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masterghandalfThis is a repost from Das_Sporking2. Previous installments of this spork may be found here.
Warning: This post contains discussion of slavery.
MG: Well, everyone, it’s time to continue our journey through Robert Newcomb’s The Scrolls of the Ancients! Last time, Tristan was rescued by one of Newcomb’s better characters, the surprisingly awesome pirate captain Tyranny, while Slave Twenty-Nine tried to commit suicide to escape his bonds, and ended up being shown something horrible that he doesn’t share with us as punishment and threat. Today, we have a series of short chapters as we check in with a bunch of characters, starting with, ugh, Wigg and Faegan. Joy. This is also the beginning of Part III: Regret. Joining us today will be Irinali and Ash!
Chapter Twenty-Six
Irinali: …I already regret agreeing to this; does that count? Because this is the start of a new Part, we open with an epigraph, this one from, alas, Wigg’s personal diary.
“Regret . . . such a simple, easy word to say. And yet—for so many of us—so difficult to dismiss from our memories. What other single word conjures up not only such sublime sorrow, but also the sweet, forlorn loss of what might have been? Act upon act, regret upon regret, turning with the time enchantments forever. Even so, it is not the wise man who casts away such memories, but rather the foolish one.”
Irinali: Well, Wigg certainly does have plenty to regret, if he’s even capable of such an emotion. Not that I expect it to be resolved in a satisfying manner, mind. And the quote itself mostly seems to be a rather pretentious way of saying things everyone already understands. Lovely. We then open the proper chapter with Faegan, as he comments that Wigg has a distinct twinkle in your eye that Faegan hasn’t seen since his return to Tammerland. Well, I’m so glad that something about this appalling situation has made Wigg so happy. Ugh. We also learn that they’re currently flying in a Minion-drawn litter as Faegan goes on, complimenting Wigg on his relationship with Abbey. *she sniffs* Oh, please. I’ve no doubt Abbey can do much better (as for my own tastes, insofar as I have them, they run towards men who are young, pretty, and know when to keep their mouths shut, none of which describes Wigg). Wigg, meanwhile, just scowls at him, shivers at the cold – for once, something Wigg and I can relate on! – and hopes they arrive at their destination soon.
Ash: It turns out that Wigg had expected Faegan to bring this up long before and is glad he at least chose a private moment for it (I suppose even Faegan can manage a bare modicum of tact sometimes…). We also learn that Wigg hasn’t told Faegan about it, but Faegan guessed. “There is a boyish spring in your step and a recurring smile on your face that I have not seen for three centuries. The others may not notice, but I do.” Huh; this is something that could be cute, if I liked either of these people… unfortunately, I don’t. Wigg says he wants to keep it quiet, and Faegan agrees (…I don’t trust him) and they keep going in silence. We learn that they’ve been traveling for hours and are almost at their destination, and have some not-terribly-thrilling description of the landscape below them I won’t bother you all with. Finally they reach the coast, and Wigg spots the rock formation that marks their destination and signals the Minions to land.
Both wizards gazed silently at the dark, majestic stone face. It was not a new sight for them—the Woman of Stone had long been an attraction of some note for Eutracian citizens—but no matter how many times one had seen it, viewing it was always an eerie, awe-inspiring experience. Especially now, given the revelation that the image before them apparently held far more secrets than anyone had previously imagined.
Irinali: …you’re not doing a great job at making me feel the awe, Newcomb, I must say. Wigg gets out, and Faegan levitates his chair out to join them. Wigg tells the Minions to wait, but warns them he doesn’t know how long they’ll be in here and gives them permission to hunt or fetch supplies should it be long enough for the provisions they brought to run out. Though he does admit they may not come out – what does he expect the Minions to do, wait there until they die of old age, in that case? *she sighs* Of course he would! Ox goes to pass his instructions to the others, and then we finally get a decent description of this location:
The face was large—at least ten meters high and another four or five meters across—and impressive. Beautiful, but at the same time commanding. Long strands of stone hair hung down past the shoulders to descend into the sea, and the huge eyes lay peacefully closed behind heavy, seductive lids. The nose was slim; the lips were both sensuous and inviting; the cheekbones were high and elegant. Black as night and polished to a smooth luster by the sea, she seemed the very picture of serene, detached femininity.
Whether a face of such elegance and detail could have been carved naturally from the waves had been a great subject of debate for as long as Eutracia had existed. There was a distinct minority who insisted she must be a purely natural phenomenon—a freak of nature, as it were. Most, however, argued that she was far too refined, far too perfect to be an accident, and must therefore be the result of some arcane use of the craft from eons earlier. Wigg was entirely convinced it was the latter.
Irinali: There are people who think this obvious work of art could have been created by random erosion? Idiots. And don’t think I didn’t notice the fact that we had to know that the face’s expression is “seductive” or the implication that being beautiful and commanding is somehow contradictory. Lest we forget just who is writing this. As the wizards approach, however, the Paragon begins to glow, surprisingly with a red light and not “azure.” Then without warning two bolts of light shoot out from it and strike the statue’s eyes, and after a moment of the wizards being confused, the eyes begin to open. *rolls her own eyes* Oh, look, the face was deliberately created after all, how very shocking.
Gender Wars: 35
Plot-Induced Stupidity: 57
Ash: The lids open to reveal azure eyes – there we go! – and then the statue speaks in a compassionate, yet strong voice, recognizing that the wizards are, indeed, wizards, and that they carry the Paragon and therefore she revealed herself. She also tells them well done even though all they did was carry the Paragon here, something I’m quite sure anyone could have done. Wigg asks if she is the watchwoman of the floating gardens mentioned in the Tome, and the face says she’s not; the watcher waits inside. The face is a construct left by the Ones Who Came Before – is anyone surprised? – to be the first tester of anyone who wants to enter the Chamber of Penitence. She asks if they do want to enter, and Faegan confirms it. The face adds that there is a psychic price – Dark Maiden, who let the mind flayers in here! – to be paid for entry and they may not survive, but of course, the face can’t say what it is. Only the watchwoman can. Who is inside… and they can’t speak to until after they’ve entered… well, this seems to be a problem… First, if they wish to enter, the face must confirm they don’t follow the Vagaries and then adds that there is so much they still haven’t learned about their history or their magic. While I suspect the latter is indeed true (but does that mean we have even more exposition in our future? Gods help us all!) but I can assure you they’ve done plenty of harm as followers of the Vigors!
Irinali: Faegan begs to learn more, but the face won’t tell him, since that isn’t her purpose (of course not…) she’s just here to test them. She asks for them both to hold up their wrists, and, of course, a pinprick of blood is drawn from each of them. Why am I not surprised? Oh, and even floating in midair the drops start forming their blood signatures… I’m rather more comfortable with blood in all its forms than most people, and even I find this whole concept unbearably disturbing. The face narrows her eyes and the blood signatures enlarge until they’re each two meters across – by the Keeper! – and then the wizards watch in awe (awe at their own blood, mind you – if that doesn’t sum up this series, what does?) until the blood disappears. The face says that she’s confirmed they both follow the Vigors (which, of course, is obvious from a person’s blood alone…) and that they both may enter if they wish, which they do.
Her mouth opened wider, exposing perfect, white teeth. Farther and farther her lips parted, until the opening was about two meters high. Only fathomless darkness could be seen beyond, its depths occasionally interrupted by haunting, eerie flashes of azure light, like lightning across a night sky. Then her eyes closed, and she remained still.
Irinali: …the door is her mouth. Am I the only one beginning to think this is all a scam and is, in fact, the way the face eats? Apparently, the thought doesn’t occur to the wizards, who both enter the, ah, passageway. We then cut to the Minions as they watch the mouth close behind them – see! – and the chapter ends there.
Blood Matters: 107
Contrivances and Coincidences: 31 (of course the face can’t tell them anything useful…)
Protagonist-Centered Morality: 53 (practicing the Vigors is the only qualification for entrance…)
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Ash: And so, we open with Rebecca as the poor girl tells her brother Marcus that she’s afraid and has never done anything like this before. She’s shivering with cold and hunger – oh, you poor thing! I wish I could help you – as she haltingly follows her brother across Bargainer’s Square in Tammerland, which we’re reminded has become a hotbed of vice and crime after the fall of the wizards and the guard. *she snorts dismissively* Because we just needed to be reminded of Newcomb’s opinion of ordinary people, didn’t we? We have a digression about how horrible even Marcus thinks the place has become (if only there were still some royals and wizards left who might try to help these people…) and how they’re not far from where the pedophiles attacked him a few chapters ago. Because we needed a reminder of that. The children are heading towards a nearby shop which Marcus thinks might be able to help them with the Scroll. He speaks encouragingly to Rebecca as they go, telling her to keep her head down and trust him, as they cross the square, and we get a lovely description of it:
Shouting, cursing, and the smells of bad food and cheap liquor wafted on the breeze. Street vendors, each of them trying to holler louder than the next, filled the area. Virtually all of the men and many of the women were armed in some fashion. Seeing two children walking alone in this part of town was highly unusual, and many furtive, lecherous glances came their way. Whores, pimps, and male prostitutes stood on the corners, their leering smiles tacitly promising sex for money. Cockfights and dogfights could easily be found in the alleyways, with men and women crowded around them, eagerly throwing their money away.
Gratuitous Grimdark: 33
Irinali: *sniffs* Despite what some people might say of my current country of residence, I can assure you that in Karrnath, all of this would be regulated, regimented, heavily taxed, and kept carefully out of the public eye, by order of King Kaius. Public order must be maintained, after all. Well, the children manage to reach the shop, and Marcus tells Rebecca to wait here while he goes inside (what, and leave your sister alone near the place where you yourself were recently attacked? Foolish boy!). If he doesn’t come back out in a few minutes, she is to come in and follow some instructions he previously gave her and try to get away when he leaves and meet up with him later. All of which seems rather complicated to me, though I suppose children don’t always have the best judgment about such things. Marcus goes in, and we learn that the shop sells expensive rugs – and, despite the state of the city, the shopkeeper is apparently quite busy with demanding customers. Because of course, what everyone wants when the whole country has gone to Khyber is fancy rugs *rolls her eyes*.
Plot-Induced Stupidity: 58
Ash: …maybe the shop is a front, and it’s actually a smuggling operation? Or a fence? That might explain why Marcus thinks they can help with the Scroll… Well, Marcus makes his way in, looks around, and then motions for Becca to come in as well. She slowly walks up to the proprietor, Marcus puts down the bag he’s been carrying, then he motions for her to start the next step of the plan. It has often been said that the high-pitched, earsplitting scream coming from a young girl is unequaled, and Rebecca’s proved no exception. Taking great lungfuls of air, she screamed for all she was worth, sending shock waves through the little shop. The outcry was so piercing that at first Marcus thought the glass panes in the double doors might burst. *stunned* I was expecting that perhaps a young girl with a limp might play to the shopkeeper’s sympathies. This… I was not expecting. Becca starts jumping up and down and screaming about snakes, and it turns out that snakes are indeed what was in Marcus’s bag (when and how did he collect those?). All the patrons, naturally, start panicking themselves between the screams and the snakes and start running around in confusion (though we have to have it spelled out that it’s the women who are screaming while the men just stand there in frozen horror like lumps). Oh, and apparently the snakes are especially large, hungry, and highly agitated, which just makes me wonder again how Marcus wrangled them all up. And, in fact, we learn!
Long, thick, and brightly patterned, these snakes were known as slickribbons, and they were very quick. Marcus had boldly stolen an entire wire cage full of them from the front shelf of one of the exotic animal vendors in the square, and then had run for his life, narrowly avoiding being caught. Black, shiny, and menacing-looking, slickribbons had triangular yellow markings on their backs, making them highly prized for their skins. They were not venomous or harmful to humans in any way, but right now the terrified people in the shop didn’t care about that. All they wanted to do—the proprietor included—was get out.
Ash: …why does this extremely isolated kingdom that is currently in anarchy even have functioning “exotic animal vendors,” anyway? What does “exotic” even mean to people who didn’t even know other countries existed until the last year or so? But as everyone flees the shop, Marcus manages to grab a rolled-up rug, which he thinks is the right size for what he needs. Ah, let me guess – he’s going to wrap the Scroll in it to hide the glowing? That’s kind of disappointing, honestly. I was sure he was going to sell it… Anyway, Marcus makes his way out with the rest of the crowd, looking as innocent as possible, while Rebecca, who’s clearly decided this is great fun after all, follows after him, and the chapter ends.
Contrivances and Coincidences: 32 (of course the market just happened to be conveniently selling snakes…)
Gender Wars: 36
Plot-Induced Stupidity: 60 (I really don’t think this plan would have worked…)
MG: And since these chapters are all pretty short, one more for the day!
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Irinali: Oh, goody. And so, we open with Krassus, sitting in a big chair at the Scriptorium in the Citadel, where he’s finally arrived and feeling quite pleased with himself. He only just arrived an hour ago, and was immediately greeted by Janus and the Consuls who gave him the good news about finding Wulfgar. Well, getting good news as soon as you arrive home is a pleasant feeling, I have to say! We learn that Krassus is so excited he keeps going over Wulfgar’s blood signature himself, just to reassure himself that it is in fact the real deal, and that’s what he’s doing in the Scriptorium right now. But he’s already compared it to both Morganna’s and to her old boyfriend Eric’s, and he has no real doubt that Wulfgar is indeed their son. And of course, his blood is special.
Nicholas had told him that Wulfgar’s signature would be a thing of wonder. But nothing had prepared Krassus for the likes of what now lay before him. Never before had he seen such a left-leaning signature. Only two others were known to deviate so widely from the vertical axis. Those belonged to the Chosen Ones themselves, and they both leaned to the right. Taking his eye from the lens, he looked at the assay mark written on the corner of the parchment: 11⁄2. The blood quality was equal to that of Princess Shailiha, and second only to that of Tristan himself.
Blood Matters: 109
Gender Wars: 37 (of course we have to have our regular reminder that Shailiha’s blood is slightly inferior to her brother’s…)
Ash: I could go my whole life without ever hearing about endowed blood ever again; goddess, if you’re listening? Well, now that Krassus has both the Scroll of the Vagaries and Wulfgar he’s ready to proceed, and he thinks about how he’ll be unstoppable if he gets the Scroll of the Vigors, too (because of course he does…). We then get a description of his surroundings:
He looked around this part of the Scriptorium. Built of the palest tan marble, the room was light and airy, and its floor was partially covered with highly patterned rugs. The stained-glass windows—now open to let in the sun and the salt air—were numerous. Bookcase after bookcase lined the walls. The texts and scrolls on their shelves were dusty from long neglect, but they would not remain that way much longer. The Scroll of the Vagaries lay nearby on another desk, the engraved gold band around its middle still tightly imprisoning the knowledge contained within.
Ash: Krassus then gets up and walks over to the window to watch the ocean, thinking about how Nicholas told him how to find this place and what his mission should be, and how his endowed blood sang at the thought of it. Because of course it did. He then recalls how he was captured by one of Nicholas’s hatchlings and brought to him along with the other Consuls, and how as he was First Alternate Nicholas kept him separate and imbued his blood – of course it was in his blood – with Forestallments to turn him to the Vagaries. So, yes. It sounds like Krassus was literally brainwashed into switching sides. Want to bet that Newcomb won’t actually deal with this meaningfully at all?
Krassus’ instructions had come to him the very day the Chosen One and Nicholas had first met, deep in the bowels of the Caves. Not only had Nicholas asked Tristan to join his cause, but he had also promised him a lifetime of ecstasy practicing the Vagaries. But in his ridiculous loyalty to the insipid Vigors and the inferior wizards he commanded, the prince had not only refused Nicholas’ gracious offer, but had threatened to kill him, as well. And Krassus had been there the entire time, hiding in a small alcove to one side of the room, listening to every word. After the traitorous prince left, Nicholas had bid his new servant to join him. For Krassus, it had been like standing before a god.
Blood Matters: 111
Dastardly Deeds: 88 (for Krassus’ sneering villain internal monologue)
Protagonist-Centered Morality: 54
Retcons and Revelations: 18 (Krassus was totally there when Nicholas met Tristan, that’s totally what Newcomb intended all along!)
Irinali: So Krassus confirmed to Nicholas that he heard, but Nicholas repeated anyway that his own father meant to kill him and stop him from using the Gates, which Krassus just confirmed he heard because he was standing right there (and also, we all know that Nicholas accidentally killed himself with no input from Tristan, so it’s rather hard to take this seriously…). Nicholas then told him about the Scrolls and his role in Nicholas’s backup plan and dismissed him. Later, after Nicholas died, Krassus went to fetch the Scrolls and found one was missing, as we already knew – but luckily, the one that was there was the Scroll of the Vagaries, which was the more immediately useful to him anyway. So he used his new powers to create the demonslavers, commandeer ships, and start the slaving operation to search for Wulfgar. At the thought of all those Talis and R’talis slaves, his mouth turned upward at the corners. When all was said and done, those hiding in the Redoubt of the Directorate would pay, and pay dearly. And of course, we have to separate the slaves between endowed and unendowed, even in Krassus’ own mind. Because why not? He’s torn from his memories by another coughing fit and doubles over, spitting up blood – which begins tracing his blood signature as it falls, of course. Someone should really examine that… someone with a background in necromancy, perhaps? Krassus admits to himself that he knows he’s dying and commits himself to seeing his work complete before he goes… which means he needs to find the other Scroll.
Blood Matters: 112
Dastardly Deeds: 89
Exposition Intrusion: 130
Ash: Suddenly someone knocks on the door, and then Janus and Grizelda enter, flanked by two demonslavers. Krassus sits back at his desk and motions for them to sit across from him – seating arrangements, riveting – and Janus has news. The ship bearing the herbs and oils from Shadowood has arrived, ahead of schedule, though some of the slavers didn’t return and are presumed killed, probably by the wizards (actually, it was by two women, you misogynistic creep – whether I’m talking about Janus or Newcomb there, I’ll leave to your imagination). Krassus thinks it over and decides it really doesn’t matter, since whoever it was didn’t stop them from getting the components they need. Janus also reports that Wulfgar is alive and healthy, but remains rebellious, which he, of course, attributes to his unique bloodline *disgusted face*. Krassus confirms that he’s studied the blood signature and that this really is the Wulfgar, and asks about his relationship with Serena. Janus confirms that they’ve become close, that he’s given Serena special treatment at mealtimes to isolate her from the other slaves and allowed her to stay in Wulfgar’s quarters. All of which is apparently according to plan. *she sighs* Because of course it is. Krassus tells Grizelda to use the new herbs to continue her search for the Scroll of the Vigors, and once she’s found it, he’ll send her and Janus after it. Grizelda confirms she will, and Krassus says he’s going to go have a chat with Wulfgar and Serena, who are about to begin understanding the nature of their fates. Their reactions should prove to be most interesting. Oh, I’m not looking forward to this part… Janus leaves to escort Grizelda to her new quarters, while Krassus heads off to see Wulfgar, making his way through the Citadel’s winding corridors. He gets winded, but at last reaches the door; one of the guards warns him that Wulfgar is very strong, but Krassus says he’s a wizard of the craft… what could he do to me that I would not allow? And so Krassus opens the doors and strides inside; Wulfgar and Serena look up at him in surprise, and the chapter ends there.
MG: And so, it does! These three chapters are mostly transitional, to be honest. We get the wizards’ arrival at the Chamber of Penitence, Marcus and Becca making plans to hide the Scroll (which, for some reason, involves snakes) and Krassus arrival at the Citadel and a bit more about his plans and backstory, but aside from a number of Newcomb’s issues continuing to rear their head throughout, these chapters just aren’t all that interesting. The good news is that by the same token, they’re not egregiously terrible, either. Next time, Tristan travels with Tyranny (alliteration!), Celeste has a PTSD nightmare (handled with all the grace and tact we’ve come to expect from Newcomb…) and the wizards continue their quest The good news is, we’re almost halfway done! The bad news is, we still have a bit more than half a book to go. We’ll see you then! Our counts stand at:
Blood Matters: 114
Contrivances and Coincidences: 30
Dastardly Deeds: 90
Exposition Intrusion: 132
Gender Wars: 37
Gratuitous Grimdark: 33
Plot-Induced Stupidity: 58
Protagonist-Centered Morality: 54
Retcons and Revelations: 18
Warning: This post contains discussion of slavery.
MG: Well, everyone, it’s time to continue our journey through Robert Newcomb’s The Scrolls of the Ancients! Last time, Tristan was rescued by one of Newcomb’s better characters, the surprisingly awesome pirate captain Tyranny, while Slave Twenty-Nine tried to commit suicide to escape his bonds, and ended up being shown something horrible that he doesn’t share with us as punishment and threat. Today, we have a series of short chapters as we check in with a bunch of characters, starting with, ugh, Wigg and Faegan. Joy. This is also the beginning of Part III: Regret. Joining us today will be Irinali and Ash!
Chapter Twenty-Six
Irinali: …I already regret agreeing to this; does that count? Because this is the start of a new Part, we open with an epigraph, this one from, alas, Wigg’s personal diary.
“Regret . . . such a simple, easy word to say. And yet—for so many of us—so difficult to dismiss from our memories. What other single word conjures up not only such sublime sorrow, but also the sweet, forlorn loss of what might have been? Act upon act, regret upon regret, turning with the time enchantments forever. Even so, it is not the wise man who casts away such memories, but rather the foolish one.”
Irinali: Well, Wigg certainly does have plenty to regret, if he’s even capable of such an emotion. Not that I expect it to be resolved in a satisfying manner, mind. And the quote itself mostly seems to be a rather pretentious way of saying things everyone already understands. Lovely. We then open the proper chapter with Faegan, as he comments that Wigg has a distinct twinkle in your eye that Faegan hasn’t seen since his return to Tammerland. Well, I’m so glad that something about this appalling situation has made Wigg so happy. Ugh. We also learn that they’re currently flying in a Minion-drawn litter as Faegan goes on, complimenting Wigg on his relationship with Abbey. *she sniffs* Oh, please. I’ve no doubt Abbey can do much better (as for my own tastes, insofar as I have them, they run towards men who are young, pretty, and know when to keep their mouths shut, none of which describes Wigg). Wigg, meanwhile, just scowls at him, shivers at the cold – for once, something Wigg and I can relate on! – and hopes they arrive at their destination soon.
Ash: It turns out that Wigg had expected Faegan to bring this up long before and is glad he at least chose a private moment for it (I suppose even Faegan can manage a bare modicum of tact sometimes…). We also learn that Wigg hasn’t told Faegan about it, but Faegan guessed. “There is a boyish spring in your step and a recurring smile on your face that I have not seen for three centuries. The others may not notice, but I do.” Huh; this is something that could be cute, if I liked either of these people… unfortunately, I don’t. Wigg says he wants to keep it quiet, and Faegan agrees (…I don’t trust him) and they keep going in silence. We learn that they’ve been traveling for hours and are almost at their destination, and have some not-terribly-thrilling description of the landscape below them I won’t bother you all with. Finally they reach the coast, and Wigg spots the rock formation that marks their destination and signals the Minions to land.
Both wizards gazed silently at the dark, majestic stone face. It was not a new sight for them—the Woman of Stone had long been an attraction of some note for Eutracian citizens—but no matter how many times one had seen it, viewing it was always an eerie, awe-inspiring experience. Especially now, given the revelation that the image before them apparently held far more secrets than anyone had previously imagined.
Irinali: …you’re not doing a great job at making me feel the awe, Newcomb, I must say. Wigg gets out, and Faegan levitates his chair out to join them. Wigg tells the Minions to wait, but warns them he doesn’t know how long they’ll be in here and gives them permission to hunt or fetch supplies should it be long enough for the provisions they brought to run out. Though he does admit they may not come out – what does he expect the Minions to do, wait there until they die of old age, in that case? *she sighs* Of course he would! Ox goes to pass his instructions to the others, and then we finally get a decent description of this location:
The face was large—at least ten meters high and another four or five meters across—and impressive. Beautiful, but at the same time commanding. Long strands of stone hair hung down past the shoulders to descend into the sea, and the huge eyes lay peacefully closed behind heavy, seductive lids. The nose was slim; the lips were both sensuous and inviting; the cheekbones were high and elegant. Black as night and polished to a smooth luster by the sea, she seemed the very picture of serene, detached femininity.
Whether a face of such elegance and detail could have been carved naturally from the waves had been a great subject of debate for as long as Eutracia had existed. There was a distinct minority who insisted she must be a purely natural phenomenon—a freak of nature, as it were. Most, however, argued that she was far too refined, far too perfect to be an accident, and must therefore be the result of some arcane use of the craft from eons earlier. Wigg was entirely convinced it was the latter.
Irinali: There are people who think this obvious work of art could have been created by random erosion? Idiots. And don’t think I didn’t notice the fact that we had to know that the face’s expression is “seductive” or the implication that being beautiful and commanding is somehow contradictory. Lest we forget just who is writing this. As the wizards approach, however, the Paragon begins to glow, surprisingly with a red light and not “azure.” Then without warning two bolts of light shoot out from it and strike the statue’s eyes, and after a moment of the wizards being confused, the eyes begin to open. *rolls her own eyes* Oh, look, the face was deliberately created after all, how very shocking.
Gender Wars: 35
Plot-Induced Stupidity: 57
Ash: The lids open to reveal azure eyes – there we go! – and then the statue speaks in a compassionate, yet strong voice, recognizing that the wizards are, indeed, wizards, and that they carry the Paragon and therefore she revealed herself. She also tells them well done even though all they did was carry the Paragon here, something I’m quite sure anyone could have done. Wigg asks if she is the watchwoman of the floating gardens mentioned in the Tome, and the face says she’s not; the watcher waits inside. The face is a construct left by the Ones Who Came Before – is anyone surprised? – to be the first tester of anyone who wants to enter the Chamber of Penitence. She asks if they do want to enter, and Faegan confirms it. The face adds that there is a psychic price – Dark Maiden, who let the mind flayers in here! – to be paid for entry and they may not survive, but of course, the face can’t say what it is. Only the watchwoman can. Who is inside… and they can’t speak to until after they’ve entered… well, this seems to be a problem… First, if they wish to enter, the face must confirm they don’t follow the Vagaries and then adds that there is so much they still haven’t learned about their history or their magic. While I suspect the latter is indeed true (but does that mean we have even more exposition in our future? Gods help us all!) but I can assure you they’ve done plenty of harm as followers of the Vigors!
Irinali: Faegan begs to learn more, but the face won’t tell him, since that isn’t her purpose (of course not…) she’s just here to test them. She asks for them both to hold up their wrists, and, of course, a pinprick of blood is drawn from each of them. Why am I not surprised? Oh, and even floating in midair the drops start forming their blood signatures… I’m rather more comfortable with blood in all its forms than most people, and even I find this whole concept unbearably disturbing. The face narrows her eyes and the blood signatures enlarge until they’re each two meters across – by the Keeper! – and then the wizards watch in awe (awe at their own blood, mind you – if that doesn’t sum up this series, what does?) until the blood disappears. The face says that she’s confirmed they both follow the Vigors (which, of course, is obvious from a person’s blood alone…) and that they both may enter if they wish, which they do.
Her mouth opened wider, exposing perfect, white teeth. Farther and farther her lips parted, until the opening was about two meters high. Only fathomless darkness could be seen beyond, its depths occasionally interrupted by haunting, eerie flashes of azure light, like lightning across a night sky. Then her eyes closed, and she remained still.
Irinali: …the door is her mouth. Am I the only one beginning to think this is all a scam and is, in fact, the way the face eats? Apparently, the thought doesn’t occur to the wizards, who both enter the, ah, passageway. We then cut to the Minions as they watch the mouth close behind them – see! – and the chapter ends there.
Blood Matters: 107
Contrivances and Coincidences: 31 (of course the face can’t tell them anything useful…)
Protagonist-Centered Morality: 53 (practicing the Vigors is the only qualification for entrance…)
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Ash: And so, we open with Rebecca as the poor girl tells her brother Marcus that she’s afraid and has never done anything like this before. She’s shivering with cold and hunger – oh, you poor thing! I wish I could help you – as she haltingly follows her brother across Bargainer’s Square in Tammerland, which we’re reminded has become a hotbed of vice and crime after the fall of the wizards and the guard. *she snorts dismissively* Because we just needed to be reminded of Newcomb’s opinion of ordinary people, didn’t we? We have a digression about how horrible even Marcus thinks the place has become (if only there were still some royals and wizards left who might try to help these people…) and how they’re not far from where the pedophiles attacked him a few chapters ago. Because we needed a reminder of that. The children are heading towards a nearby shop which Marcus thinks might be able to help them with the Scroll. He speaks encouragingly to Rebecca as they go, telling her to keep her head down and trust him, as they cross the square, and we get a lovely description of it:
Shouting, cursing, and the smells of bad food and cheap liquor wafted on the breeze. Street vendors, each of them trying to holler louder than the next, filled the area. Virtually all of the men and many of the women were armed in some fashion. Seeing two children walking alone in this part of town was highly unusual, and many furtive, lecherous glances came their way. Whores, pimps, and male prostitutes stood on the corners, their leering smiles tacitly promising sex for money. Cockfights and dogfights could easily be found in the alleyways, with men and women crowded around them, eagerly throwing their money away.
Gratuitous Grimdark: 33
Irinali: *sniffs* Despite what some people might say of my current country of residence, I can assure you that in Karrnath, all of this would be regulated, regimented, heavily taxed, and kept carefully out of the public eye, by order of King Kaius. Public order must be maintained, after all. Well, the children manage to reach the shop, and Marcus tells Rebecca to wait here while he goes inside (what, and leave your sister alone near the place where you yourself were recently attacked? Foolish boy!). If he doesn’t come back out in a few minutes, she is to come in and follow some instructions he previously gave her and try to get away when he leaves and meet up with him later. All of which seems rather complicated to me, though I suppose children don’t always have the best judgment about such things. Marcus goes in, and we learn that the shop sells expensive rugs – and, despite the state of the city, the shopkeeper is apparently quite busy with demanding customers. Because of course, what everyone wants when the whole country has gone to Khyber is fancy rugs *rolls her eyes*.
Plot-Induced Stupidity: 58
Ash: …maybe the shop is a front, and it’s actually a smuggling operation? Or a fence? That might explain why Marcus thinks they can help with the Scroll… Well, Marcus makes his way in, looks around, and then motions for Becca to come in as well. She slowly walks up to the proprietor, Marcus puts down the bag he’s been carrying, then he motions for her to start the next step of the plan. It has often been said that the high-pitched, earsplitting scream coming from a young girl is unequaled, and Rebecca’s proved no exception. Taking great lungfuls of air, she screamed for all she was worth, sending shock waves through the little shop. The outcry was so piercing that at first Marcus thought the glass panes in the double doors might burst. *stunned* I was expecting that perhaps a young girl with a limp might play to the shopkeeper’s sympathies. This… I was not expecting. Becca starts jumping up and down and screaming about snakes, and it turns out that snakes are indeed what was in Marcus’s bag (when and how did he collect those?). All the patrons, naturally, start panicking themselves between the screams and the snakes and start running around in confusion (though we have to have it spelled out that it’s the women who are screaming while the men just stand there in frozen horror like lumps). Oh, and apparently the snakes are especially large, hungry, and highly agitated, which just makes me wonder again how Marcus wrangled them all up. And, in fact, we learn!
Long, thick, and brightly patterned, these snakes were known as slickribbons, and they were very quick. Marcus had boldly stolen an entire wire cage full of them from the front shelf of one of the exotic animal vendors in the square, and then had run for his life, narrowly avoiding being caught. Black, shiny, and menacing-looking, slickribbons had triangular yellow markings on their backs, making them highly prized for their skins. They were not venomous or harmful to humans in any way, but right now the terrified people in the shop didn’t care about that. All they wanted to do—the proprietor included—was get out.
Ash: …why does this extremely isolated kingdom that is currently in anarchy even have functioning “exotic animal vendors,” anyway? What does “exotic” even mean to people who didn’t even know other countries existed until the last year or so? But as everyone flees the shop, Marcus manages to grab a rolled-up rug, which he thinks is the right size for what he needs. Ah, let me guess – he’s going to wrap the Scroll in it to hide the glowing? That’s kind of disappointing, honestly. I was sure he was going to sell it… Anyway, Marcus makes his way out with the rest of the crowd, looking as innocent as possible, while Rebecca, who’s clearly decided this is great fun after all, follows after him, and the chapter ends.
Contrivances and Coincidences: 32 (of course the market just happened to be conveniently selling snakes…)
Gender Wars: 36
Plot-Induced Stupidity: 60 (I really don’t think this plan would have worked…)
MG: And since these chapters are all pretty short, one more for the day!
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Irinali: Oh, goody. And so, we open with Krassus, sitting in a big chair at the Scriptorium in the Citadel, where he’s finally arrived and feeling quite pleased with himself. He only just arrived an hour ago, and was immediately greeted by Janus and the Consuls who gave him the good news about finding Wulfgar. Well, getting good news as soon as you arrive home is a pleasant feeling, I have to say! We learn that Krassus is so excited he keeps going over Wulfgar’s blood signature himself, just to reassure himself that it is in fact the real deal, and that’s what he’s doing in the Scriptorium right now. But he’s already compared it to both Morganna’s and to her old boyfriend Eric’s, and he has no real doubt that Wulfgar is indeed their son. And of course, his blood is special.
Nicholas had told him that Wulfgar’s signature would be a thing of wonder. But nothing had prepared Krassus for the likes of what now lay before him. Never before had he seen such a left-leaning signature. Only two others were known to deviate so widely from the vertical axis. Those belonged to the Chosen Ones themselves, and they both leaned to the right. Taking his eye from the lens, he looked at the assay mark written on the corner of the parchment: 11⁄2. The blood quality was equal to that of Princess Shailiha, and second only to that of Tristan himself.
Blood Matters: 109
Gender Wars: 37 (of course we have to have our regular reminder that Shailiha’s blood is slightly inferior to her brother’s…)
Ash: I could go my whole life without ever hearing about endowed blood ever again; goddess, if you’re listening? Well, now that Krassus has both the Scroll of the Vagaries and Wulfgar he’s ready to proceed, and he thinks about how he’ll be unstoppable if he gets the Scroll of the Vigors, too (because of course he does…). We then get a description of his surroundings:
He looked around this part of the Scriptorium. Built of the palest tan marble, the room was light and airy, and its floor was partially covered with highly patterned rugs. The stained-glass windows—now open to let in the sun and the salt air—were numerous. Bookcase after bookcase lined the walls. The texts and scrolls on their shelves were dusty from long neglect, but they would not remain that way much longer. The Scroll of the Vagaries lay nearby on another desk, the engraved gold band around its middle still tightly imprisoning the knowledge contained within.
Ash: Krassus then gets up and walks over to the window to watch the ocean, thinking about how Nicholas told him how to find this place and what his mission should be, and how his endowed blood sang at the thought of it. Because of course it did. He then recalls how he was captured by one of Nicholas’s hatchlings and brought to him along with the other Consuls, and how as he was First Alternate Nicholas kept him separate and imbued his blood – of course it was in his blood – with Forestallments to turn him to the Vagaries. So, yes. It sounds like Krassus was literally brainwashed into switching sides. Want to bet that Newcomb won’t actually deal with this meaningfully at all?
Krassus’ instructions had come to him the very day the Chosen One and Nicholas had first met, deep in the bowels of the Caves. Not only had Nicholas asked Tristan to join his cause, but he had also promised him a lifetime of ecstasy practicing the Vagaries. But in his ridiculous loyalty to the insipid Vigors and the inferior wizards he commanded, the prince had not only refused Nicholas’ gracious offer, but had threatened to kill him, as well. And Krassus had been there the entire time, hiding in a small alcove to one side of the room, listening to every word. After the traitorous prince left, Nicholas had bid his new servant to join him. For Krassus, it had been like standing before a god.
Blood Matters: 111
Dastardly Deeds: 88 (for Krassus’ sneering villain internal monologue)
Protagonist-Centered Morality: 54
Retcons and Revelations: 18 (Krassus was totally there when Nicholas met Tristan, that’s totally what Newcomb intended all along!)
Irinali: So Krassus confirmed to Nicholas that he heard, but Nicholas repeated anyway that his own father meant to kill him and stop him from using the Gates, which Krassus just confirmed he heard because he was standing right there (and also, we all know that Nicholas accidentally killed himself with no input from Tristan, so it’s rather hard to take this seriously…). Nicholas then told him about the Scrolls and his role in Nicholas’s backup plan and dismissed him. Later, after Nicholas died, Krassus went to fetch the Scrolls and found one was missing, as we already knew – but luckily, the one that was there was the Scroll of the Vagaries, which was the more immediately useful to him anyway. So he used his new powers to create the demonslavers, commandeer ships, and start the slaving operation to search for Wulfgar. At the thought of all those Talis and R’talis slaves, his mouth turned upward at the corners. When all was said and done, those hiding in the Redoubt of the Directorate would pay, and pay dearly. And of course, we have to separate the slaves between endowed and unendowed, even in Krassus’ own mind. Because why not? He’s torn from his memories by another coughing fit and doubles over, spitting up blood – which begins tracing his blood signature as it falls, of course. Someone should really examine that… someone with a background in necromancy, perhaps? Krassus admits to himself that he knows he’s dying and commits himself to seeing his work complete before he goes… which means he needs to find the other Scroll.
Blood Matters: 112
Dastardly Deeds: 89
Exposition Intrusion: 130
Ash: Suddenly someone knocks on the door, and then Janus and Grizelda enter, flanked by two demonslavers. Krassus sits back at his desk and motions for them to sit across from him – seating arrangements, riveting – and Janus has news. The ship bearing the herbs and oils from Shadowood has arrived, ahead of schedule, though some of the slavers didn’t return and are presumed killed, probably by the wizards (actually, it was by two women, you misogynistic creep – whether I’m talking about Janus or Newcomb there, I’ll leave to your imagination). Krassus thinks it over and decides it really doesn’t matter, since whoever it was didn’t stop them from getting the components they need. Janus also reports that Wulfgar is alive and healthy, but remains rebellious, which he, of course, attributes to his unique bloodline *disgusted face*. Krassus confirms that he’s studied the blood signature and that this really is the Wulfgar, and asks about his relationship with Serena. Janus confirms that they’ve become close, that he’s given Serena special treatment at mealtimes to isolate her from the other slaves and allowed her to stay in Wulfgar’s quarters. All of which is apparently according to plan. *she sighs* Because of course it is. Krassus tells Grizelda to use the new herbs to continue her search for the Scroll of the Vigors, and once she’s found it, he’ll send her and Janus after it. Grizelda confirms she will, and Krassus says he’s going to go have a chat with Wulfgar and Serena, who are about to begin understanding the nature of their fates. Their reactions should prove to be most interesting. Oh, I’m not looking forward to this part… Janus leaves to escort Grizelda to her new quarters, while Krassus heads off to see Wulfgar, making his way through the Citadel’s winding corridors. He gets winded, but at last reaches the door; one of the guards warns him that Wulfgar is very strong, but Krassus says he’s a wizard of the craft… what could he do to me that I would not allow? And so Krassus opens the doors and strides inside; Wulfgar and Serena look up at him in surprise, and the chapter ends there.
MG: And so, it does! These three chapters are mostly transitional, to be honest. We get the wizards’ arrival at the Chamber of Penitence, Marcus and Becca making plans to hide the Scroll (which, for some reason, involves snakes) and Krassus arrival at the Citadel and a bit more about his plans and backstory, but aside from a number of Newcomb’s issues continuing to rear their head throughout, these chapters just aren’t all that interesting. The good news is that by the same token, they’re not egregiously terrible, either. Next time, Tristan travels with Tyranny (alliteration!), Celeste has a PTSD nightmare (handled with all the grace and tact we’ve come to expect from Newcomb…) and the wizards continue their quest The good news is, we’re almost halfway done! The bad news is, we still have a bit more than half a book to go. We’ll see you then! Our counts stand at:
Blood Matters: 114
Contrivances and Coincidences: 30
Dastardly Deeds: 90
Exposition Intrusion: 132
Gender Wars: 37
Gratuitous Grimdark: 33
Plot-Induced Stupidity: 58
Protagonist-Centered Morality: 54
Retcons and Revelations: 18
