaurant in the US with your check… is the complementary after-dinner water really a thing? Batman, though, keeps fixating on how “order” rhymes with “water” and how the Riddler gave the real clue inside the fake one. He asks Dr. Petrason if the hydrogen cars have exhaust traps, and finds they do – including one that has a glass taped under it. Batman takes the glass, turns on the exhaust, and fills the glass with water… which he promptly drinks, as Robin and Gordon watch in horror. But the emission is pure water, perfectly safe to drink, as Batman takes a moment to explain the science behind why (while Talia strikes a seductive pose in the corner, for some unexplained reason). Aaaand, we’re back at the science lesson, yay. Adams must have really been into hydrogen cars. And apparently the exhaust water from hydrogen cars is, in theory, safe to drink in real life, so… point in Neal Adams’ court? That doesn’t change the fact that the comic panel, depicting Batman blissfully drinking from a glass of perfectly normal water while Gordon and Robin are freaking out about it, looks absolutely surreal out of context.
Robin still thinks it’s icky, while Gordon explains that the hydrogen cars are expensive; Batman doesn’t get why, since they don’t even have internal combustion engines (Dr. Petrason breaks in to say he works on the cooling system). Gordon wonders what this all means (as do we all…) and Batman says it doesn’t fit together. This is a puppet show and all our strings have been yanked… and we’re dangling like fools. Well, he’s not wrong… He thinks that the man… or men behind all this (what, doesn’t Batman think women can be evil masterminds? If I was Talia – who, I’ll add, is standing right there – I’d be offended!) haven’t even made their first move. This is just the setup. The first question to which is who is this man? Well… someone specific is behind all of this, and we will end up finding out who it is, but if the reveal is actually worth it… you be the judge. And then Batman suddenly swerves and drops a revelation about a different man’s identity. This man is not the Riddler. His name is Reuben Irons. Dun. Dun. Dun. Of course – the dreaded Reuben Irons! *beat* Wait a minute, who is Reuben Irons? This name has never been mentioned once in the comic before! And if you want to find out, you’ll have to wait until next time, as the issue ends here.
This issue… continues to be a mess. Are you really surprised? First, we open with yet another flashback, this time to Bruce’s weird conversation with Alfred meaning that yet again we have two nested layers of framing devices (though that seems to be largely forgotten as the issue goes on). We spend too long on Batman being shot in the face, though the ensuing fight scene is solid (and takes up much of the issue, hence why this sporking is a bit shorter than the last two) as Batman and Robin methodically demolish the goons. But then Gordon, Talia and the Riddler show up, characters’ voices become completely inconsistent, the resolution to the Riddler’s riddle is just headscratch inducing, we get more infodumping on hydrogen cars, Batman teases future plot points… and then the issue ends on a baffling note as it turns out the Riddler isn’t the Riddler, but some guy we’ve never heard of before? Huh? And after three damned issues, we’re still at the pier, with no sign of leaving any time soon; some odyssey! Anyway, that’s it for today. Next time, we learn about Reuben Irons… and the comic loses what little sense of coherence it had left. We’ll see you then!
Warning: This post contains some violence, and is also image-heavy.
MG: Well, everyone, it’s time to continue our journey through the wild and weird world of Neal Adams’ Batman: Odyssey! Last time, a naked Bruce Wayne continued telling us a story about a time he was at a pier, gave a bunch of goons a lesson on the science of hydrogen cars in between beating them up before getting shot a lot, and then flashing back to an earlier adventure when he himself shot a whole lot of bullets at a train car full of passengers, in an ostensible attempt to save them. Today, it’s time to see how Batman survives the debacle on the pier (which we know he does, because he has to in order to be the one telling us this!) while meanwhile we start learning a bit more about what is actually going on here. Our cover today, for once, does not involve Batman getting shot at; instead, we see Batman heading down a tunnel alone, with what appears to be both Alfred and Robin watching him from the entrance; meanwhile, Alfred, Robin and the rocks they’re standing on seem to be drawn in such a way as to create the outline of a gloating face. None of this will be particularly relevant to this issue.
We open, once again, with a naked Bruce Wayne narrating at us… but now he’s literally leaning across the table, reaching out a hand for us and staring at us with longing. Uh… okay. But, wow – just three issues in, and Bruce already seems to be getting desperate! Bruce is telling us about how Alfred was angry about something (he practically owns me… uh, care to elaborate a bit more about your relationship with Alfred, Bruce?) which then leads him into an extended tangent about the emotional barriers he places around himself and how easily they could come tumbling down. And then we cut to a flashback… at some point that clearly isn’t the pier or the train, but a hitherto unknown and unlabeled fourth time period! *applauds sarcastically* We’re at the Batcave, and Bruce… appears to be in the middle of a temper tantrum. I hate this! I hate-hate this! Bull! No, let it out, Bruce – tell us how you really feel! Alfred – who is holding up a syringe rather ominously – comments that he heard it the first time, and then Bruce starts ranting about how it’s all turned out wrong! Alfred sarcastically comments that he’s being Charming. Erudite. Avuncular, and Bruce tells him to forget it. Frankly, more of this book would probably be improved with Alfred’s snarky, dry running commentary on events… but sadly, he’s not going to be around for long stretches of it (and will even get to miss out on some of the weirder parts!).
It turns out Bruce is upset because some serial killer named Harry Tree (Or did Bruce mishear the name and it’s really Hairy Tree, Treebeard’s homicidal cousin? It’s Odyssey, you can never quite be sure!) has murdered another woman, and Bruce feels responsible for not having stopped him. Apparently, Bruce had captured him at some point (spoilers: this character has not appeared before, and will not be appearing in the comic, at any point in the timeline) but he got away. Alfred wonders if Bruce wanted to kill him, and Bruce admits he thinks he should have (and then ruins the dramatic moment by hopping up and striking a very silly pose). Alfred doesn’t think much of the idea, leading Bruce to snap at him and call him a bloody stuffed shirt (which just makes me wonder if Bruce is using “bloody” in the British sense – to mock Alfred? Rude! – or if the insult is literally comparing him to an actually blood-stained shirt – with Neal Adams’ writing, one can never quite be sure!). Alfred wryly forgives Bruce for not being perfect, and then Bruce admits it makes no difference – Harry Tree’s victim is still dead. Alfred wonders why Bruce is still talking about it, then (because he feels guilty? I thought he made that pretty clear…) and so Bruce tells him to go to hell, you freak. *flatly* Go to hell, you freak, really? No wonder Batman has a reputation for being antisocial – if this is how he talks to his confidante and father figure, imagine how he talks to everyone else!
Alfred wonders if this is where I exit stage right, with a look of concern on my butler-ish face (“butler-ish face?” Does Alfred think all butlers look alike? Then again, this is the DC universe, and a very strange series at that – maybe Neal Adams is hinting that Alfred is actually a series of clones?). The two of them banter a bit more, and Alfred finally asks if Bruce wants to talk about what happened this evening. To which Bruce responds yes, I’d like that, old friend, with a suddenly almost blissfully serene expression on his face (all the more jarring because in the previous panel, he was grimacing like he was about to attack Alfred – maybe Alfred jabbed him with the syringe off-panel, and the tranquilizer’s starting to take effect?). And I’ll note we go from “go the hell, you freak” to “I’d like that, old friend,” in the space of a single conversation. What a difference a few panels make!
So, Alfred and Bruce start talking about what happened at the pier (am I the only one getting whiplash that we started out by talking about Harry Tree, and then it turns out the pier was what was really troubling Bruce all along?), and now we know when we are – later that night, after Bruce got home from that little misadventure! Whew! On the other hand, why we’re having this story told in anachronic order, jumping between different time periods, still escapes me… Bruce describes how he went down after being shot so many times (funny, he looks decidedly… un-shot… when he’s talking to Alfred, even though the gym clothes he’s wearing there don’t cover much…) And then we flash back to the pier, with Batman lying in a heap in a puddle of his own blood, while the hijackers argue about whether they should shoot him in the face. Yes, literally – one of them is telling the other to shoot Batman and take the credit, while the other one literally says but… in the face? Like this is some strange, foreign concept to him. Finally, the first hijacker says if his accomplice can’t do it, he will, so the second hijacker gives in. Oh, God… I’m shootin’ Batman… in the face. *flatly* Yes, I think we’ve clearly established that… Oh, and then he thinks to himself that he’ll splash (which, again, Bruce somehow knows, since he’s the one narrating this to us – or rather, he’s telling us about the time he told Alfred about this and oh dear God) and, um… ew?
Anyway, just before the guy pulls the trigger, Batman whispers a name. Alfred Pennyworth. And then he shoots, and Bruce waxes poetic about it. Blasts of white-hot light, bolts of electricity circling my brain and inserting into the back of my head. Distant, muffled… immediately explosive thunder. A strobing, terrified, wondering set of eyeballs and fingers protecting his thuggish face from the splash of my brain chunks. The worst part… besides my head jacking around, was the very real impression… that it would never end. In retrospect… he only fired three slugs… but it seemed endless… like… my life had been reduced to waiting for that next slug. And then… it was over. Except… for the white… hot… RAGE! Batman has been the Hulk the whole time! What a twist! …and with that rage… came crystal clarity. …or, maybe not! Meanwhile, the hijacker is now crowing to his friends about how Batman is dead now (dude… you didn’t even take his pulse! And didn’t you notice that his face, uh, has pretty obviously not been blown up?). And we cut back to Bruce’s narration, as he mentions how he had a transparent, bulletproof face shield in his cowl… which hadn’t been remotely foreshadowed at all, but I guess when you’re Batman, you can just declare “I was prepared for this!” retroactively… and you were! And this isn’t even the worst case of that in this comic… Also, Alfred’s name was apparently the password to activate it. In other words, someone who is publicly connected to Bruce Wayne, but not to Batman. Doing a real good job of protecting the old secret identity there, Bruce… *applauds sarcastically*
But Batman jumps up and punches out the shooter, before proceeding to take down the rest of the hijackers. One of whom he punches so hard the guy sprays blood everywhere, from his mouth and his… ear, I guess? Yeesh. More hijackers burst in and start shooting, and Batman feigns flight, while thinking to himself that There’s no way to compare a truly trained man to a group of thugs. Unless whoever hired these guys proved to be willing to splurge for some actual professional mercenaries with real training… that would be awkward… Time moves differently… Time crawls, but the trained man is comfortable in this sped up/slowed down time. Now that just makes me think Batman has confiscated and is using that time manipulating device the Clock King had in one Batman: The Animated Series episode… Thinking to himself about how criminals are a superstitious and cowardly lot, Batman turns around and lunges back at them, daring them to shoot him while he’s already covered in blood, and the sight is apparently disturbing enough that the hijackers break and Batman is able to take them down. To a trained man… they are moving in slow motion… the trained man sees himself through their eyes. Last time it sounded like Batman was doing a paid advertisement for hydrogen cars… now I think he’s doing one for his own training regimen! But he continues fighting his way through the goons, who think he’s a monster. We spend several panels of him methodically picking the hijackers off, in a bit that’s reminiscent of the dock fight in Batman Begins. I wonder if that was deliberate or not? On the other hand, Batman also thinks of them briefly as poignantly dangerous… uh, was that the word you were actually looking for there, Adams?
As Batman finishes taking down the hijackers, he thinks to himself that the things you can learn to do with hundreds of hours of training is just short of amazing (so… it’s not actually amazing, then?). But seriously, it’s starting to sound like this really has been a very violent commercial for Bruce Wayne’s personal training regimen… Eventually, Robin shows up to help (where’s he been during all of this, anyway? Checking his texts?) reminding the goons that he told them not to shoot “heroes.” As the two of them take down the last of the hijackers (how many of them are there, anyway?) together, Batman finally thinks about some of what his training actually entailed. Apparently, it involved… watching old Toshiro Mifune movies in slow motion so he could study his moves. Yes, really. Nothing mentioned (here, at least) about all the years he spent traveling around the world to learn from the great masters – just watching old movies slowed down, that’ll do the trick! I can’t help but feel a bit underwhelmed.
Once the goons are all down, Batman explains how his suit was bulletproof (more for the reader’s benefit than Robin’s, presumably) even if it didn’t stand up quite as well as he’d hoped, and Robin calls Gordon to let him know he can move in. And when Gordon shows up – he’s brought the Riddler with him! Because apparently the Riddler folded easily at the Mint and the police arrested him… and for some inexplicable reason, they brought the known supervillain along with them to the other in-progress crime scene! The Riddler starts taunting Batman, since he was supposed to come to the Mint, and calls him Nimrod, which confuses Robin, since he doesn’t think that makes sense from the Riddler (uh, Batman called a guy Fudd earlier this evening – you guys’ insult game isn’t anything to write home about today, either). Riddler continues to mock Batman for not getting his riddle, while Gordon gushes about how well the special task force that Batman helped design (wait, since when does Batman design task forces for the police?) performed. Gordon, though, finally says what we’re all thinking – why did Batman come to the pier, and not to the Mint? Batman points out that it makes no sense for someone to steal the dinosaur bones and models – even if they’re valuable, they’re too big to be easily moved. Riddler comments that it’s a riddle (you are a master of the obvious…) and Gordon adds that this is actually a private collection. Batman is confused, since it’s being delivered to the Gotham Museum of Natural History, so Gordon clarifies that it’s a private donation to the museum from her father. He points off-page, and the next panel reveals the “her” in question to be… Talia al Ghul! Dun, dun, dun!
Talia confirms that the donation was from her father… and then adds you big ‘ol hero, you. Yes, for whatever reason, in this issue the usually eloquent Talia either, depending on who you’re asking, talks like a valley girl or speaks in baby talk, and no, I have no idea why. She just does. Gordon is surprised that Batman and Talia know each other (so, uh… I guess Bruce just never got around to telling Gordon about the man he considers, in most continuities, to be his most dangerous enemy or the fact that that man has a daughter, huh? Seems like an oversight, Bats…). Talia is distracted as she sees that Batman is badly injured and rushes to his side; Batman just says that defending the Triassic and Jurassic is hard work. You are aware you weren’t defending actual, live dinosaurs aren’t you, Batman? Maybe that’s why he was so insistent he go to the pier… (then again, if he was that determined to see actual dinosaurs… by the end of this series, he’ll get his wish). Talia then pulls Batman into an embrace; c’mere you Cenozoic Tarzan. MMFP! Uh… is it weird that what immediately comes to mind is that the actual Tarzan lived in the Cenozoic (ie, the present era!) and therefore “Cenozoic Tarzan” is redundant? Maybe Talia needs to check up on her Edgar Rice Burroughs and/or Disney. Hey, maybe Bruce will watch with her, if she’ll let him slow it down!
Finally, Batman pulls away and tells Talia that this is dangerous and massive grand larceny… of… your father’s property! Uh, I think she knows… pretty sure that’s why she’s here in the first place! Talia herself just says and you’re protecting Daddy’s stuff… from the big ‘ol crooks. You deserve a big ‘ol sloppy kiss. Okay… who is this person and what has she done with Talia? Because I can’t think of a single version of Talia al Ghul who talks like… whatever this is supposed to be! Batman and Talia go back to kissing, to which Robin’s response is yuck, yuck (not sure how old Dick is supposed to be here – the first issue mentioned he had finals week recently, but not what level of schooling he’s at, though I’d assume at least high school from how he’s drawn - but I’d think he’d be old enough to be over “girls have cooties” by now!). And then suddenly Talia pulls away from Batman and starts haranguing Gordon for not having brought in anyone to treat him yet (I mean… it’s not like you were doing much to help on that front, either…). Are you mad?!! This is a human being… not a suit of armor! Oh, I see why Talia’s having problems – she’s gotten Batman and Iron Man mixed up! Bruce tries to interject, but Talia tells him to SHUT UP!! …yes, this looks like a very stable and functional relationship! Gordon tries to tell Miss al Ghul that Batman doesn’t like other people to treat his wounds, which leads Talia to ask if everyone here is insane… at which point Batman compliments her dress and asks if it’s a Gershon, and Talia proceeds to spend a whole sequence giggling like a schoolgirl while spinning around in place to show the dress off. Relationship tips from the Batman… when in doubt, compliment her clothes, and she’ll immediately be distracted from whatever you were arguing about! Talia, by the way, is by far the most prominent female character in Odyssey, and her portrayal… is not great (despite Adams being one of her creators…). But more on that as we go on…
Well, Batman’s attempt to distract Talia doesn’t work for long, as she realizes what he was doing and snaps at him that this was serious, people could have been killed! Batman then asks her who would want to steal this stuff – and, more to the point, who would be stupid enough to steal from Ra’s al Ghul. Dr. Petrason – who’s been standing around silently with his daughter in the background ever since Gordon showed up – wonders if maybe something else is going on here. Batman agrees, thinking it was a very expensive and dangerous smoke screen while Talia starts fussing over Petrason’s daughter (whose name we now learn is Louise), who she calls a delightful little girl. She can’t believe that this beautiful child… was in the midst of this raging horror (yes, this is the same woman who called Batman you big ‘ol hero, you a few pages ago talking… consistent character voices, what’s that?) and Batman says that Petrason had no way of knowing this would happen when he brought her along. Oh my god. She… could have been killed. Oh, my dear child, Talia says.
…and, that’s when the Riddler, apparently annoyed at how everybody’s been ignoring him, comes bounding over (rather easily slipping away from the cops who were supposed to be holding him) and is still taunting Batman for not getting his riddle. Seriously, guy, just let it go at this point. After dinner mint? After dinner dessert? After dinner dinosaur? Ya-ha-ha-ha-ha! Louise Petrason just says daddy in what I can only read as an absolutely baffled voice; truly, this child speaks for us all. And then Batman, apparently fed up too, grabs the Riddler by the mouth. Back off, jerk, with your after dinner………after dinner… Robin thinks it must be “mint”, but Batman says no – based on the rhyming pattern, it has to be water! Gordon protests that the Riddler was robbing the Mint, but Batman says that per the original riddle (from issue one, if you’ll recall) it was specified that you can’t eat any more. You can’t have a mint. You can have… what rhymes with “order?” It’s water! H2O! And, okay, many reviewers have pointed this out before me, but unless you have a very thick Boston accent, “order” does not rhyme with “water!” And, I mean, mints are a pretty common thing one gets at a nice restaurant in the US with your check… is the complementary after-dinner water really a thing? Batman, though, keeps fixating on how “order” rhymes with “water” and how the Riddler gave the real clue inside the fake one. He asks Dr. Petrason if the hydrogen cars have exhaust traps, and finds they do – including one that has a glass taped under it. Batman takes the glass, turns on the exhaust, and fills the glass with water… which he promptly drinks, as Robin and Gordon watch in horror. But the emission is pure water, perfectly safe to drink, as Batman takes a moment to explain the science behind why (while Talia strikes a seductive pose in the corner, for some unexplained reason). Aaaand, we’re back at the science lesson, yay. Adams must have really been into hydrogen cars. And apparently the exhaust water from hydrogen cars is, in theory, safe to drink in real life, so… point in Neal Adams’ court? That doesn’t change the fact that the comic panel, depicting Batman blissfully drinking from a glass of perfectly normal water while Gordon and Robin are freaking out about it, looks absolutely surreal out of context.
Robin still thinks it’s icky, while Gordon explains that the hydrogen cars are expensive; Batman doesn’t get why, since they don’t even have internal combustion engines (Dr. Petrason breaks in to say he works on the cooling system). Gordon wonders what this all means (as do we all…) and Batman says it doesn’t fit together. This is a puppet show and all our strings have been yanked… and we’re dangling like fools. Well, he’s not wrong… He thinks that the man… or men behind all this (what, doesn’t Batman think women can be evil masterminds? If I was Talia – who, I’ll add, is standing right there – I’d be offended!) haven’t even made their first move. This is just the setup. The first question to which is who is this man? Well… someone specific is behind all of this, and we will end up finding out who it is, but if the reveal is actually worth it… you be the judge. And then Batman suddenly swerves and drops a revelation about a different man’s identity. This man is not the Riddler. His name is Reuben Irons. Dun. Dun. Dun. Of course – the dreaded Reuben Irons! *beat* Wait a minute, who is Reuben Irons? This name has never been mentioned once in the comic before! And if you want to find out, you’ll have to wait until next time, as the issue ends here.
This issue… continues to be a mess. Are you really surprised? First, we open with yet another flashback, this time to Bruce’s weird conversation with Alfred meaning that yet again we have two nested layers of framing devices (though that seems to be largely forgotten as the issue goes on). We spend too long on Batman being shot in the face, though the ensuing fight scene is solid (and takes up much of the issue, hence why this sporking is a bit shorter than the last two) as Batman and Robin methodically demolish the goons. But then Gordon, Talia and the Riddler show up, characters’ voices become completely inconsistent, the resolution to the Riddler’s riddle is just headscratch inducing, we get more infodumping on hydrogen cars, Batman teases future plot points… and then the issue ends on a baffling note as it turns out the Riddler isn’t the Riddler, but some guy we’ve never heard of before? Huh? And after three damned issues, we’re still at the pier, with no sign of leaving any time soon; some odyssey! Anyway, that’s it for today. Next time, we learn about Reuben Irons… and the comic loses what little sense of coherence it had left. We’ll see you then!
